But now we're stressed øut

13

Josh's pov

I walked down the dimly lit street, cold air on my face as i walked, dread running through me. I hated this bit, having to go home.

I snapped out of my thoughts by a loud scream echoing through my head, i couldn't tell where it was coming from..is it even real? Nothing is ever real anymore. As i edged closer to my house i heard a smash..I didn't think dad would be home. I walked in. I tried to be quiet as possible but nope I tripped "JOSH" fuck.
I ran up the stairs but he grabbed my leg and dragged me back.

"YOU DESERVE THIS. YOU KILLED HER"
"NO NO I..I didn't kill her" i sobbed as i was kicked. I didn't..I couldn't have killed her. How could i? My hands were blood soaked..but i didn't..

I woke up in cold sweat, traumatised.
Why did that nightmare keep coming back! Im not a killer! Dad always fucking blamed me for Ruby's death but I haven't seen him in years..i live with mum and my siblings now. I don't remember much about Ruby's death..i only remember running home and dad being angry and my hands were covered in blood..oh god.

I began to sob hysterically, the memories of ruby being clouded over by that night, over taken by my dads rages.

Did i kill ruby?.

Is that why im in here?

Have I actually gone insane and tried to convince myself otherwise?.

I didn't realise i was screaming until a nurse ran in concerned "whats wrong!" She asked alarmed and i sobbed "i..Im crazy!" I felt panic rising in me, trying to remember what happened to ruby "josh calm down you aren't crazy" i tried to breath but i felt myself going light headed and the world went dark.

I walked into the dark room, she was lying in the corner her eyes gauged out...did i do this?
The only thing lighting up the room were eyes, staring at me. I DIDNT DO THIS. I know I didn't do this.

I heard footsteps coming towards the room and screams in the distance. Gun shots going off outside the room. I didn't do this. I hid under the bed across from Ruby's bloody body, holding my breath "HES IN HERE" i heard a man shout and the door swung open and i tried not to scream "THE KILLER IS IN HERE!" My feet was grabbed and i was dragged out from under the bed as i screamed "you killed her" the tallest man said and i shook my head "no..NO!!" "You know what we do to killers?" I screeched in hopes of someone saving me but they just laughed "nobody is going to save you now" i sobbed waiting for it to be over.

Tyler's pov

I fucking hate it here, people constantly following me around and watching me-i cant be left alone for a split second! If i even scratch my arm they take note of it, i cant even shower in peace...its not fair.

I miss having people i know around, josh, all of those in my old group. I had so much freedom there compared to here, i cant even look at certain people. There is no music room, no library, no games room. I frequently hear screaming from down the hall and it's terrifying.

I was sitting in my room doing nothing, the nurse keeping her eye on me at all times. "Tyler its time for lunch" i shook my head, I didn't feel like eating-it was the only thing i had control of because they couldn't force feed me "im not hungry" "you have to eat" "nope I don't" "just eat something small, it will give you energy, I promise you will feel better" i shook my head feeling like a dick because she was being so nice to me "if you don't feel comfortable eating around people you can eat in here, its only me" she smiled making me feel bad "just have some toast, please" "i feel sick" she sighed "i know this is very hard on you but starving yourself is not the answer" "I'm not" "you haven't eaten in 3 days according to your charts" what was she trying to get out of this? I didn't want food, i wanted my life back "Its okay, in a few hours you might be hungry" try me.

I lay down in the bed, thinking. What was i doing? I really just tried to kill myself..its all too fucking much..im so privileged compared to some people, im not allowed to feel this way. Its not like i was abused or raped, im not homeless, i wasnt alone-i had my siblings...so why do i feel this way? Sure i was bullied but i only got what i deserved..i make such a big deal about nothing...so why do i want to die so badly??..ive had too much time to think, 2 suicide attempts this month...ive been thinking too much and i know i need help but i dont want it because i know as soon as i start talking about whats going on in my head that they will realise i need to be in here forever. I have no escape but death.

I looked down at the bandages covering my arms, i hated this. They would let me see what i done to myself because they were afraid of triggering me..having these bandages on makes me want to rip them off. Its awful. I seen the nurse look at me weirdly "are you okay?" I sighed "can i take off these bandages??" She gave me a sad smile "you want to hurt yourself don't you??" I looked away, embarrassed..of course she's seen this stuff before "no i just.." "its okay tyler, I've seen it all before, don't be embarrassed, Whats on your mind??" "Its..its stupid" "if its making you upset its not stupid" "why do i want to..hurt myself? I have a perfect life" she just smiled sitting on the bed beside me "you were bullied, that can be very traumatic" "but..i only got what i deserved" "you aren't well, i know you hate to hear that but it is what it is, its all in your head thats why its called a mental illness" i hated people saying i was mentally Ill because it make me out to be really sick or something "depression is hard to live with but it gets better gradually and of course there will be bad days but a bad day is not a bad life. I cant tell you exactly whats making you suicidal, only you know that" she made a fair point..even if it hurt "I've lost so many people in my life, friends, family, Its hard..i guess" "well thats their fault, they made that decision, thats not your fault" she doesn't understand me that well.

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Oooohhhh josh drama v spoopy.
Also woah like 80 views on this, thats crazy! Who would read this trash😂 much love my lil beans