Keep Breathing

39

A bit of Zarry for you today c:

"Harry what the actual fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Lou you know he's having a hard time with this-"

"fuck that! Harry's it's been months. I know you hate it but she's gone. And she isn't coming back. Willow told you she died" I flinched at the word "These fucking rampages you've been going on are unacceptable. Your image is trashed, and so are you. I love you but fuck Harry. This needs to stop. Running out in the streets like that? Alone?! Management is going to have another field day with you...and us for letting you get so out of hand."

"Well at least he didn't punch another pap?" Niall added, attempting to joke in the middle of Liam and Louis' parent like banter. Louis gave Niall a hard glare and Zayn rolled his eyes from behind the others. He was nearly as fed up as I was.

"We are so lucky to have all we've got Harry, you used to be the one who cherished it all the most." Liam sighed and shook his head, letting himself fall into a nearby arm chair. I felt bad, I always did for my actions. But those feelings were always buried underneath everything else I felt. 

"Let's go for a walk Haz" Zayn pushed himself off the hotel bed and walked past everyone, not bothering to wait for me as he headed towards the door. He knew I'd follow. 

I caught up with him in the hall, shoving my hands into my pockets and keeping my head low. We didn't speak for awhile. Zayn lead me to the elevators in silence and hit the button for the roof. when the doors finally opened for the second time he walked straight towards the ledge and sat down. Our hotel was right across from the ocean and gave us a spectacular view. Another thing I had forgotten to cherish these past few months 

"So what's going on with you hm?" Zayn asked quietly, his eyes still trained on the moon above us. 

I shrugged, not quite sure what to say. I couldn't find her. I can't accept she's gone. I miss her so much it hurts. "I don't know really"

Zayn hummed to himself, knowing it was a lie. We sat in silence for awhile. I knew he was waiting for an explanation so I gave up and gave it all to him. "I just don't want it to be real" I finally managed to mumble. "Like, I can't believe she...she died and I wasn't there I guess."

"So you thought that was really her at the shop today?" 

I nodded. "yeah" We sat in silence once more, watching the moon high above us. It was an all too familiar sight to me now. Every night I couldn't help but watch the night sky and whisper to the moon all my hopes and doubts and worries. "When does the pain go away?" My voice was quiet and insecure, I was on the verge of breaking again completely. 

"I don't know Haz. But I wish I did. Hell I wish I could take away some of your pain and deal with it myself...we all do." Zayn sighed and leaned forward, his eyes scanning the streets. "We miss the old you Harry.....Think there's any chance we may see him again?" he added, a small smile following after his question. 

I gave a sad smile in return and shrugged. "I hope so. I miss being happy."

"We miss it too" Zayn looked back at the sky before speaking again. "you know Lou means well."

"I know"

"Management's's just got him all wound up. They're placing all the blame on him since he's the oldest. They think he can somehow control you or something."

"I'll handle it"

Zayn gave me a sideways glance "Will you?" I nodded.

"Maybe it's finally time I move on."

Zayn-

Harry seemed a little better after our talk, the nights weren't as bad. No more 3am fights with Paul or Louis in the hotel halls after drinking. No more silent crying each night from Harry that tore us boys apart to hear. It was getting better. We were almost normal again. Sure it had only been three days but it was reassuring for when tour ended, we wouldn't have to baby sit Harry anymore. 

I parted ways with Lou and Tom by their bedroom door and bid them a quiet goodnight and thank you for heading to the art show with me tonight. Then headed off to my bedroom for what would hopefully be another good nights sleep before we started to finished up our last few shows tomorrow. 

But it seemed life had other plans for me tonight. 

I found the others in my room, Louis was pacing quickly back and forth in front of the telly while Liam sat in a close by armchair with a laptop, typing away furiously with a worried look in his eyes. Niall was curled up on the couch almost looking nervous as he watched Louis pace. 

"Hey?" All three pairs of eyes found mine simultaneously. "where's Harry?" I asked, suddenly worried by the tense feeling in the room. 

"We found some shit Z" Louis answered, stopping his pacing and crossing his arms. I rose an eyebrow and looked to Liam who only shook his head. 

"Come look at this" He muttered. I walked behind his chair and leaned over, squinting at the bright screen. 

"What is it?" I asked, but suddenly it was very clear. My eyes went wide, my jaw going slack as I gasped. "Holy shit is that recent?"

"Yeah....it was taken in LA...today"

"She's here?" Liam nodded. 

"I feel like proper shit Zayn, we've been giving him such a hard time about this and now she just shows up?!" Louis pursped his lips, looking incredibly upset

"He's been doing well these past few days" I muttered. 

"We should tell him shouldn't we?" Niall finally chimed in, looking a tad uncertain. 

"He just told me.. he told me he thought it was time he move on.." I mumbled suddenly feeling worried about this entire situation. Harry was getting better, how would he react to this?

It would ruin him. 

"We don't tell him" Louis announced suddenly. "It'll just fuck him up.  Tour ends in 4 days, then we go on break and- and he'll go home and see his mum or something. He'll never see her. Just keep him off twitter and all that. It'll be fine." Louis rambled quickly "...it'll be fine"

 We all exchanged worried glances, Louis was dead set on keeping this away from him. But in a way he was right. We'd just be leaving soon anyways.. He'd never know she was even here and he'd continue to get better and move on.... 

The guilt would eat us alive quick.

A/N: I'm so sorry this is so short but I wanted to update really bad but I'm sick and tired so next update will  be hella long okayyy. Love you lots xx.