Give My All

Kabanata 34

"Where are you?" Bungad na tanong sa akin ni Sean habang kausap ko siya sa phone. "You're with him." It's not a question, it's more of a statement.

"Y-yes. We're here somewhere in Tagaytay." Sabi ko naman. I feel guilty of something and I can't even name it. I don't know why pero naguguluhan na talaga ako ngayon.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung nasaan talaga kami. All I know is, this place is where Xander grew up. "Tell him to send you home, or better yet, sabihin mo sa akin ang exact address ng lugar na yan and I'll come and pick you up." He said in a monotonous tone.

I don't know if it's me, or he's actually pissed right now, sa klase ng pagbitiw niya ng mga salita, napakadiin kasi. "N-no, I-I'm fine, Sean. Xander will take me home, actually pauwi na rin kami." Mahina kong saad saka napatingin sa gawi niya. I met his gaze saka naman siya buglang nagbawi.

We're in the middle of a pep talk kanina when my phone rang, hindi ko alam kung ipagpapasalamat ko ang pagtawag ni Sean, because of him, hindi ko kailangang sagutin ang sinabi ni Xander kanina. Pero may parte sa akin na gusto kong ituloy ang usapan.

This is the moment I've been waiting for. I should be happy. Pero hindi ko magawang maging tuluyang sumaya dahil na din kay Sean. Ang gulo na sobra. I can't understand myself right now. Kung noon siya nagsabi ng ganito, malamang sa malamang nagpa fiesta ako.

I can feel his gaze on me, kaya naman lalo pa akong nahirapang huminga.

"Now Eleina, I want you home now." May diing sambit ni Sean mula sa kabilang linya. I shut my eyes tight. Could this thing get any worse? Sambit ko sa isip ko.

"Sean--- hey!"

"She's not going home tonight Sean. She's with me. So just back off." Sigaw niya. I was literally dumbfounded with his outburst. "What the fuck Xander?! Why did you do that?!" Sigaw ko. He just shot me a death glare na agad namang nagpatahimik sa akin. This is the first time he did that to me.

He just walk out on me without saying anything. Ano nanaman kayang problema niya?

"H-hindi pa ba tayo uuwi Xander? It's getting late." Mahinga kong usal sa kanya. After he walked out, wala nang sumunod na nangyare, I was expecting him to continue what we've started kanina pero nahihiya akong magsalita. I was waiting for him, pero he's not around kaya naman nagkulong nalang din ako dito sa kwartong binigay niya sa akin. Kundi ko pa napansin na dumidilim na sa paligid hindi ko maaalalang kailangan pa naming umuwi.

"I thought I made it clear to you Eina, what I said to Sean earlier. We are not going him. We'll be staying here for the night." He coldly said.

"Xander, may trabaho ako bukas." Naiinis kong sagot sa kanya. "Fuck that work Eina! Hindi tayo aalis dito hanggat hindi tayo nakakapag usap ng maayos. We're suppose to talk when that fucking moron interrupted." Banggit niya.

"Talk?! You want us to talk?! E you walked out on me kanina, now you're saying you want us to talk?! Langya naman Xander, iniwan mo ako doon kanina, I've waited! Nak ng putcha naman oo. Tapos mag iinarte ka ngayon?! What is wrong with you?!" I hissed at him.

I've never been this frustrated in my entire life. Sobrang gulo na ng isip ko, hindi ko na nga alam kung ano ang totoo at hindi tapos sasabayan pa ng ganitong pagkakataon?

"Isa pa nga pala, Sean is not a fucking moron, he's your friend Xander, bakit ganun nalang ang sinabi mo tungkol sa kanya. He has all the right to talk to me kasi--

"Kasi kayo na?! Girlfriend kana niya ganoon ba Eina?! He has all the rights to get pissed at me kasi mas may karapatan na siya saiyo? What happened to us Eina? Bestfriends?! Dati I'm always on top of your list, what happened now?" Naguguluhan din niyang tanong.

Pakiramdam ko mas frustrated pa siya sa akin sa bawat katagang sinasabi niya. I can't believe I'm seeing a vulnerable Xander right infront of me. I was just eyeing him. I can't even utter a single word. Sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayare pakiramdam ko hindi na totoo lahat to.

Bigla naman siyang napabuga ng hangin sa pagtahimik ko.

"I don't know what else to do Eina. Ginagawa ko na lahat ng paraan para mapansin mo ako. 'Yong ako lang ulit, just like before. Now I hate myself for introducing you to them. Kasi doon nagsimula lahat. Doon ka lumayo sa akin." He said again. Pakiramdam ko ang lungkot lungkot niya.

"Xander---

"Listen to me. Ako muna ang magsasalita, kasi pagkatapos nito, whatever your decisions will be, I'll respect that. Kahit ano pa yan, kahit masakit. I will not bother you anymore." Sabi niya sa akin habang paunti-unting lumalapit sa pwesto ko.

He held my hand, saka bahagyang tumitig sa akin. My mouth went dry by the way he starr at me.

"What I said ealier, lahat yon totoo. Gusto na kita. I dont know when that happens, basta naramdaman ko nalang ayaw ko ng may ibang nagpapasaya sa iyo. I was a fool in believing na may iba pang taong magpapasaya saiyo, but then Sean happened at natuon na nga ang atensiyon mo sa kanya. Noong una, hindi ko pinapansin, I thought it was all because naninibago ako na hindi ako ang kasama mo. But then every damn time nalang na balak kitang kausapin, Sean will get in my way. I was feeling a little jealous that time pero hindi ko pinapansin. Yon pala hindi na simpleng kaibigan nalang ang gusto ko saiyo. I want more Eina. I want you. You and me." Mahabang litanya niya.

Halos hindi naman ako nakahinga sa lahat ng sinabi niya. He just confessed everything to me.

The last thing I remember is him-- confessing his feelings for me, and now I suddenly felt something on my lips. What?

Actually, he's kissing me! What to do?!