Give My All

Kabanata 27

"What the fuck dude?! Will you knock off that crazy shit?! Nakakabading kana." Bulyaw sa akin ni Joaquin. I just gave him a death glare. "I told you to stand up with your decision diba. Magpakatotoo ka nga kasi Alexander." He said again.

"I didn't see you coming up with any idea man." Balik salita ko sakanya saka tinungga ang basong kanina pa may lamang alak. We're here sa isa sa mga bar na pag-aari niya. Kahapon lang galing ako sa bahay nila Eina, but then she was not there again. Ilang araw na siyang hindi napirmi sa bahay nila. At malaman ko lang na magkasama sila ni Sean, from what I heard he introduced her to his family, sabi nga ni lala, seryosohan na daw to. I was irritated when I heard that, hindi ko alam kung bakit. I dislike the idea that Sean and Eina are an item now, at ganoon lang kabilis? It happened so fast.

"I told you, this isn't a good idea but you refused to believe me. Masyado kang marunong. Kesyo you want Eleina to be happy na din with someone. Ang bobo mo lang, hindi mo ba kayang gawin 'yon?!" Nakabulyaw pa siya sa akin. He's so mad akala mo affected siya masyado. Kanina pa siya nagagalit sa akin. I called him saying I need someone to talk to, saka ko sinabi sa kanya lahat, pati na din ang nararamdaman ko, not that I like Eina, it's just that I feel so confused whenever I'm with her. Masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako mahihiyang magkamali kapag siya ang kasama ko. That's why I treasure our friendship more than anything in this world. Ayaw ko siyang mawala sa akin. Siya lang kasi ang taong kayang sakyan lahat ng tama at hindi tama sa akin. "Eina is my bestfriend, Joaquin. Masaya naman siya sa akin. Pero mas gusto ko lang ding makita na masaya siya sa lahat ng bagay. She always reminds me to be happy. She wants me to be happy, kasi sabi niya kapag masaya ako, mas masaya siya. I want to repay all the things she has done for me. That's why I'm doing this." I explained saka hinilamos ang kamay sa mukha ko.

"Really now? And may I remind you why are we having this conversation anyway? You called me saying you wanted someone to talk to, ngayon nakikita ko, hindi lang siya bestfriend para saiyo. It's more than that Alex. You were just too blind to noticed, given the fact that she's your friend at yon lang ang alam mo. But I see things beyond that. You have feelings for her. Admit it." He said in a matter of fact tone. I looked away.

"I can't just accept that I like her after all these years at hindi ko man lang maamin sa sarili ko ang bagay na yon." Diretsong sabi ko habang nakatingin sa kanya. He smirked.

"And right now, your biggest problem is Sean. If it weren't for you stupidity hindi sana sila ngayon. Ang bobo mo lang talaga. I can't believe you." Pagalit na tono niya. "Do you have any idea kung anong gusto ni Eleina at nanghihimasok ka? Did you even asked her if she wants to be in a relationship at ginagawa mo to?" Tanong pa niya. I was dumbfounded with that question. Did I went overboard?

"Surely, nobody wants to be alone dude, pero hindi ibig sabihin non makikielam ka sa personal na buhay ng isang tao. You want her to be happy kaya mo siya ni-match kay Sean. Masaya ba siya? Or sabihin na nateng she's happy with Sean. But the question is, masaya ka ba na masaya siya sa iba?" He asked me again. That hit me. "I can't believe I'm saying these to you Alex pero ang gago mo lang. You're a man for goodness sake! Dapat alam mo yan." He said

"I don't know what to do anymore." Naguguluhang saad ko. I massage my temples. Things really are complicated to me right now. I don't know what to do, and how to do it. I can't believe I'm saying these but I'm scared. For the very first time in my life natakot ako. I feel so incomplete.

"Then move you fucking moron! Hahayaan mo nalang ba siyang mapunta sa iba? Sort things out, make it quick, before Sean makes another move again at mapag-iwanan ka na talaga ng tuluyan." He said saka tinungga ang natitirang alak sa baso niya.

I sigh, "I-I don't know dude, she's my friend. What if she'll hate me? What if lumayo siya sa akin dahil sa gagawin ko? Or sa sasabihin ko? I can't loose her. I don't know what to do." Sumasakit ang ulo ko. This time hindi sa alak, kundi dahil sa pag-iisip. Now that I know my feelings for her, how in the world will I face her now? Naiilang ako, naiisip ko palang na makaharap siya, hindi ko na alam kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan.

"Tsk! Stupid, may mangyayare ba kung hindi mo susubukan? I don't want to ruin our friendship my ass!" He said mimicking what I said earlier.

"Sige lang magtago ka, hindi kita pipigilan, pero kapag tuluyang nawala si Eleina sa'yo, subukan mo lang magsumbong sa akin, ibabaon kita." Pananakot niya.

"Then what do you suggest?" Tanong ko sakanya habang nilalagyan ang baso naming dalawa ng alak.

He smiled playfully then looked at me while smirking. "tinatanong pa ba yon? Sometimes things are more than they appear bro." Mapaglarong sabi niya. "You're saying? I don't do riddles Joaquin. Cut the bullshit."I asked him again. I waited in anticipation. Kasi sa totoo lang mas lalo akong naguguluhan.

Ang hilig lang talagang mambiting ng gagong to.

"Gago ka pala e, pikutin mo! Ang dali lang ng paraan ang daming choices. Kidnapped her then make her pregnant. Ilayo mo siya kay Sean. In that way, she will stay with you." Nakabulyaw siya sa akin habang sinasabi ang mga yon. "I can't just do that you imbecile! She's going to hate me if I do that." Bulyaw ko naman pabalik.

"Gago ka! Edi ligawan mo! Abnormal ang puta. Ang simple lang, nakakagawa ka na nga bata panliligaw lang hindi mo alam? Umamin kana kasi, ang torpe mo pala nakakahiya ka, you're a disgrace sa lahi ni Adan." Natatawang saad niya.

Maybe I can still try...