Matsuma's Diary

You Didn't Know

...

You didn't know how much I wanted to stay.
You didn't know how much I wanted to stay by your side because this is that unusual time of the year when I try to be friendly.
You didn't know how much I wanted to be with you again.
You didn't know how I made ways for us to be together again...

You didn't know how much I wanted to cry and die when we parted.
You didn't know just how far I reached out.
You didn't know I genuinely cared.
You didn't know just how far I would go for you.

You didn't know how you made me feel.
You didn't know how much I loved you, I loved you so much that I began to hate myself.
You didn't know that I'm a stupid outcast and it's better if you disposed of me quickly.
You didn't know how much I took your words to heart...

...

You didn't know how happy I was that you accepted me in this new environment.
You didn't know how loved and understood I felt when with you.
You didn't know how much it means to me how you acted towards me.
You didn't know how much I appreciated your very actions...

You didn't know how much I would worm in to try and fit in.
You didn't know that I act almost all the time while you're not realizing it.
You didn't know that acting is as far as I can get to reach out to you.
You didn't know that that was the only way to catch your attention...

You didn't know how jealous you made me when you're always with my friend.
You didn't know how jealous you made me when you're always with my crush.
You didn't know how much pain I hide inside my heart and shrug it off like it's nothing.
You didn't know how I held myself back from all my actions that I wanted to do but can't.

You didn't know how much I treasure you even if you treat me as shit!
You didn't know how much I still want to worm in your life even if you keep shoving me away!
You didn't know I want to be friends with you, and not just some second option!
You didn't know how little value you made me feel!!

You didn't know how I cried in silence while you go on, spending your time with someone else.
You didn't know how much I yearn for your companion but you seem to be pushing me away repeatedly.
You didn't know how I wanted to give you the happiness that you deserve yet I can't seem to do it.
You didn't know how I wanted to make things right but it only ended up being worse.

You didn't know how much I trust you.
You didn't know how much I like you.
You didn't know how much I'm scared of you.
You didn't know how shy I was to approach you...

You didn't know that you're seemingly pushing me away as you spend your time with someone else.
You didn't know how useless you made me feel.
You didn't know how I wanted to die if it'll make no difference to you.
You didn't know that I want to see how much you really care...

...

You didn't know how happy I was that we can be together again.
You didn't know how disappointed I was to know that we can't actually be together in the end...
You didn't know how upset I was.
You didn't know how I felt unimportant that time...

You didn't know how I would apologize over and over about nothing.
You didn't know that I let someone use me as much as they want.
You didn't know how defenseless I am.
You didn't know how fragile I am.

...

You didn't know that you treat me as a ghost you don't believe in.
You didn't know how much I tried.
You didn't know how you made me feel...
You didn't know me at all, did you?