Destroying Myself (Myself #3)

9. The Forever I had

Since all of you were asking about it, then you shall have it.

[  N I S H A ' S    P O V  ]

There were times in life where you questioned why life was so brutal to you. What sins have you wetted your hands in that God was chastising you for even taking a minor breath of life

And in that precise moment, I knew God was cruel, not merciful. If he was, he wouldn't have thrust me in front of the exact same person I had been endeavoring to skirt away from past few years. If he was merciful, he would have thought once about me.

I could bet that he was laughing at me with popcorn in his hands.

From the rear mirror, I snatched a glimpse of him. His eyes clung with mine for a second before veering back to the girl lying next to him. I should shift my eyes, avert them into something else but they were halted at him. My hands folded on my lap as I tasted repugnance and the recollections of the fabulous past I had been living in.

How beautiful it was to pretend that he loved me. How shattering it was to pretend he would protect me.

As if discerning what I had been doing, I gawked at the view outside the window, saw the trees we crossed, houses we left behind, people we ignored and thoughts I entreated to forget.

"How are you both?" I fastened my lips to Harshit's question.

How am I? Fucking fine.

I didn't care to know Rahul's reply. I was still annoyed at him even if I had no reason to be annoyed at him. He did what he thought was right, and to some extent, it qualified as for right. But how to tell my heart that its beholder and destroyer had come back?

"Rahul--" Before he could conclude his sentence, my hands traveled to the stereo, raising the volume and flooding his voice.

I could feel him shaking his head at my antics. He was well aware of my habits and still, he thought of destroying me.

"Can you lower volume?" The girl asked politely. "It's not good for the baby."

Reluctantly, I lowered the volume and we traded a polite smile. Who was she? His wife? But he said she was his friend. Moreover, they didn't strike me as husband and wife. And for a second, I felt bad for her. She had no idea with whom she was indulging. He was a master of webbing lies. And I was the victim to all of them, taking little steps to fall between them.

"Nisha, how are you? I heard about your parents."

"Fine. Just enjoying my freedom. You know how much I love it," I said nonchalantly.

His face fell down, and he managed a weak nod.

"You both know each other?" The girl asked from behind.

"Yes, we used to date. She's an amazing girl. I loved our time but I had to shift to Goa."

I chuckled. "Funny. I loathe those times. I even burnt our photos and the gifts." Looking back, I darted the girl with a look. "He's an amazing liar and a coward."

I shot him with a humorous look, noticing his pursed lips and haunted eyes but I wasn't falling for it anymore. If he loved me, he wouldn't have done the things he did. If he loved me, I wouldn't have run away from the cottage, running, thrashing in the forest, trying to forget and protect my pride.

Most of all, if he loved me, he would've respected me.

"Nisha--"

"Harshit." It was the first time Rahul said something since Harshit had joined us. "Shut the hell up. I gave you lift on one condition. You don't talk to her."