Keep Breathing

29

It felt like tonight was the darkest it's ever been. The night was eerily quiet on the 10th floor of my apartment building. Everyone must have been going out for New Years this year. I had half a mind to join Willow at Club Red, they were letting every girl in free till midnight and it wasn't even 9pm yet. But I couldn't bring myself to leave knowing what I had originally planned tonight. I might as well stay here and suffer through it, as I promised I would. I was cuddled up on the sofa, a blanket on my lap and a warm cup of tea in my hands. The night had begun with a Stephen King novel to distract me but my interest slowly withdrew from the writing. 'Brand New' songs played quietly in the background of my tiny apartment as I stared at my ceiling. It was a pale yellow color from years of water damage but no one seemed to want to fix it. My mind flashed back and forth between these topics constantly- Today's date, Harry, if I should go binge drinking again to forget it all, back to the date, Harry again, the tea was becoming cold, I missed my family, today's date, Harry, the Axel encounter, and Harry. 

A placed my tea cup on the small table next to my couch that held a peculiar looking lamp I had found at a thrift shop a couple months back and tossed the blanket off my lap. I couldn't sit any longer, I needed a distraction. I needed Harry. 

My steps followed an unmarked, but commonly traveled path towards my balcony. The crisp December air was fit for 3 jackets but with how little I cared for my body I traveled out in only a t-shirt that stopped mid thigh. The only warmth I yearned for in the cold was Harry's body near mine. I yearned for the soft texture of his cream colored skin as we lie under the stars in the park in our week of adventures. There was never anything measurable to that experience and all the rest when I was alone. 

We lay perfectly still under the sky. Harry had found the tallest hill, away from the city, and the most quiet in nature to watch the faded stars above us. They stars were no where near as bright as they used to be back home, but it had been quiet awhile since I have seen them and I couldn't think of a better person to see them with. We were barely an inch apart. I could feel the warmth radiating off Harry like the sun, my own personal little sun, as we silently gazed up at the stars. My arm twitched beside his and Harry's pinkie brushed against mine. A light feeling welled within me, in two days was his concert and then he would leave me. A devilish thought festered in my tortured mind. 

"They aren't as bright as they are in he country" Harry sighed, not completely content with the shine of tonight's stars. But they were brilliant enough for me because he was here too.

"No, they really aren't. I always thought they shined brightest right in my backyard. My town was so small the lights could never outshine those stars."I murmured. Harry hummed, as he normally did when everything was quiet. I think he had a fear of complete silence. But I didn't mind, his voice was like honey and kept those evil thoughts away from me. Harry was like morphine, he always found a way to keep my pain away. Even if he wasn't trying too. 

 

The dull lighting of my heated living room seemed very inviting, but I liked watching the streets better. I liked to see the families walking together, the ladies of the night on their way to work, the funny dog walker man who always had too many animals for himself to handle. I watched them all, come and go, enter buildings and leave them, stop cabs and get out of them. 

"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after" I quietly mumbled the words to the song that played inside, I had wrote the lyrics of this song on the last day of having the journal. I don't know why, but these lyrics always stuck with me like so many others. 

By 10pm I had opened a bottle of wine and worked my way 3 glasses in. I knew if I ever planned on sleeping tonight, this was the only way. As I poured my 4th glass the unfamiliar sound of somebody knocking on my front door had captured my attention. I couldn't tell if it was real or I was actually that drunk. Nevertheless, I hobbled over to my front door and peeked through the peep hole. Whoever it was, the brim of his black hat was covering his face, but the height and posture of him seemed unmistakable. "Well I'll be damned" a southern feeling whipped through me. It had been years since my home life had caught up with me, and quite a few drinks seemed to bring it up too but the shock of him brought it all right out of me. The heavy wood door swung open, a gust of air gently pushed my messy hair behind me and I cocked my head to the side at the sight of him. "No way in hell" I muttered. But it sure was him. 

"You took awhile to open the door, I was beginning to think I was too late" 

"Just 4 glasses of wine too late"

Harry smiled and my gut twisted and turned inside me.  I had to be hallucinating right? "it's really good to see you Luna" I stepped to the side and let Harry in completely, as he passed my eyes narrowed on the wine glass on the counter. Maybe it had gone bad. "Luna?" My eyes snapped to his, that familiar green completely filling my vision and there was no mistaking he was completely real. right then something inside me broke. My eyes pooled with tears and my back leaned against the door, I brought one hand up to cover my mouth. Fuck, he was here. "Moon, don't cry" He stepped forward and my arms circled his neck, my face burying itself completely in his warm neck. I didn't even mind the slip of the nickname. It had been so long since someone had called me that. "It's alright. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere" Harry whispered many soothing things to me until I collected myself and finally whipped my tears away. Harry held my face in both of his large hands so I couldn't move away and smiled at me. My eyes scanned over every perfect feature of his face, his eyes his nose, his dimples on his cheeks, his hair, his mostly covered ears and his lips. Without thought I pushed myself onto my toes and let my lips meet his. 

He was surprised, I could tell by his hesitation, and how his fingers pressed slightly harder against my cheeks. But when his lips pushed back against mine in that soft, and tender way-the world came to a stop and I finally felt worthy of love, I felt worthy of life, because now I had a reason to wake up in the morning, I had a reason to be careful when crossing roads or walking along roof tops. I had a reason to feel human and from the beginning I guess it was always him because for the first time I felt the seemingly indestructible emptiness inside of me vanish and I swear it was never coming back until the day he didn't.

I never imagined two people fitting more perfectly together than we did in that moment. There wasn't a single clumsy movement between us-in the way my lips formed to his, or how his hands slid down my waist. And nothing could damage it either. I didn't care about anything but the way Harry's lips pressed onto mine.  I didn't care that I had't locked all three locks on my front door, I didn't care that there was a freshly poured glass of wine on my counter, or that the sliding glass door of my balcony wasn't completely closed and was letting in cold air. I didn't care at all because it didn't matter. Harry mattered. And there was no more denying- Harry was my everything. 

A/N: thoughts? (: