But now we're stressed øut

14

Josh's pov

I can feel myself floating away..drifting aimlessly through space, passing stars, galaxies, planets and pure darkness. Where was i? I dont know but I couldn't go anywhere, I couldn't feel anything except a light breeze on me, it was warm, the feeling you get lying on open grass on a summer day but in space.

I felt calm. I knew as soon as i woke up from whatever this was i would be sent back into my hellish mind and it would all come back to me but for now, this was nice. Finally peace and quiet in my head as i floated away.
Maybe im dead? If this is what death feels like then I don't want to live.

I watched as all the planets and stars around me began to disappear and i felt a pain in my chest, like i was falling. I was waking up.

My eyes shot open and i sat up looking around. I wasn't in my room. This room looked familiar "hello how are you feeling?" I almost screamed when I noticed the nurse sitting in the chair in the corner of my room "where am i?!what happened!?" I said panicked and she gently smiled coming over "you had a really bad anxiety attack and we brought you here so you would be safer" i looked around again. So bare. "What ward am i in now??" I groaned putting my head in my hands, why did the attacks have to come back? "You know we cant tell you that information" some other patient will tell me at meal time anyway "okay then..why was i moved?" "We moved you so we could monitor your progress more closely" ah, code for 'hey you went psycho so we have to lock you up' great.

I lay on the bed thinking. Why was i thinking of what happened to ruby again?it was so long ago..i still don't know what happened, they refused to tell me..I couldn't remember what happened-I've never really opened up to counsellors about this because...i think i killed her.

"Josh, your new counsellor is coming in now" the nurse said opening the door as the person walked in sitting "hello, my name is ben" she opened up her notepad, ben wasn't a common girls name-oh that's probably because they aren't a girl "so do you have any idea what happened to you??" "I went crazy and freaked out?" "Sure, if thats how you see it. Josh, we think you might have a form of ptsd, do you remember any traumatic events in your life??" Oh great more labels "no" "okay, i was told that when you were having the anxiety attack that you were shouting about somebody called ruby, who is that?" "Nobody" "they must be important to you, no?" "Yes.." "who is it?" I sighed, I wasn't getting out of talking about this and i wanted to scream and cry about it "an old friend" "old friend? What happened?" Who do they think they are asking me all these personal questions-it doesnt matter to her-maybe i killed her I don't fucking know anymore how the fuck can i know when all i remember is her bloody corpse "nothing Stop talking about it" "why??" "Its not important" they looked at me unimpressed "if its causing you pain its important" "how do you know its causing me pain! Im just fine!" "Talking about it will help you I promise" "i dont want to talk about it" "josh-" "NO" i stood up angry ready to leave this room "wh-" "LEAVE ME ALONE OKAY? IF I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT MY DEAD BEST FRIEND THEN MAYBE I WOULD NOW GO AWAY" they looked offended and i got the lump in my throat, i was going to cry "what happened to her?" "I DONT KNOW I THINK KILLED HER" i screamed instantly regretting it, my knees went week was i feel to the ground sobbing, curled up in a ball.

Tylers pov
This place sucked even more than the other place-at least there they didn't watch me pee. I was constantly tired no matter how much i slept. the food here looked better but i still didn't want it because it would make me sick. I want to get out of here-even if its in a body bag.

I sat in the main hall with the nurse who wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't like it..at least she was nice. I looked around noticing a lot of nurses were here-not every person had a nurse though, there wasn't many people here. "Why is there barely anyone here??" I asked the nurse who's name was Emily "a lot of people prefer to be alone and fear social interaction so we ease them into it" this place was weird-not because of the ill people here, i just get weird vibes..like they are keeping a big secret from me, everything is fine and i know thats not right "will i ever be allowed to go back to the other ward??" I asked playing with my hands awkwardly "I'm not sure, it depends" "on what?" "Your condition, if you are doing well we will move you around but don't worry about that for now" "okay..its boring here" she looked at my pitifully "we can't have a lot of entertainment because noises and pictures tend to trigger patients" "oh, then how do people entertain themselves?" "Most of them are with nurses and counsellors doing work a lot of the time and when they arent they are too exhausted or depressed to do anything, your mood surprises me" i raised an eyebrow at her "my mood surprises you?" "Yeah, you dont seem like..your mood is-" "im not depressed considering i just tried to kill myself?" She nodded unsure of how id respond "after the second attempt you really just stop caring, i dont care if i die or if i live, im looking for a way out" "if you dont care then why did you?.." "i wanted to be away from here and all my problems, who doesn't? It would take a miracle to fix me" "you arent a toy that needs to be fixed tyler, any problems you have can be fixed, if not then you have the capacity to deal with it" "but..it gets too much" "when it gets to much then talk to someone, if you can't then talk to yourself-sometimes just saying your problems out loud can help, you dont even need words, cry, scream, draw-dont bottle up those emotions and please don't take it out on yourself" she made a lot of sense...i could actually try those things "thank you" she smiled softly "you're welcome, would you like to go to the library?" I didn't think they had one! "Sure"