A Bad Boy Weakness (ABBW Book 1)

The Hardest Part

I walk over to my car and lean on it sliding down it and then slumping onto the floor. Tears run down my face – I just wish it didn't have to be like this, I just wish I knew what the fuck I want. A lot of the time I'm sure it's Jason but then other times all I want is Kyle how can I be so fucked up.

"Hey, you should come back inside." Someone says and I glance up realizing its Rocco.

"I don't want to go back in there."

"They've calmed down just go back in there it'll be okay." He smiles

The two of us walk back into the apartment and Kyle is sitting on the lounge and Jason is at the table doing whatever his doing, I walk straight past them and go into my room. I lay on my bed and try to think about everything but its still confusing as fuck. There is a knock on my door.

"Go away." I say

"Belle can we just talk?" I hear Kyle say

"No" I reply "I don't want to talk to you."

"Please."

"No, leave me alone."

"Five minutes please?"

"Nope fuck off." I hiss

I bury my head into my pillow and cry myself to sleep. The next morning I wake up feeling like shit – not only do I have the hangover from hell but as soon as I wake up all the memories from the night before come flooding back to me. I pull the blankets over me so I'm completely incased in them and hide in them – I can't go back to sleep right now but I can try to hide all day.

I lay there for over an hour before I feel so thirsty that I know I have to get up, but it goes against every single feeling in my body. I walk out into the living room and Jason is watching TV on the lounge and Rocco is passed out on the couch – Kyle isn't out here but I'm assuming he slept in Jason's room because he has been since we got back. I make myself a coffee and then go and sit on the couch next to Jason, then I lean over to grab a joint off the table.

"That's my shit." Jason snaps "Go and ask your boyfriend for some."

"His not my boyfriend Jason, you are."

"Was Belle – it was clear last night you don't know who you want to be with."

"I want to be with you."

"Then why would you want to kiss Kyle for fuck sake.."

"What like when you where having a relationship with Roxy?" I snap "You cheated on me from the moment we started something with her Jason and I forgave you for it all – that's funny because you can sleep with someone behind my back but I can't be confused about something?" I say as I slam the joint down on the table.

I get up and knock on Jason's bedroom door.

"Yeah," I hear Kyle say

I let myself in and shut the door behind me.

"What's up?" Kyle asks

"Everything is so fucked Kyle." I reply

"You need to make your mind up Belle because I can wait but Jason is a little more impatient."

"Arghhh I don't know at the moment I just want to smoke some weed and chill out." I say "Do you have any?"

"Over there." He smiles "Take what you want."

"Thanks Kyle." I reply before grabbing the weed and leaving the bedroom shutting the door behind me.

I sit at the kitchen table and smoke my joint, Rocco is asleep and Jason is still ignoring me.