Shake it off

Chapter twelve

She fell in love with him in the weirdest way. She thought that he liked her, a lot. Apparently not. She did things for him that she would never do for anyone else. It was strange, because she wanted to love him at first, so she let herself fall for him. First, it was a small crush. It was going out to coffee and talking about his shitty step dad, or her crappy job. It was him coming with her to the library as she studied. It was her falling in love, but him being friendly. It was just that.

Annabeth had her hands folded together as she watched Percy. He hadn't done something like this since he was twelve. Seeing him do it now was unnerving. It was so déjà vu. But it was also so different, because this time Percy was upset.

He handled the wooden sword with less skill than a master, but more skill than your average. He swung angrily at the dummy.  She wanted to tell him that there was no reason to be so mad, but it was kind of hard to talk to him like this. He had no gear on, he swung frightfully hard at the dummy, as if the fact that he was practicing was a side description. His green eyes had long filled and poured out tears, as they contorted his face into something extremely sad. He inhaled a large intake of breath, and continued on. Percy hadn't done this in so long, and Annabeth would have thought that Percy would have turned to something less productive. Like maybe lying his bed for a few days. Annabeth wasn't really sure if she should go, since he was so mad, and it kind of scared her, or if she should stay because she doesn't want him to hurt himself.

And as if god heard her, and decided to be a dick, Percy gave a strong swing, and fell forward into the dummy. He slipped, and fell back, his head hitting the ground. A squeak of a sound escaped his lips.

Annabeth hopped up, worry coursing through her.

Percy took his fists and pressed them deep into his eyes. She sat beside him, feeling a bit uncomfortable. She'd never seen him in a situation like this, crying, and heartbroken. "Percy..."

Her heart broke. She hated seeing him like this. She hated seeing him sad, and crying over a guy who definitely deserved him, but that didn't mean she wanted him any less. She loves him. There's no changing that. She sat on the ground and let her fingers rest on his head. "Percy, I wish there was something I could do. I know it hurts, just please stop crying."

Percy sighed, and it wasn't the type of sigh where he was annoyed or angry, no. Percy was exhausted, and Annabeth could understand why. He had worked so hard. And he was so in love with this boy named Leo. And she could understand that it just sucked. It wasn't that he was even mad at Leo, because he certainly didn't seem that way. It all just sucked that he couldn't be with him, and that Leo was just amazing, and that... And that he didn't love her.

But she shook that thought away. No, she couldn't think about that. Percy was in love with Leo, and he wasn't in love with her, and that wasn't his fault. But it hurts. It hurts bad. Not like the prick in a finger. Not like when you break a bone. But instead like there's something lodged in the bottom of your throat, and a burning sensation around your neck. And some sort of tightness in your sternum. The kind that causes you to sit in your room at the middle of the night and just think of all the rights and wrongs, and all the things you could have done, even if there was nothing. It was that kind of hurt. And she was exhausted. She was tired of being in love. She let herself become immersed in this person, this beautiful, sweet, amazing person. But she wanted out.

"Annabeth." Percy stated, not said, definitely not, because he wasn't starting a sentence, he was just saying. But it was the saying that made it worthy, because it meant a lot of things.

"Percy," she said, "I wish there was something..." but there was nothing she could do. How could she possibly help him? He cared about her, yes, he loved her, yes. Not in the way she wished, of course, but she knew who was.

She knew Leo was. Leo, Leo, Leo. This guy that was better than her in every way, and it hurt. But that was okay. It was okay to hurt. She's allowed to hurt. And it sucks, yes. But its okay. "Percy," she said, her own voice exhausted as well. "Percy, its okay to hurt."

"I know," he said brokenly. "But I hate this. I hate it so much. I hate not being able to have him. Jesus, and I don't even understand why. Why can't he be with me if he loves me back? He says he has things he has to do... But I don't believe that, even if Leo believes them himself. There has to be a better reason, because I would do anything to be with him, Annabeth. Fuck, I would do anything."

"I know," she muttered, "I know."

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