If It's What You Want A Harry Styles Fanfiction || h. s.

Epilogue Part 5

       

Everything okay, baby?" Harry asked Ashley when they returned from the church.

"I think so. I just felt really dizzy for a moment. It's nothing," said Ashley as she learned closer to the vanity mirror in their master bathroom to check her makeup.

"Do you think you should see the doctor this week? I'm concerned that you've been unusually tired."

"Harry, we have three children and a very busy life. Once Annabelle sleeps through the night, everything will settle down. I'm fine," she said kissing him on the cheek. "Let's get this party going," she said as she took his hand and headed to the living room.

* * * *

Ashley had gone to the doctor the following week after another dizzy spell. The exhaustion she felt had not subsided after all their guests left. Within two weeks of the visit, the cause had been discovered. Ashley's long-term doctor asked them both to come in for a visit and delivered the news that Ashley had an aggressive form of breast cancer masked by the pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Harry had begged her to take the treatment offered by the team of specialists, but the odds were so poor that Ashley had opted for quality of the short time she'd been told remained. They'd spent every moment of every day together with the kids.

Family and friends rotated in and out to visit and provided a hand with the kids as Ashley's health deteriorated.

Their last week together, Ashley had insisted they say their goodbyes. She'd refused the multiple medications that made her as comfortable as possible but increasingly left her sleeping most of the time. He remembered most of it vividly.

"Harry, I know how painful this is for you," she'd said to him.

"I just can't say goodbye," he said as the tears quickly choked him.

"It's the right thing to do. There are things I want to say to you."

"Ashley, please."

"I don't know how long I can make it without the meds. If you love me . . ."

"How can you even say that?" he asked through his tears.

"Because I am willing to do what I must to have this conversation."

Harry reached to catch the lone tear that escaped from the outer corner of her eye. "Alright. I'll do my best," he said shakily.

"Thank you."

"Baby . . ."

"Do you remember the first time you called me that?" she asked with a smile.

"I do and many times after."

"Harry, I'm so proud of you and us and the kids. We made a perfect life together."

"It's been everything I could possibly have hoped for."

"And more than that for me. I couldn't have dreamed that I'd be so lucky to find someone like you," said Ashley a little more softly.

"You're tiring yourself out, baby."

"I want you to promise me that you will give our kids lots of attention. Let them know how much they are loved and appreciated. Promise that you'll be the one to tuck them in as often as possible. Tell me that they will be a priority as they've always been, that you won't sink into grief and forget that they are grieving. You . . ."

She hadn't been able to continue for several minutes as the tears took over. He'd held her hand and stroked back her hair.

"Sweetheart, I promise that I will be all to them that I've been so far. I understand how important that is to you."

"If you should continue working, promise me you'll carefully choose the person who will care for my babies while you're gone. That's one of my greatest fears. I can't stand the thought of them being without a parent. We've always, always been there."

Harry had tried to calm Ashley as her grief overwhelmed her. It was in that moment that he understood just how much she hated leaving them all. He'd put his own feelings aside and focused solely on her for the next couple of days.

Her aunt and uncle, Steve, and others had come in over those last days to say their own goodbyes. Kristen was inconsolable. She'd only just had a beautiful baby girl and could not travel. She and Colin had name her Jane, using Ashley's middle name. His parents had been with them for the final two weeks, keeping the kids occupied.

He and Ashley had talked several more times before she simply became too weak to hold a conversation. She had passed holding his and Jack's hand. Chloe had been snuggled in his lap and Annabelle close to Ashley's side.