If It's What You Want A Harry Styles Fanfiction || h. s.

Chapter 32

He watched her absently stir around the cereal and fruit in her bowl. She had not been in bed when he woke up at 10:00. He'd found her on the patio sipping from a mug of coffee. Although he'd attempted multiple times to engage her in some light-hearted conversation, she was more quiet than she'd been since they met.

"Sweetheart?"

"Hmm," she said looking up almost startled.

"May I ask what's on your mind this morning? Is it morning after regrets?"

"No, not at all!" She looked at him wide-eyed as if she couldn't believe he'd even think she regretted what happened the night before.

"You've been incredibly quiet and distant since I got up," he said reaching over from where he was sitting to take her hand.

She squeezed his hand and focused her attention on him. "I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind. I need to go to the hospital and check by the restaurant. I have a few more wineries to look at and I need to decide on a final schedule for my trip."

"Could I add one more thing?" he asked. "There's a wedding, one of my old friends is getting married. It's part of the reason I'm going to London. I originally thought I'd just go to the ceremony, say my hellos afterwards and leave, but now I'm wondering if you'd consider going with me?"

"Harry, you don't have to treat me differently because of what happened."

"Why would you say that?"

"I just don't want a false sense of closeness or intimacy to shade the fact that we only recently met."

"There's not a false sense of anything for me, Ashley. I thought I'd been really clear about where I hoped this relationship might go. I'm not going to deny that I feel closer to you than I did before last night. I don't take intimacy lightly. We talked about this. I thought we were on the same page."

There is such sincerity in his voice and expression that I do not doubt he is telling the truth. Had I not truly been paying attention to what he said? Does he have deeper feelings for me than he openly shared? Where does that leave me? How do I feel about him now? Why did I initiate the discussion in the early morning hours if I didn't feel more for him? The questions swam around in her head as he sat looking at her.

"I think I'm really afraid of the feelings I have. Maybe I'm attempting to write them off as unrealistic or something. I . . . I . . . I cannot say that I've ever had an experience similar to what happened last night. I'm frightened to even analyze it for fear I'll read something into that event that's simply not there. Most people would tell me to stop fretting and just enjoy the pleasure . . ."

"Ashley, I don't really care what other people might say or the advice they may give. All I am concerned about at this moment is knowing how you honestly feel about the step we took last night. I don't play games. That's not my thing. I want us to be straight with one another and I thought that's what was happening."

"Fine! You want the truth! I have never felt so cherished or cared for as I did last night. Not ever! I like you way more than I think I should and it's honestly terrifying. I got up this morning because I felt sick at the thought of leaving," she whispered with her head resting in her hands.

"I care deeply for you, and I like you way more than I think I probably should at this stage. But what am I supposed to do? Should I stand back and wait for some predetermined timetable to unfold that says it's the appropriate time to do this or that? I thought what happened last night was amazing. I felt so close to you. I'm not sure how to convince you of that."

"You've given me no reason to think that you haven't been perfectly open and honest."

"Look, this is a bit frightening for me as well. It feels like the proverbial curve ball. I find you surprising and exciting on so many levels. I just want to keep getting to know you and fostering a closeness that will keep getting better and better. Do you want something similar or are we at cross purposes?"