Keep Breathing

12

My fingers danced across the keys of white and black, the music filling my soul and heart and calming my mess of a mind. I couldn't quite remember why I woke up so giddy and joy filled but whatever it was inspired some writing, and since it was my day off the entire morning was spent at my keyboard. I'm sure the neighbors didn't appreciate being woken up at 7am but when your should wants to sing, you can't just deny it. 

The past few times i found myself sat on my little piano bench, the music I sang was far from cheerful. Hearing the music now you'd think I was a lovestruck little girl, but strangely, I still didn't know why I felt this way at all. As my mind wandered it fell onto the memory of sitting alone in the bookstore, the lonely and embarrassed feeling I had felt, crept it's way on my shoulders again and my fingers roughly dropped on the keys. The sound it made was loud and thundering. 

That was enough of my mind wandering for today, so I resorted to mind numbing music. I took my nirvana record from it's spot on the shelf and set up the player, the music suddenly taking up the space of my tiny apartment. I smiled and grabbed my pack of smokes from the counter, then wandered out onto my balcony. It was cold, the goosebumps on my bare legs proving it but I wasn't about to change my shorts and over-sized jumper. There was just to much effort in all that as I leaned against the rail and pulled out my lighter, quickly lighting the small white stick then watching the white puff of air that followed after. 

The music played behind me and I let it numb my thoughts. The lyrics to Polly making me hum along, by the second verse I was singing along to the words, probably disturbing my neighbors in the process. 

"It isn't me 

We have some seed 

Let me clip 

Your dirty wings 

Let me take a ride 

Don't cut yourself 

I want some help 

To help myself 

I've got some rope 

You have been told 

I promise you 

I have been true 

Let me take a ride 

Don't cut yourself 

I want some help 

To help myself "

My body swayed to the simply rhythm, I let my cigarette hang between my lips as I mumbled the words to myself. I didn't want to think about my disappointments, my loss, my imperfections or even the people I cared about. All it brought me were anxiety attacks, which I didn't need. 

I leaned over my railing, letting my arms fall and hang as I watched the streets bellow. If I jumped I might die. That was always a typical thought. As 'In Bloom' played behind me and my cigarette reached it's end, I dropped the butt of it, not caring who it hit below. I wasn't a litter bug, but today was just one of those days, you know? 

After pulling my body up and back over I carried myself to  my bedroom. My feet padded lightly across the floors until I found myself in front of my nightstand. I pulled open the drawer and carefully pulled out the small, old, oak wood chest. After setting it on the floor and lifting the lid, I reached inside to grab my discarded letter. I sat Indian style as I flipped through them, a frown creasing my brow as I read and reread the words in my head. 

"Keep Breathing" 

The first thing he ever said too me. I sighed, whoever he was obviously wasn't too interested in me now. I laid back on my floor, groaning into my hands before letting them drop against the hardwood flooring. My mind wandered aimlessly, I tried to remember last night but part of me knew I didn't want too. There was a purpose to drinking to the point of no return. Mine was to forget the pain, because when I drink, I enjoy life as I should. Pathetic, I know. But it's the only way I can. I'm not like most people who can just let it go. My memories haunt me, they don't just go away.

"Long live the reckless and the brave

I don't think I want to be saved

My song has not been sung

So long live us"

I quickly scrambled off the floor as my phone rang through my tiny apartment, I was surprised I could hear it with how loud the music was but quickly cut it off as I pulled the phone from my purse pocket and answered once the apartment was completely engulfed in silence.

"Hello?" I breathed a bit quickly, I felt a little light headed from moving so quickly but used the counter to steady myself. 

"Hey babes! Just called to check on ya, how's the hangover?" Obviously Willow didn't drink as much as I did last night because typically she'd sleep till noon, it was 9am, and she'd sound much less cheery. I was blessed with being the type to never get massive hangovers which she knew, so why was she really calling?

"I'm fine" I answered casually. "Can't remember anything, but no hangover. Why do you ask?" 

She laughed from her end of the line "That's actually why I called, I was wondering if you remembered anything. You were quite something last night" she giggled. 

"Oh great, what lovely thing did I do?" I asked a bit warily

"you were just very- uhm,how do I put this...preppy, dumb, blonde" she explained making me chuckle. 

"Oh so nothing different from me normally" I joked. Willow giggled again then quickly composed herself. 

"So uh, sorry we didn't see Harry last night" she apologized, although something about it didn't seem completely honest.

"It's alright, I told you I wasn't getting my hopes up" I shrugged slightly at the end of my statement althugh she couldn't see and twirled a strand of hair bewteen my fingers absetmindedly. 

"That kid dosen't know what he's missing" Willow comforted me, "Welp, I've got to go, I'll see you at work monday!"

"Okie dokie, bye Willow"

"Toodles!"

The line went dead and I slid my phone back onto the table next to my purse. My fingers sifted through it's contents aimlessly, I wasn't sure what I planned on finding but I didn't think what I found would surprise me this much. I pulled out a small crumpled piece of paper that I hadn't spotted before and opened it up, the writing on it making my eyes go wide and the signature at the bottom made my heart race. 

A/N: I added a prologue for some background info after the first letter if you'd like to read that... yeah..thanks for reading (: