Neophilia

Neophilia 17

Author's note: LONG TIME NO POST. SORRY, wala siguro akong matinong reason ba't ang tagal kong mag-update. Pero heto na. Sorry talaga. Marami pa rin talagang problema sa bahay pero pinilit kong isingit lang tong chapter ngayon. I'm afraid na mapapatagal na naman ang update ko sa mga stories ko.

Sa mga readers na nag-aabang nito (kung meron pang natitira), sorry poooooo. Eto na ang chapter 17 after a thousand years... - gretell

NEOPHILIA 17:

It was so... possible impossible. Hindi ako ganun kamanhid para hindi maramdaman yon. I was utterly shut, tongue hidden, just... speechless. He was there, staring at me, staring deeply at me. It was as if he really meant it. Behind that song... It was for me and I couldn't move. I was frozen, limp, weak. Plainly confuse.

Weak weak weak.

Kaden was that person who provokes me to limit. That person who's so transparent and clear. The person who stands before me, offering me his hand while his bandmates do their own instrumental. "May I have this dance?" is what he says to me, I look up and found his deep gray. Eyes that has the same shade of the boring cement and of ashes. Pero kahit gaano pa kaweird ang kulay ng mata niya, it's the same eyes who I look forward to everytime I am hurt.

That sounded selfish. I know that but I'm not sorry.

Kaden came in the right place but definitely in the wrong time.

Tumayo ako and held him. Kaden never did dare to keep his eyes away from me. I can feel his hot breath that grazes to my ears, his hand on my waist. I can't help but to smile.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask. Nakalapat na ang ulo ko sa may bandang dibdib niya. Naririnig ko ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso niya. I wonder what he's thinking of right now.

"Doing what?" tanong niya

"This." I emphasize. I hope he gets it. My tongue has no power to describe whatever is between us. "You know that I want him. But still, why?"

Naramdaman kong inilapat ni Kaden ang baba niya sa may ulo ko bago siya bumuntong-hininga ng malalim. "I don't know," he says, pauses. "Maybe because I'm still hoping that you would choose me."

Napatigil ako sa saglit na pagsasayaw namin ni Kaden. I was paralyzed by his words. He hopes that I would choose him.

Suddenly I don't trust myself anymore. Knowing the fact that these arms around me belongs to the boy who saved me a lot of times from ache. From my first heartbreak kay kuya JP. Look at us right now, ang landi-landi ko na. Hindi ako makapaniwalang ginagawa ko ito. Why am I leading Kaden to something that might never happen? Pinapaasa ko ata siya. Nasasaktan ko siya at ang kapal pa ng mukha ko para siya ang lapitan ko kapag ako na naman ang nakakaramdam ng pag-iisa.

Ang labo ko.

Immature.

Anong pinasok ko?

I quickly pull away.

"Kaden..." I whisper, "I'm sorry."

Kaden notices that I became uncomfortable. He tilts my head and meets my eyes. Ayan na naman ang matang nakakatunaw sa akin na para bang isa akong mantikilya.

"Sorry for what?"

I study his face. His jawline. His eyebrows. His nose. Everything that defines perfection at him. I stare at them. Carefully counting the number he inhale and exhale. 3 4 5...

"I should face my problem, Kaden." I look down, and stares at his chest. I watch it rise then down. He's having a trouble in breathing. I'm making everything so so so hard for him. "I'm sorry for using you."

I step back, grab my bag then walk towards the door.

I can feel his eyes linger at me. Watching me as his heart shatter.

- - -

Hindi pa ako nakakatapak sa bahay namin pero kitang-kita ko na si kuya JP. Nakaupo sa may sidewalk... Katabi si ate Red... Nag-uusap silang dalawa. I don't know what to feel. Watching them from a distance - I should feel rage - but felt plainly envy instead. Binagalan ang paglalakad ko para mas matitigan ko pang silang dalawa na nag-uusap at magkatabi sa isa't-isa.

I can't believe how I desperately pushed myself into JP's life. I think I won't ever deserve him.

JP deserves someone better, I think.

He deserves her.

Sinira ko ata ang pulang laso na pagmamay-ari ni Kupido. Pinilit ko yata ang sarili ko sa isang bagay na hindi pa naman talaga akin. Maybe.

Pero anong magagawa ko? Eh inuna ko ang puso ko eh. Inintindi ko lang ang sarili ko. Makasarili ako. Nakakahiya.

Nakakalapit na ako sa kanila dahan-dahan. Naririnig ko na rin ng paunti-unti ang usapan nilang dalawa.

"Sa tingin mo, gaano pa katagal?" tanong ni ate Red kay kuya JP.

Hindi nagsalita si kuya JP pero nagkibit balikat siya.

"Tama pa ba tong ginagawa mo?" tanong na naman ni ate. Bumagsak ang balikat niya, seryosong-seryoso ang pinag-uusapan nila.

"Hindi ko alam..." mahina ang boses ni kuya JP pero nabasa ko ang galaw ng labi niya. Umiiling iling din ang ulo niya.

"You should tell her," sabi ulit ni ate. "She needs to know. Wala na akong pakielam kung masasaktan mo man ang kapatid ko pero kailangan niya talagang malaman."

"I told you... Sasabihin ko rin sa kaniya kapag okay na ang lahat!" JP snaps back.

"Kelan yun, JP? Tell me!" Nagtataasan na ang boses nila.

Tapos ako, ayun, tunganga na naman. Paulit-ulit sa utak ko kung ano narinig ko sa kanila kanina.

Wala na akong pakielam kung masasaktan mo man ang kapatid ko. Hindi ko na kinaya pang tumahik. Nagsalita na ako, ikinagulat naman nilang dalawa ang presensya ko.

Pangalan ko ang lumabas bigla sa bibig ni kuya JP, "S-saan ka nanggaling?"

"Anong pinag-uusapan niyo?" tanong ko. Napapahigpit ang hawak ko sa straps ng bag ko.

Hindi yata ako makahinga.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni ate. "King," this time, si ate naman ang nagsalita. Napayuko na lang si kuya JP. "Good. You're home," she tries to smile but fails.

"Chloe!-----" sigaw na naman ng isa mula sa malayo. Lumingon ako para makita si Kaden na tangang sumunod sa akin kahit itinulak ko na siya papalayo kanina(somehow).

Nang nakita ni kuya JP na nandito si Kaden, biglang bumigat ang balikat niya. "Uuwi na ako, Red. Mas lalo lang lumalala ang nararamdaman ko eh." Then he walks away.

I was stunned.

Ako pa pala (ata) ang may kasalanan ng lahat.

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