Look After You {Sequel To Lost In Stereo}

Chapter Twenty Six-Breathe Easy + What If Part Two

"I think honesty is the most heroic quality one can aspire to." -Daniel Radcliffe

1st January

Dear diary,

New year new me! Ha! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm Eighteen and trying to raise a kid on my own...and trying to make sure she turns into a decent person. Which hopefully she will... Hopefully... But if she doesn't I'll still love, and I'll blame Louis for not being around for her.

She started talking, and the most heart breaking thing happened, me and Killian where there sitting with her while she started talking and she pointed to me and said muma and pointed to Kill saying dada. And for a minute we just sat there, and Killian looked at me as if wanting to know if I was okay with her calling him that, and for a second I thought I was, but then I looked at Tellie and after all she looks like Louis, so I corrected her and said no. And it was the most heart breaking thing...having to say that-

I closed the book, not feeling the need to read anything more. Its weird to red that. To see in my own mothers handwriting that looked similar to mine, how I'd thought Killian was my father...

Maybe they should've let me think that...

I sighed grabbing my bag from the ground and placing it on the bed in front of me. It's not like going to bed at right was what I wanted to do...but really I couldn't stand being around dad's side of the family anymore...

I shoved the book in my bag, only to groan at the faint knock on the door.

"Come in." I snapped as I dropped my bag to the floor, picking up The Fault In Our Stars from the bedside table.

"Can I talk to you?" Dad asked as he entered the room quietly closing the door behind him.

"If I say no will it make a difference?" I replied curtly.

"Not really." He shrugged. "Love-"

"Can you not?" I cut in. "If you're gonna say anything to me can you just say it, not sugar coat it with calling me stuff like that, calling me love isn't going to change anything."

"Fine." Dad sighed as he sat on the end of the single bed. "Tellie, this isn't easy on me. I can't figure out what made you cut in the first place, and I thought you stopped..."

"I did. I cut twice that's all. It was just two cuts. One when that stuff happened at school and once yesterday. I swear that's all. It was just two cuts."

"Tells that's how it starts. Two little cuts, then it's three, then it's four, then it's five, then it's six, then you lose count." He paused. "I don't know what I'm meant to do with you now, it took months to make you stop last time and god knows how long it will take this time..."

"I didn't start cutting again. I swear it was just-"

"You cut. And because you find it addictive you did it again, and you want to do it again. Don't you?"

I didn't reply. I did want to cut again. And I wasn't going to deny it. It's just something that's there, like a head ache, it lingers in your head and makes you cringe in pain, but soon enough it's gone.

"I'm sorry..." I said. "I didn't even want to do it-I felt nothing after I did it..."

"Can I look at your wrists?"

I pulled my sleeves up, gulping at the sight of the scar covered flesh. It hurt to look at them. It was like the actual pain that came from putting them there was suddenly coming through.

"No more cuts okay." Dad said bluntly, he looked at my wrists for a moment before getting up from the bed.

"Dad," I started. "I really didn't-"