Matsuma's Diary

New Beginning

Man, it has been quite a while! Today is 2017, a new year, a new beginning even! But that's not the reason why I'm writing this entry of mine.

Truth is, I wanted to write this for quite some time now but it's either I don't have the time to or I was still emotionally broken.

Today is such a great time! I have quite some free time and I am perfectly emotionally healthy and well right now so I shouldn't bump into some problems!

First of all, you might have known that I was pulled out from my previous school. Starting from there, I really didn't directly wrote what is happening around there. So here I am now, reporting to you what exactly had happened around the time I transferred there.

My first impression in school was that it's boring. That first impression didn't leave my mind even for a second! It's boring, yes, but it's also an advantage. I have a lot of free time compared to others and I'm neither stressed nor pressured to do anything. I'm as laid-back as ever. I only noticed this advantage when I was talking to one of the students in my previous school and reminded me of how schoolwork is straining him so badly both physically and mentally. He's only an acquaintance, maybe a friend? He's not particularly special or anything so I don't know much about him. I don't even know if he's in the rankings or not so I don't know just how much effort and work he puts himself into just to stay there.

I don't even deserve to be in top 1...

In my old school (let's call this school "SDA" since I will be mentioning this a lot), I wasn't leaving the rankings but I never did achieve top 1, never in my life. Because there's this girl who remained in that place no matter what. If we're going to be measured intelligence-wise, we might be the same. If not, if only I become serious about my studies, I would be more intelligent than her. But since she's also athletic, has a great reputation, is close to the teachers, reliable, joins in curricular activities, and does her projects very well, I had no chance against her. She's the "ideal student" that everyone loves. Even I found myself loving her. It's only a mystery of how I got in top 2 last 1st quarter even though the other 3 behind me worked so hard for it. Out of 25 students, I got the second rank. Most people will find it an honor, I find it mysterious how I even made it there. Was I being serious? Was I being diligent? I wonder... I forgot, to be honest.

In my new school (let's call it "Christian School [CS]"), we're only 8. It's no surprise I'm the top 1, I came from a school that raised my academics well. I was more laid-back than I was in SDA and I am not pressured to do anything special.

The second honor is my best friend. She's very typical but fun to be with.

The third honor is my crush. He cannot be trusted, you shouldn't lend him ANYTHING, usually pranks/teases other people, is very controlling, but it feels like a huge accomplishment if you get to see him being humiliated. I really like him mainly because he "was" kind and acted casually even though I was new. Time passed by, I still like him, I really do. In fact, I made a collage of all the boy--ahem, male friends that I had so far and he's in the middle, having conquered the biggest space of all. I still feel shy around him (this just further proves that I really have a crush on him) and is afraid to approach and talk to him directly but he still butts in in conversations and if he does, I wouldn't mind it and act casually. I may not be open or show that I have feelings for him because of a lot of reasons but it's ok... It's fine like this.

The fourth honor is my friend. She's a friend to all so I'm not that possessive of her as much with the second honor. She's really close to the third honor and is making me a teeny-weeny bit jeawous but still, I wouldn't mind it at all if he chooses her instead of me. It would just be a miracle to have my own crush have a crush on me. Even so, it will be a miracle that someone has a crush on me! She's one of my close "chat friends" but in personal, she has always been taken away from me either way.

I forgot who the fifth honor is. I should probably apologize.

Maybell. She's the second honor and my best friend. She's the first friend I had when I was new. She's the first person I ever talked to in just the first day. I'm glad and relieved to know that she trusts me and I do the same to her...

Romulo IV, or commonly known as Pot (pronounced exactly how you spell it). He's the third honor and my crush. I know a lot about him (being my crush and all) but I rather not do that. He's previously the first honor before Maybell and I transferred in (Maybell and Kyle transferred on 2nd quarter and I was transferred on the second half of 2nd quarter) but he doesn't let himself be dragged down by this fact and still continues to face his studies quite normally.

Angelica. She's the fourth honor, my close chat friend. The main reason why I can't approach Pot so casually is because of her. First, she knows I have a crush on him. And second, is because Pot is too busy hanging out with Ange that he just kind of...leaves me in the dark about everything.

Romulo III, alias: Terdy. He's the first boy I became comfortable the most with. He's someone who can act as both a shield and a weapon (not literally) towards someone/something that made you suffer, even from the most trivial thing. The thing that I hate about him is he's... Never mind. I feel like I shouldn't tell this to other people.

Romulo II, alias: Con. He's the oldest out of the triplets, (yes, he, Terdy and Pot are triplets) and is really giving a vibe of being a "big brother". I rely on him a lot in terms of problems with the school but so far, I haven't had one so I don't tell him any problems I have. He's someone I can openly express "I love you" to without being embarrassed. I ship him with Maybell but too bad he just makes her hope. Maybell is unfortunately being "sister-zoned" by him and that's a bit sad. Even so, the two are close like a married couple.

Markhail, nickname: Kyle. At first, I didn't like him. It's not "hate", it's just dislike. His optimistic personality and overall one-emotion guy really pissed me off. Don't know why. Even though I haven't interacted with him that much, I still disliked him... But yeah, again, time passed by and I gradually start to like him. Ironically, I like him because of his optimism and overall one-emotion guy that he is... A weird statement, ain't it?

Lei. She's a 21-year old girl that became mute because of an accident. She came from Egypt and went to the Philippines, thus repeating her education years. She acts like our age so it's not hard to bond with her.

In conclusion:
My classmates, even though I thought that they are predictable and boring at first, are actually fun to be with and are treated as family. They have encountered such dark pasts but they got over with. They only have those dark pasts because they are treated differently. Once they are treated like the people that they are [ought to be], then they became...a bit better than they were before. They were sinners. They were terrible people.....

Haha... It's more the reason why I feel like I belong!

Because of their influences, I became more open but also a bit more devilish. It's good to see how I quickly became open with them before a year passed and in SDA, I needed at least 2 years to completely open up to my classmates there...

That school feels like paradise. Even though I have no intention of staying there any longer, I have no choice since I can't just bail out on it.

•

What is a "new beginning" anyway? Foolish people say that it's when something changes. I say, it's when something goes back to its starting point.

It's completely different from when something changes. A "new beginning" doesn't happen when a child turned into an adult. A "new beginning" is when that adult either dies and have a new life ahead or bears a child and that child itself is "a new beginning."

It's the same as new year. You can't have a new year when March turns to April. It's when from January moves to the next January.

I didn't change. I just went back to my starting point. I didn't change anything. I'm still the same old introverted girl who writes stories in her free time. I was just back to the point where I can completely change my actions, identity, and everything else and no one would be able to say a thing...yet I didn't do that. At all.

It's better this way, isn't it?

I guess the title really was about being 2017...