Keep Breathing

37

Harry-

I clapped loudly as Jay kissed her new husband, whistling with a smile for the couple. As I pulled my hands apart for the last time my eyes wandered over the new drawing between two of my fingers. A sun and a moon, together on the inside of my middle finger. I got it the day our PR manager told me I couldn't speak to Luna anymore. I refuse to let him be the reason we are torn apart....even if we aren't together.

I hate this so much. Being away from her. Breaking my promise. It fucking sucks. She is all I think about, all the memories that pass through my  head before I fall asleep at night, the words I write in our new songs. I can't stop it. I've recorded three songs on my own already, they won't fit with our band's genre so I decided to keep them for myself but really all I want is to show her. Let her know what's really going on. How much I wish I could choose her over everything else but that just isn't the way things work. I'd be jeopardizing everyone's dreams and not just my own. I feel like such an awful person for letting them do this to us. To her. And the boys always say there's nothing I could have done but I feel like if I was smart enough I could find a way. 

Niall handed me a glass filled to the brim with beer as we found ourselves in the reception tent for the first dance. All eyes were on the happy couple.I tried not to let the bitterness creep inside my heart again. I was ecstatic for them really, and Louis was positively beaming from across the room where he was standing with Eleanor at his side. When the DJ announced to having others join the dance floor, El immediately dragged Louis there despite his obvious protesting. There was no doubt in my mind he'd comment on their dancing sarcastically the entirety of the song and I tried to smile at that. 

Luna-

Oh how terrible it is to love something death can touch. Humanity is so fragile and breakable so easily lost like the life of a simple sunflower. Hearts break just as easily, and sometimes death isn't even the cause of it. I'm not quite sure what is worse. Having someone taken from you, or having someone leave on their own. My thoughts swim freely on the subject during another blissful high, the words much less painful in this barely conscious state of living.

My room reeked of marijuana, the last of my most recent pay spent on what I had just bought. I was quickly digging myself a deep hole I wasn't prepared to recover from but as the days went by, Harry's silence continued and I couldn't find myself to care what happens to me. I could feel myself descending from cloud 9 and a thick wave of pain building in my chest. My eyes burned and I felt sick to my stomach, this was the only thing I had felt for weeks. I laid on my side and curled my knees into my chest, still in the same spot on the floor I had woken up this morning. My cheeks were quickly wet with tears I didn't bother to wipe away. I thought I was saving myself from this, trying to keep myself from loving Harry. But I was already in love. I was in the love the moment he took me to the park and laid with me to watch the clouds until the sky grew dark and all that was left was small white specks we labeled stars. I was in love the moment he pulled those blades from my hands and told me he rather I cut his arms than my own. I was in love the moment he pulled me back from the ledge and uttered those three words for only me to hear because he believed a world without me wasn't one he'd want to live in either. 

So where the fuck was he now?

Where's his stupid promises and his stupid I love you's that make  the storm inside my head quiet. I miss his whistling when things got quiet between us and even his two left feet when it came to dancing I missed it all. But Harry had tried to wrestle with my demons and given up but how could I blame him. I'm a dying star and Harry-...Harry's a galaxy all his own.