Neophilia

N 26

NEOPHILIA 26:

... Maybe today is just a bad dream. I know that I know everything about my childhood, my puberty experiences, my high school days, my friends and all the happy memories I built ever since I started walking. I know that somewhere here in my brain, I know that they're all there. Maybe it is just hidden in a recycle bin... Or simply kept in my back-up memory. Well, I don't know. What I know is just that they're there but I just need to think hard enough to remember them all.

Perhaps tomorrow I will open my eyes with a 5 year old me getting my first scrapped knee, learning how to ride a bicycle. Then if I look to my left, I will probably see myself fully dressed in my school uniform, carrying a pink backpack and a cute waterjug, or at least reading a book, whichever comes first. To my right, it's prom. I'm in a teal cocktail dress, a flower bracelet in my wrist and a good looking boy who's dancing with me, smiling and telling me that I'm the most beautiful girl he have seen. And then in front of me, I might be there, standing, crying maybe, when my childhood crush finally asked me to be finally his girlfriend. I don't know, just a memory of me having my first real boyfriend matters.

I might have drunk something which put me to an hour sleep, or a sleeping pill, or maybe I just passed out from being too drunk while I'm in my own bachelorette party because tomorrow I'll be getting married. I don't know... But I'm hoping that today isn't real.

My name's King. I'm 22 years old and I'm a layout editor of the fashion industry, Elite in New York City. When I was in college, I got into an accident because of a broken heart. It may be absurd but that's just is. And when I woke three, four days, a week later, I can't remember anything, aside from the familiar faces of my parents and sister. It took me 3 years to finally move on and continue my life's journey as I graduated college in Yulo University and pursue an amazing career once I flew to New York with my bestfriend, Ellan.

And from that point, I was pretty much fulfilled, contented in the environment that I have until I received a phone call telling me that my mom just died from cancer. Then, everything changes once I flew back in the Philippines and met the people who used to mean so much to me but being forgotten.

I don't know how long my past will unfold but I hope it will soon. My qoute and unquoute childhood crush is helping me to remember some pieces of my memories and relive them again. I wish today is just a dream.

Today is just a nightmare. This is real.

... Pero nagising akong bigo. Why now? I mean, ba't hindi ko na lang to naranasan sa una pa lang? Kung matagal ko na sana alam kung anong dahilan, baka masaya na ako ngayon. Three years! Imagine, three years akong nagtiis na wala man lang maalala sa nakaraa ko pero ni isa, hindi man lang akong nag-effort alamin kung ano iyon.

Tapos ngayon, kung kelan wala na si mommy, saka ko pa lang mararanasan ang mga ito? How is that fair?

I woke up groggy. Medyo napuyat ako sa kakaisip at kakaiyak kagabi. I don't know what will happen today, especially when JP poured out his true feelings for me. Should I even consider it?

Sabi naman niya that he's willing to wait. Alam niyang nabigla ako kahapon kaya hindi niya muna ako kukulitin doon. For now, sabi niya, ieenjoy na muna namin ang basketball game sa dating school ni JP.

Bumangon ako at hinanda na ang sarili ko bago pa man dumating si JP dito. Mamayang lunch pa naman daw siya darating, so may 4 na oras pa ako para sa sarili ko. Once I'm all prepped up, lumabas ako. Pumunta ako sa malapit na plaza dito. At dahil hindi pa ako nag-bebreakfast, pumunta na lang ako sa loob ng Starbucks. The last time na punta ko dito, kasama ko si ate Red, si Adam at si Kaden.