But now we're stressed øut

12

Tylers pov
I woke to a beeping sound coming from beside me, i felt pain shooting through my body, what happened??. I slowly opened my eyes, the sunlight blinding me.
I don't remember anything . I looked down, pain shooting through me as i moved. My arms were bandaged and there was plaster of some sort on my torso, how badly could i have hurt myself?. I had no time to think before a nurse walked in "tyler! You're awake!" She beamed coming over to me "how are you feeling" "sore..a bit sick too" "oh the sickness would be from the sedatives we gave you" my eyes widened "sedatives?!" "Don't you remember?" "Umm" she looked at me with pity "you lost control so we had to taken action" i nodded-instantly regretting it because of a pain in my neck "where am i? What happened??" "Im not supposed to speak about what happened im sorry but you we're brought here when you passed out and we managed to stitch up your deep wounds" "when can i leave??" "Once you are fully assessed, your new counsellor is coming in now" I didn't reply, why did i have a new counsellor? I mean my old one was a bitch but...did i get her fired?! I'm a horrible person.
The nurse put water beside my bed and a tall man entered as she left.

"Hello, how are you feeling?" He asked sitting down, this must be my new counsellor "okay..i guess" he had curly brown hair and a soft smile "I don't remember what happened...can you tell me??" I asked, hoping I wasn't bothering him by asking "well, you were in a counselling session and you ran out of the room, they tried to stop you and calm you down but you ignored them and began to violently shake and scream so we had to sedate you incase you hurt yourself more" i was silent, wishing i could be anywhere else but here "tyler, what made you want to hurt yourself so badly??" "I don't even know how i hurt myself, the sedatives made me forget..sorry" he just gave a pitiful smile "when you left your old counsellors room you began to claw at your skin and nobody knows how but you had a blade and im sure you know where it went from there" how couldn't i remember any of this! Did they brainwash me? Did they do something to me or did i find out something and they drugged me? Im thinking about this way too much.

"Since you don't remember what mental state you were in i cant talk to you about exactly what happened but i want to know when you you began to have dark thoughts" "well...its been so long I don't even remember when it began" "so nothing majorly traumatising happened??" "Yeah...its selfish of me to be like this, i have a house and a loving family and i should be happy" he nodded "mental illness doesn't care about your situation in life, if you were a millionaire or homeless it still happens" "i guess so" "it must be a mix of different things then??" "Yeah...i was bullied, my parents were always fighting, nobody had time for me anymore and it all got too much" "are the feelings you get from bullying the same you get from when your parents fight?" "Yeah..with bullying its a fear of what if people find out and think im weak, everyone just stands around laughing when im beat up so i feel helpless and with my parents well..im sad because I remember how close they used to be and they used to always listen to me, I didn't feel needy and pathetic when i asked for something but now i do because i hear them fight about money issues" "when people see you being bullied they are afraid  of being bullied too, its not a nice thing to know that they will ignore you but you are a normal person just like they are and if your parents want you to be concerned about their troubles they will directly say it to you, i know its hard hearing fighting but their relationship and your relationship with them is completely different, you are their son" "but im terrified to go to school, I don't want to be beaten to a bloody pulp everyday, then have everyone asking what happened, it makes me look weak" "why are you so obsessed with looking weak?" "I..I don't want peoples pity, I don't want people to think I'm some freak who takes everyones crap all day, if i ignore them it's worse and if i get to confident its worse too! Same out come every time" "and your friends don't comment on this?" I laughed, good one. My great fucking friends.

"They don't care" "what makes you think that?" "How they turn a blind eye to all of this" "you must understand they have their own problems" "yeah...but they don't need to make me feel so shit about mine" "how do they make you feel this way?" "They ignore me, act like my mental illness is just a feeling that will go away, how great would that be if it did" "you need to realise your friends aren't your counsellors, you need to sort this out with you and i" he was right, I couldn't rely on them anymore..well i never really could for a start, anything i told my closest friends of course got out "yeah i get that" "good, you are capable of being strong on your own, you have your own problems and everyone around you has their own, you are just like the rest of us, you arent crazy for feeling this way, you are not in the best mind state and you will be"

Maybe he was right...maybe all of this is temporary..

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A/n : Welp that sucks but eyyy updates also I didn't proof read this so it's probably full of mistakes.