The Searching Secret

Chapter 18

"You're not going to throw me in the water again, are you?" I asked, as we slowed down, when we neared the waves.

Jay laughed, "Not unless you give me a reason to." I withdrew my hand from his and smacked him lightly on the arm. Jay laughed again. "No, but seriously, I thought we could just walk along the beach," he said with a shrug.

I smiled at him, as I felt how nervous he was beginning to feel. "That sounds like a wonderful idea," I said, as I tried to calm his nerves, but it didn't help.

"Good," he mumbled, as we turned and walked down the beach.

For a while we said nothing to each other, just enjoying the stars and the look of the ocean at night. After a few minutes of this, and feeling his nervousness growing, I glanced over at Jay. I saw his hand fidgeting with something in his pocket. When his gaze shifted towards me, I quickly looked away. I didn't want Jay to catch me watching him. After a few minutes of keeping my eyes glued to the ocean, I chanced another look at him. He smiled at me, and I knew the whole time, since I looked away, he had been watching me.

"You're stunning," Jay said softly, as he locked eyes with mine. I gave him a small smile and quickly turned to look back at the ocean. I could feel my face flush, as I felt how deep and strong his feelings were for me. Jay stopped walking and turned my face towards his. "Why do you always do that?" he asked, as he stared deeply into my eyes.

"Do what?" I asked softly.

"Look away whenever I say how absolutely beautiful you are," Jay said. Without thinking I turned my face away from his. "See, like that!"

I shrugged, still unable to bring myself to look at him. I couldn't face him, because facing him, facing his feelings, would force me to face my own. It would force me to face the feelings that had been stirring and growing inside of me. Feeling that I wasn't quite ready to deal with.

"You know," he started, as he moved so I was facing him again. "It only makes you even more adorable, if that is even possible."

I laughed nervously at his comment, but still kept my eyes locked on the ocean. I could feel the honesty and playfulness in his words, and knew that almost all his nervousness was gone.

"Look at me," he insist softly. He was feeling more confident and determined, but still I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I slowly shook my head, as a wave crashed on the beach. "Why?" he asked, as his confidence wavered and fear started to trickle in. "Ri, you promised. Tonight would be-"

My nod cut his words off. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm scared," I barely whispered, as I chanced a glance at him. When I felt his confusion, I went on, "Of this, of you." I looked at him for a moment and then back at the ocean and added quietly, "Of how you make me feel."

I felt relief and joy flood Jay has he cupped my face in his hands and made me face him. When my eyes finally met his, he smiled. "I have something for you, but you have to promise you won't look away."

When I nodded, he dropped one hand to the pocket his had been fidgeting in earlier. When he removed his hand again, in it was a simple dark purple jewelry box. "I've wanted to give this to you all night, but couldn't find the right time. I was afraid I had missed my chance, and I would be kicking myself in the morning for not giving it to you." He looked back at me to make sure I was keeping my promise. When he found my eyes still on him, his smile grew. "Now I am glad I waited until now." His eyes dropped to the now open box in his hands and I allowed mine to follow his. What I saw made my jaw drop.

In the box lay the most beautiful silver heart necklace, with diamonds on the one side and a pearl at the bottom of the heart, where the two sides connected. "Jay, it's beautiful," I whispered.

"Like you," he replied. My eyes started to move away from him and he add, "Hey, don't look away. You promised."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at him. He was taking the necklace out of its box and holding it by the silver chain. He smiled at me and motioned for me to turn around. As he was putting the necklace around my neck, he said, "I wanted to get you something that no matter what happened here or whenever, that you would always know where my heart lies and where it belongs." With the necklace secured, Jay turned me around to face him and added, "With you."

My hand instinctively went to the heart that now rested by my collar bone. "Jay, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay." He replied, as his placed his hand on my shoulder. "I understand you are scared, but Ri-"

"No." I said cutting him off and taking a step away. "Jay you don't understand."

"Ri, I-"

"Jay, this trip isn't some great romantic get-away," I snapped, cutting him off again. The necklace was beautiful and I loved it, but it made it seem like Jay was the whole reason I was here.

"I know that," he replied softly

"Do you?" I asked. "Because it seems to me like you've forgotten why we are here." I knew it was unreasonable to blame him if this, when I was the one who, for a moment, forgot.

"I haven't forgotten!" Jay snapped, as he stepped away from me. "I couldn't forget even if I wanted to. You wouldn't let me! You don't let me go even a few hours without some reminder that the only reason I get to spend time with you is because of him!" Jay let out a sigh and sat down on the beach, staring out at the ocean.

I knew the "him" he was talking about was Sam, not Evan. With a sigh of my own I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. A rush of his hurt, anger, and sadness flood me and I almost pulled away. "I have to find him," I finally managed to say.

"And what if you don't!" he replied, as he watched the waves crash on the beach. "What if we spend this whole week looking for Evan and we don't find him? What if he isn't here? What will you do? Will you spend the rest of your life searching for him?"

"I..." I started, but I didn't know how to respond. I never actually thought about what would happen if we didn't find Evan here. I had no other lead, no other ideas of where he might be. What would I do next if Evan wasn't in Miami? Finally I replied, "I have to do this... I have to try."

"I know," Jay said at last, turning to face me. "And I will here by your side. But promise me one thing. Promise me, that if we spend this whole week looking for him and we don't find him, promise me, you will come home with me and forget all of this. Promise me. if we don't find him, you'll let go and move on."

I stared at Jay for a moment, considering what he had just said. What other option did I have if Evan wasn't here? The idea of giving up both saddened and excited me. Could I really just give up on my search for Evan, my search for answers, my search for Sam? Could I let it go, could I let Sam go, and be happy with Jay? The dream I had of Jay entered my thoughts and I knew I could. I knew I had feelings for Jay, and if I let go of what might be impossible, I could be extremely happy with Jay. I just had to let go "But what if we find him?" I asked.

Jay sighed, "If we find him, then we see where this quest takes us next, but if we don't..." Jay paused and looked deeply into my eyes. "If we don't, you let go."

I looked back in his eyes for what seemed like hours. Finally, I nodded, "I promise."

"Good." Jay said, as he smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder, and watched the waves, as my hand went to the heart around my neck.

A/N Tell me your thoughts on what is happening between Jay and Riley