But now we're stressed øut

8

Tyler's pov

I lay in bed unable to sleep. They told me to take these sleeping pills but i knew they would make me feel sick and i already felt sick because I hadn't eaten anything. I got up turning on the lamp on my table and taking out my notepad that i wrote songs in.
I only had a few random lyrics in here..i always wrote when I couldn't sleep.

I wish i was home. Where i could do anything, i could get up at 4am and make tea to help me sleep, where i could have a long warm shower and go watch a movie while eating popcorn, i could just listen to music and tell jay stupid jokes that he would laugh at no matter how stupid...i missed all the simple things. I miss my family, i miss my friends. You never realise how good things are till they are taken away.
Its funny. I wish to be home but if i was home id wish to be dead, thats crazy, just like me.

I jumped as soon as the alarm went off and i sat up. I fell asleep at my desk. It was now 7:35 and i had to go shower and get dressed but i had no motivation, so I didn't care if i smelled like a portable toilet at a carnival.

I walked down to the hall, it was breakfast time..ugh. I really wasn't hungry but I didn't want another grey card. I went up and got one slice of toast as it was the only thing there that resembled food. Im sure the grey gunk was very nutritious but ill pass. I sat down at my usual table, alone and picked at my toast.

I didn't finish the toast, how could somebody fuck up toast that bad? It was like the butter came from an dead persons armpit-it smelled weird and tasted disgusting. I threw the toast in the bin and sat back down.

As i was leaving the room I heard a door slamming and my heart dropping.

I lay in my bed hearing screaming and fighting from mom and dad again, screaming such awful things. My hands trembled as i picked up the pen and began to write. This was my final note. I cried as tears ran down my face and blood ran down my wrists, this was it.

I was thrown out of my daze by a hand on my shoulder "tyler are you okay??" I looked up, it was josh! "U-uhm yeah..yeah im fine" "Josh no hands on patients!" A doctor barked and he stood back quickly "you werent responding to my voice so i.." i nodded understanding and hw nodded back as i walked away to morning counselling.

I hated counselling, a few months ago i went to one, only had one session and my dad decided it was too expensive so they thought id be fine anyway, a suicide attempt later and well nope im not.

I sat down at the in front of my counsellor and she looked at me disapprovingly "i seen you ate no breakfast" "okay?" "If you get another grey card-" "yes i know!" I snapped at her, I didn't care about getting stupid cards! I didn't care about anything. "I noticed you didn't take your pills either" "i forgot" "you need to start trying to help yourself if you ever want to leave" "oh yeah thats just the thing a suicidal depressed teenager wants to hear" "stop with the attitude, we want to help but you're not making it any easier for us" "im sorry should i just nod and act like everything is okay? Should i act like I didn't try to kill myself? Would that make your life easier?" She sighed at me and i was fuming, sick of this. We basically spent the whole time fighting but i was happy when i got out.

--

The day was going by surprisingly fast thankfully, now it was time for group therapy, great. I sat down in my usual spot beside josh in the circle, I didn't mind..something made me feel less intimidated by him. I realised all the people in my education group were here. The guy with the emo hair-eh bad description-the guy..his name was Michael i think, well anyway-he kept giving fedora boy dirty looks and i couldn't tell why, the guy looked innocent but maybe they had history.

"Okay we will go around in the circle and everyone has to compliment the person sitting on their left! Like this" the teacher motioned to alex "hello alex you have nice eyes-and he goes to jack" everyone nodded, dreading having to be positive for 10 seconds.

"Hi jack, you have cool hair"
"Hi pete you have..nice eyes" fedora boy and Michael-ill just call him mikey-both glared at jack, i had i feeling mikey and pete were fucking, wow is anyone here straight?
"Hey mikey you have soft lips" mikey winked back ,yep definitely fucking "hey ryan you seem cool" oh so pete is the jealous type? He didn't really compliment him, sherlock holmes who? "Hey Brendon, you have a nice ass" the teacher looked disapprovingly and people laughed quietly "not as nice as yours" Brendon quickly said turning to fedora boy "hey patrick, you have a great voice" ohh Patrick is his name! He doesn't look like a singer but who really does anyway? "H-hey ray, youre awesome at guitar" he smiled sweetly at him "hey frank, you suck but i like you" "i suck Gerard's dick" he smirked and mikey buried his head in his hand "frank stop talking about Gerards dick! Everyone knows yous are fucking" "please stop talking about this!" The teacher said annoyed-its obvious shes the only one not getting dick in here "hey kellin, you have luscious hair" the guy beside kellin, victor I think, glared at him, wow lots of jealous boyfriends in here "hey vic, you have great hands" there was something more to that, id rather not think about that "hey tyler, I actually don't know you that well but you are a piano master according to josh so you seem pretty cool" josh was talking about me! Piano master?? That made me cringe but thats nice "hey josh, i really prefer you when youre beating the drums for a change" he gave me this goofy smile, i was glad he knew i was only joking.

We finally finished that and it was actually fun, i always thought group therapy was stupid and didn't work but I actually felt pretty good! It was great learning how gay everyone is.

As i was walking back to my room, i wanted to get my lyrics notepad and i noticed how empty the hall was-usually there was staff patrolling the halls but for a change there was nobody and it was dead quiet. As i was entering my room i heard a shout from the room beside me, was the person okay? I was about to go in when i heard a mans voice moaning daddy-yeahhh ill just get my notepad and go.