Once in a Lifetime

19

Yeri's Point of View

I was home that day. It was New Year, but I had no special plans. On normal years, I would be next to V. It was nothing special, but I was satisfied with him just being next to me. This year is going to be different. Sometimes I wished I had never confessed to V, that I just kept my feelings buried. Then maybe, just maybe, this year would be different. Well maybe not since I heard that V was with his hyungs this year, so he would not be with me anyways. But confessing lifted a great weight of my shoulders, but it also severed our family relationships.

I walked into V's room, it was tidy, but his fragrance was slowly fading from my life, like his existence. I roamed around his room, taking it all in. My hand traced every inch of his room. I sat at his desk. In one of the drawers, a corner of a picture peaked out. I opened the drawer and took the picture out. It was creased in the corner. It was of V and Wendy, the picture they took for photography. I did not know V got this picture printed. Back then, I only just met Wendy. I thought it was ironic that V and and Wendy were together in the most perfect solution. I even wanted to ask Wendy to switch partners with me. Anyone who didn't know Wendy and V would think that they were lovers and that they would have great future unless....

Was I part of their future? Did I want to be the "unless"?

I flipped the picture over and written in V's handwriting was "why?" Why? What did it meant? Was V having a hard time? Inside the same drawer, lied many crumbled up lined paper. I unballed all of them. They all had the same "why" on them repeating except for one. It looked like a letter. That V wrote. To Wendy. And it was on homecoming day. That day where everything happened.

To my Wendy from my old past (I think),

I don't know if you remember like I do. Or if you're just acting like you don't know. Cause I really don't know. But I do know that my feelings remains unchanged. When I saw your bangle and then that dream, it was enough for me to know that you lied that day, it was me not Taemin. Why did you lie? Everything fit like a puzzle, no missing piece. But that's not the point. The point is when you entered my life again and I knew nothing of you, I fell in love with you. The you now, not of the past which I don't remember much. I am writing this even though I should be picking you up for the dance delivering you to a future that would probably not have me and I don't want that. I spilled my feelings on paper, but I'm not sure if I have the guts to tell you since I doubt the feelings I have, that one day I would wake up from this dream and break you because I finally realized I never loved you. That maybe the feelings I have now were built on some kind of fantasy. I am really scared to take the step. But I am most scared of losing and hurting you again like I did years back. You deserved better.

When I finished reading, I read it again. His words were so deep. His true feelings. He wrote this before I confessed to him. He already loved someone. I was too late even though I had so many chances. V sees me as a dongsaeng. Just then I heard my phone ring. I put everything back, but kept the letter. I went to my room and picked up the call before it went to voice mail. Seulgi unnie 'so voice came on.

"Yeri, I have great news! I'm debuting! 7 years and finally I am debuting!" Seulgi screamed into the phone.

"Tell her more, unnie." I heard Joy unnie say and Seulgi continued. "We're debuting as a group together! Our gang of five! Isn't it awesome? We have to get together and celebrate and come up with our group's name. I'm thinking today downtown. Sounds like a plan?"

"Sure, I'm free all day." I replied excited.

Irene unnie' voice came on this time. "Yeri can you call Wendy and tell her the news? I called her but she's not picking up."

I agreed and ended the call to tell Wendy. Wendy Did not pick up. I tried again, but she did not pick up so I stopped. My mind focused back on Mark's letter. I wondered why Wendy did not tell me. For some reason I felt weird after Seulgi told me about the debut. Like I did not want to. All five of us promised not to keep secrets from each other. I told all my unnies that me and V weren't real siblings and that I like him. I felt betrayed that Wendy did not tell me her story.

I met with my unnies downtown. We walked and ate, forgetting everything even our strict diet that strips us of the delicious food we missed out on. We even took turns cursing and letting our pain as a trainee all out. But we vowed not to let it slip to anyone else in the company. We walked past to figures lying on the concrete.

"Isn't that Wendy. Should we help her. It looks like a guy is trying to take advantage of her." Irene said backtracking her steps. The rest of us backtracked as well.

"Why are they on the ground?" Joy pointed out. I did not know why, but we all had the same idea. We all sat at a place where we would not be seen, but close enough to hear. Once we sat down and had a good view, we knew the situation. It was like watching a drama with Mark inching closer, but Wendy turned her head. And all of our excitement turned into disappointment. Mark and Wendy sat with distance apart. Mark asked why Wendy turned and Wendy said she did not know.

"I think its because of V. You still love I don't really know what happened between you and V, but I am sure that before the accident, you guys did not break up. You lied to him, didn't you?" Mark said.

When I heard that I immediately thought of the letter. I did not wait for the answer. I already knew. Just like it said in the letter, the puzzle was complete. No missing parts. I must have zoned out because when Joy called me Wendy and Mark were gone.

"So Wendy had such a story." Seulgi commented.

"Yeri, did you know?" Joy unnie asked. I nodded no, but I knew that when she asked that question, she wanted to know how I felt since they all knew about my feelings for V

"I'm tired. I gonna go first." I said walking away. "Happy New Year."

The unnie said did not stop me. As I walked away defeated I heard Irene ask, "How did Wendy know about the debut? She did not pick her cell. And did she hear wrong? She only four of our names that were going to debut."

The others did not answer.

Maybe it'll actually be that way, Irene unnie. Only four of us. I thought as I left.