But now we're stressed øut

6

Tyler's pov

Our minds are dark places arent they? Its crazy..you can feel fine one minute and then something just triggers you. Our minds have the power to make us hurt ourselves, try to end our pain, drastically changing our lives. People take their mental health for granted, I don't want to be depressed and suicidal, i dont want to be constantly waiting for the day i snap and kill myself. Its scary. I don't actually see a future for myself.

It's crazy how low the standards for mental health are in school. You have a panic attack after being asked a question you can't answer because you have crippling anxiety? Just get over it! You dont have the motivation to get out of bed and do anything because you have crippling depression? You're just lazy. Then when you're friends notice something is wrong they say "oh you can always talk to me i care" and then when you do go to them its always the same reaction "don't be such an attention seeker" or my favourite "its only___you will be fine" like whoop dee doo I'm fucking cured.

My 'friends' knew i was being bullied and never did anything, they simply ignored it. They ignored everything going on in my life. I hate being there with them because i feel so shitty 90% of the time and I don't want to bring down the mood but i just don't have the energy to keep faking it because Ive been up till 5am contemplating suicide.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Karen my counsellor trying to talk to me "Tyler tell me whats wrong" "nothing" "being secretive wont get you out of here quicker" yeah and being a bitch wont make me talk to you "I'm just feeling drained at the moment" she wrote that down on her little chart "okay and what happened that has you so upset" "i seen one of the guys who used to bully me" i sighed feeling ashamed for being so weak "he can't hurt you here don't worry and he's surely in a bad enough mental state and wont want to hurt you" she was probably right, he's in here so..

For a guy who seems so confident when he's beating the shit out of people you wouldn't expect him to be here. "Do you suffer from anxiety and depression??" I nodded awkwardly, i hated talking about it "im going to give you anti depressants and something to help with the anxiety, you will be given the two pills everyday and hopefully they will start to take affect after a few days" i.am.not.taking.medication.
Its such bullshit. They say a little pill is going to make everything better? Those pills are just the solid form of "don't cry" it doesnt work and its useless. Like honestly, when someone says don't cry do they think it actually works? Like whoop I'm not sad any more. "Ill talk to you tomorrow about this more, its nearly time for dinner so ill let you go" i wasn't hungry but i had to go anyway.

I sat in the dining hall with a plate of white yellow substance and brown paste. They said its potato and beef with gravy, its far from that. I poked at it-turning my stomach, I couldn't eat it, i didn't care if it raised suspicions, i cant eat this trash. I put my paper plate in the bin and i was startled by someone behind me. It was karen again-does she ever leave me alone! "Yes?" I asked rudely "i noticed you're disposing a full plate of food" why do they need to pay such close attention "i had enough" "you need to eat" i rolled my eyes "I'm not hungry" "you will be" "leave me alone! If im not hungry im not hungry-you cant force feed me" "grey card" what? A grey card? "If you get 4 or more of these I'm putting you on ED watch" why did she always have to be so extra? Its not a big deal! "I don't have an eating disorder!" "That doesn't mean it wont develop" i sighed in defeat "fine, what are we supposed to do now?" "Its one on one time and then education group" "okay..so where do i go?" "You can go to the library or music room" "library please" I couldn't chance seeing josh.

I scanned through all the books. It ranged from 'the very hungry caterpillar' to 'sherlock Holmes' neither interested me. I ended picking this book called 'all my sons, by Arthur miller' it looked interesting.