Destroying Myself (Myself #3)

3.2. Share with me, Love

[ N I S H A ' S  P O V ] 

Some days are harder than the others. That's what we say to ourselves when we are in the OR, operating on a patient, knowing either he would live or die, and then the hard part began when they die. Supposedly, a jumping feeling rises up to your throat, it contracts to a point you have no idea how to confess to the family that they have lost someone.

Someone they knew yesterday, but now it's nothing but a body of ashes.

And how the fuck could I think such bad thoughts on my wedding? What was I doing? I was supposed to have good thoughts, happy thoughts on how I was going to marry the love of my life without any problems.

Now, that sounded too complicated.

Problems followed me around, problems followed both of us around. A bad feeling rested at the bottom of my stomach, and none of my appearances appealed me anymore.

"Can I see him?" I sought permission from my sister-in-law. Instead of offering an answer, she raised her daughter in the air, endeavoring to make her sleep while her son crawled on the floor. "When did he start crawling?"

A smile flickered. "Last night. He was playing with Kabir. I was in the bathtub, losing the nerves of your functions and he shouted for me. Running, I found him crawling with Kabir with his DSLR. I was naked and seeing my son crawl." She rolled her eyes. "Can you believe he told Dhruv that he would come later? I mean who does that in your own sister's wedding?"

"I went to the graveyard on your wedding," I replied nonchalantly, perching my chin on my hand—henna died hands. However, instead of applying to whole hands, I minimized it to my lower arm. Rahul hated the smell of henna, and he wasn't wrong, it got on my nose too.

"You twins are way too weird." She halted, narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Does this run in your family? My kids are not supposed to have this."

"Not all things go in the genes."

"Actually, they do." She sat across me and I snatched Kiara from her hands, stowing her on my lap but she cried suddenly at the intricate designs picking her small legs and bottom. Stupid me. But then she stopped, her hand pressed at the heavy necklace adorning my neck, tapping it. "There is some possibility of—"

"Them having depression and anxiety?" I completed her sentence. Her OB/GYN had explained that disorders like those normally pass through genes but it wasn't confirmed and Alina had to look carefully at their lives, analyzing their situations. "It will be okay."

"Yeah," She offered a troubled smile and changed her attention to the floor. "Don't get pregnant with twins. Just a tip."

Laughing, I nuzzled my nose against Kiara's small nose. "Mama doesn't love you."

"Hey!" She hit my arm. "I love my kids. Don't feed wrong ideas, bhua." She took Kiara from my hands. "When will you crawl, Kiara? Mama wants to record that."

"Mama is worried," I sang, stood up from the seat even if the gravity forced me to the ground with the heavy dress doned by my body. Why couldn't I be married in a simple jeans and top? As if knowing the direction of my thoughts, Alina shook her head

As the night went longer, her kids were snatched by the cousins whilst she looked over the things, still waiting for Kabir. Where was he? And from her expression, it was clearly declared the worry she was getting or her constant glance at her phone.

"You're over-worrying," Sanchi voiced out, her glance on her red nails. "I should change it to pink, don't you think? Do you have pink?" Nodding, I pointed at the make-up kit at the corner. Grinning, she stood up from the seat, trudged to the back but then turned at the last second. "What's your plan for France?"