Matsuma's Diary

Love

"Listen here, you big pile of--" I shout to myself as I write this chapter.

To be honest, I don't know anymore why I have this book. I requested a book cover so hastily even though I couldn't predict what was supposed to happen then...

Why is this book still even alive? What is its purpose? To remind me of my past that I had forgotten? To teach myself lessons from my mistakes? What is this book's purpose?

I loved this book before! But now, I don't know anymore....

•

Love.

For a long time, I never did quite understand the concept of love. I always complain about how I don't receive and give love because I lack the knowledge about it. The only love that I was referring to was the romantic love. I just do not understand how two people could be more than friends.

I never had the intention of learning more about this topic until my best friend suggested me a Japanese romance movie that made me feel like they're more ignorant about love than I am. Enraged, I told myself that I can write a better realistic romance story than the movie.

So I started researching about it. Just bits and pieces of the subject.

As I slowly piece out the meaning, I then started to self-reflect and realize a lot of things. I never knew that learning about love was something that I should have done way before.

Things to know about love:
1. It is not necessarily romantic.
2. Love exists practically everywhere.
3. It helps you to grow as a person.
4. It's warm, comforting, and safe.
5. It is not shallow.

Although love is not necessarily romantic, I focus on it, mainly, how a deep and meaningful a connection goes. Something impenetrable.

Out of this "research" or "study", maybe (I don't know how to call it), I categorize a lot of relationships either I knew personally or I just stumbled upon by accident. The reason I do this is to broaden my knowledge about the subject, often comparing to what it can be and should be, and how it shouldn't be.

Toxic relationships, unhealthy relationships, abusive relationships, healthy relationships, etc.

And under those we have immature and mature, public or private, etc.

During the study, I then learned to categorize my own relationships, and this is where the "not necessarily romantic" come in since I categorized it with my friendships.

I then linked the reasons why I was in unhealthy and toxic relationships to my past, in which I didn't know any better. And how I did have a healthy relationship, but the fear of the unknown forced me to reject it.

Right now, I can say that the relationship I have with a certain person is definitely healthy. It's not necessarily a romantic relationship, just generally a relationship. Being with him made me open my eyes to something different from what I was living with practically throughout my whole life.

I could talk a lot about this topic, but I'm ending it here.

Reminder: please always go for a healthy relationship.