Am I Dreaming?

Chapter 10 ✔️

On the ride home, somehow V and Jimin were still loud and causing a racket in the back while everyone else was about to pass out. Slowly things start to quiet down and eventually everyone was asleep. I decided to stay up with Jin and keep him company while he drove. We did a little small talk to help pass the time, eventually, it turned into a real serious conversation about the future, school, and even my relationship with Hoseok. "Ugh! I hate how it was mostly about me. But he just won't drop it..."

"So you really think I should stay in the program?" I ask still unsure with myself. "Ollie, I've seen your work, you're really good," he said.

I sigh, "Gamsahabnida."

"I mean, I know I can draw, but there's more to it than that. There's learning the different mediums, 2D and 3D composition, and now I have to understand the technology in graphic design and animation. I can barely understand my phone," he lightly chuckled at my last comment. "And even if I go along with this, I'll probably have to move to New York City or L.A. I can't afford that and I don't even know if I'll be able to get a job in a company."

"Will you stop saying that?" He snaps with an annoyed tone in his voice, "That's your problem, right there." I look at him puzzled. "You always say 'what if' in a negative way or 'I can't'," he explains. "Look at us, we each dreamed of becoming performers, idols, and we each had struggles. Some of us couldn't dance or sing very well, or didn't have a lot of support, others lacked in plain confidence, and so much more."

"It's really challenging to be an idol, everything about it is difficult, but it was a dream, and we all worked our asses off to get where we are now," he continues, "and not everyone is destined to have that life." He lets out a big sigh, "If you have a dream you need to think positively, 'what if it does', say 'I can' and 'I will', and take the risk—take the chances."

I look down feeling ashamed of myself. "It may not work out, but than again maybe it will. There's always a chance," he said. "The question is whether or not you're brave enough to take it." It became silent in the car, all you can hear is the even rhythmic breathing and light snores from the sleeping members. A few silent tears escaped the brim of my eyes. "You just have to believe in yourself." I slightly nod.

"Hoseok always did," he adds. I thought about what Hoseok said to me earlier. I look over at him, sound asleep in between me and Suga, snuggling with his backpack. I notice a small grin on his face; he must be having a nice dream. I can't help, but smile at the scene.

"So..." Jin begins, there's an obnoxiously long pause. It's dead-weight quiet in the car, and I'm slowly losing it from the silence, "Did you tell him yet?" He suddenly asked, throwing me off guard.

"Hm? Tell him what?" I think I know what he's hinting at.

He looked at me from the rearview mirror with an expression full of disbelief, "Don't give me that. You know exactly what I'm talking about," he avowed. "Are you ever going to tell Hoseok how you feel—"

"He knows how I feel," I interrupt, "he's my best friend, and I care about him very much. I would do anything for him and he would do the same—"

"That's not what I'm talking about," he states. "Ollie, you're in love with him."

"SHHHH! Not so loud!" I hiss, there was an obvious panic in my voice, "Arresso?"

"Oh, come on. Look at him. He's passed out. I'm in the driver's seat and even I can see that," he points out. "So...are you?"

I sigh, "I don't know."

"Well, I can tell you now, as your 'oppa' and 'mother of the trip'," I chuckle at his last comment, "and as a friend, that you shouldn't be scared." I'm sitting behind him, so I can't see him very well, only with the passing street lights, but I can tell he is being serious. He continued, "Like you said, he's your best friend, he cares about you, and would do anything for you, nor would he ever hurt you."

I know he wouldn't hurt me, but society would. And if not me then they'll hurt him, his career. I can't let that happen to him. Besides an idol dating a fan is so Hollywood/K-drama, that doesn't really happen.

"He loves you, Ollie," Jin softly said bringing me out of my thoughts, "I see the way he looks at you," he adds. I ignore the last part, I didn't want to talk about this. We continue our conversation for awhile longer, but I was starting to get pretty tired myself and it was getting a little hard staying awake.

"You should get some sleep." I try to argue, but he stops me. "Look, I appreciate you trying to stay up with me, but you're exhausted," he chuckles as an obnoxiously loud yawn escapes my throat. He looks at me with a gentle smile in the rearview mirror. I lean towards the front, between the driver and passenger's seat, and hug his shoulder awkwardly.

"Gomawo Jin-oppa for listening to my silly complaints and for the advice." He leans his head against mine. "It's what I'm here for," he says in a soft voice and gives me a sweet smile.

"Now go to sleep." I nod and return the smile, leaning back into my seat I let out another yawn and slowly let sleep take over.

About an hour later we hit a big road bump waking me up; Hoseok falls over leaning awkwardly against me, still fast asleep. His head is dangling forward over my shoulder. If we hit another bump his face will land in my lap.

"Ok, this is awkward..."

For a second I can't move, completely in shock and overflowing with awkward shyness, I feel my face blushing. I get out of my paralyze state and move over, just a little, I gently place his head on my shoulder so that he's a little more comfortable. I try so hard not to laugh, this is just so awkward and funny.

I glance down at him, he looks so peaceful, like a child. I can't help but stare and admire his features. His thin nose that always twitched when he slept, his long face and perfect jawline so sharp, so strong, and his sweet lips, they look so soft and plump with that cute little mark on his top lip. I couldn't take my eyes off of them, I start leaning in—

"Wait, what the hell am I doing?!"

I shook my head in disbelief, "Oh my God. I was going to kiss him!" My face heats up like crazy.
*I mentally smack myself*

I'm just a little sleep deprived, yeah, that's it. I need to calm down and get some sleep, even though I could never sleep now. At least he didn't see it, he's fast asleep. Everything is ok. Suddenly I hear some snickers behind me. "Crap," I thought and slowly turn around. Even though it was dark, I could still see V and Jungkook making kissy faces at me, along with Jimin wiggling his eyebrows.

This is going to be a long drive....