Give My All

Kabanata 29

🎶
This time I'm not gonna let you slip away...

Without holding you si tight
Without treating you so right,

I will never let fall...
Gonna give you my all

This time...🎶

"Ok ba insan?" Tanong ni Ria sa akin habang papalapit sa pwesto ko. Napangiwi naman ako sa ayos niya. It was our lazy day today, she was wearing an oversized t-shirt at naka boxer shorts lang siya na may design na phineas and ferb. So immature naisip ko, but still she look so adorable. And me, on the other hand was wearing a royal blue silky dress na umabot hanggang tuhod ko. Typical na pantulog.

Pareho kaming walang pasok ngayon, and I decided to have this day my lazy-day. Walang gagawin. Walang lalabas, kung pwede lang wala na ring maliligo. It's a bit cold anyway, kaya naman kahit maghilata ako maghapon wala akong pakielam.

"Xander called me. He said, you're not answering his calls, why is that?" Tanong niya bigla. Agad naman akong napabangon sa sinabi niya. I sighed then took a deep breath.

"Wala. Ni tatamad akong lumabas kagabe, I'm not feeling well that's why I rejected his invitation." Matabang kong saad.

"Huh! Ngayon ka lang ata nawalan ng gana na sumama sa kanya. Dati naman you always make yourself available for him to the point na you even pretended to be his girlfriend para lang makasama siya." Nahihiwagaang saad niya. I looked away, trying to hide my reaction to her. Alam ko kasi binabasa nanaman niya ang reaksyion ng pagmumukha ko, doon makakakuha nanaman siya ng masesermon sa akin.

She climbed up the bed and hug my pillow. "What's the catch Eleina. Pwede bang magsabi ka naman sa akin? Ano nang nangyayare sayo? These past days, you're always with Sean, I mean that's a good thing for me kasi sa wakas nakikita kong unti-unti, nakakalaya kana kay Xander. But then, natatakot ako at the same time kasi naman hindi ko na mabasa ang nasa isip mo. You're not even making kwento na, na dati naman lagi mong ginagawa kahit pa tungkol sa pagiging tanga mo yon." Nagtatampong saad niya.

I remained silent. She leaned forward to come close to my direction. "I'm confused." Matipid kong sabi. Bahagya naman siyang napasinghap sa sinabi ko. "From what I've heard, Sean introduced you to his family. Bakit?" Tanong niya. "Diba you're not his real girlfriend naman talaga? Bakit nangyare yon? And now, you're saying you're confused, saan?" Dagdag pa niya.

I took another deep breath and face her. "H-hindi ko na alam kung ano ba talagang nararamdaman ko. Yesterday, Xander asked me out, dinner daw kami. But then, habang nagsasalita siya kahapon naisip ko agad si Sean, I just thought I need to tell him about my plans on going out with Xander. So I called him and told him everything then he said no, at pumayag ako doon. I made an excuse para hindi matuloy ang dinner namin, and it breaks my heart seeing him in that state. He looks awful nong tumanggi ako. The only consolation now there is, siya ang naghatid sa akin pauwi." Mahabang kwento ko.

Nakangiti naman siya sa akin habang nagkwekwento ako. Nahihiwagaang tumingin ako sa kanya. "You like Sean. Maybe you even love him na." She said in a matter of fact tone. Umiiling ako sa sinabi niya. Maybe I do like him, pero love? Wala pa ako doon.

I like him kasi all the while he's my confidant, he makes me smile. Yong mga jologs na kwento niya, kahit na gustong-gusto ko na siyang i-murder dahil sa mga asar niya sa akin. But at the same time, he makes me forget everything na nakakasakit sa akin. As if laughing with his chaka jokes is that only thing that matters.

"Maybe I do like him Ria. Pero naguguluhan ako. I know where this is heading, nagkakagusto na ako sa kanya, ayaw ko ng maulit yung sa amin ni Xander." Nag-aalalang sabi ko.

I don't want to get hurt again. Lagi nalang akong nasasaktan. Gusto ko naman kahit ngayon lang I want to save my heart from drowning into another fucked up unrequited love again. May gusto na ako kay Sean, ang tanong, may gusto din ba siya sa akin? Kaya niya bang suklian ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya?

"Then. What's stopping you?! You should be happy, now that you're finally attracted to someone at hindi na si Xander yon." Malugod niyang sabi. Umiiling naman akong nakatingin sa kanya.

I have to be careful, I should not let my guard down, not anymore.

"I-I don't know Ria. All things happened too fast. Kelan lang hindi kami magkasundo and now ganito na? Natatakot ako, what if he would turn me down just like what Xander did to me?" Malungkot kong sabi.

Napangiti naman siya sa akin saka ako bahagyang niyakap. Bahagya niya pang inayos ang takas na buhok ko.

"Then, start to sort things out. Go out on your shell insan. This time, you should fight for your happiness. Mag-ingay ka din paminsan-minsan. It wouldn't be that bad, and the good thing about that is, hindi mo na palalampasin pa ang chance mong maging masaya. Malay naten, si Sean pala ang para talaga sayo." She gladly said. I smiled.

"Paano kung hindi niya ako magustuhan?" Tanong ko.

"And so? Laban parin insan. Don't be afraid to love again, just because someone turned you down once doesn't mean it's bound to happen again. Get up and fight insan. Isa pa, if it happens na Sean will turn you down, andito naman kami. Bakit, hindi ka ba namin pwedeng mahalin ni lala? Mas masaya pa nga yon e, kasi sa ganoon klaseng pagmamahal, may forever." She said calmly. Napangiti naman ako agd sa sinabi niya kaya naman agad ko siyang niyakap.

I'm just so happy that I have them as my family.