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Hiding

Chapter 4: Hiding



It's been a few days since the accident. The cast on my ankle is annoying and itchy, and I still become dizzy easily from the concussion.


No one knows the secret I've been hiding. Not my parents, my sister, manager or my best friends. No one. Besides me and my doctor, who is sworn to silence by patient confidentiality.


I feel so lost and empty. I don't know what to do! This is the worst possible time for this to happen!


I never pictured it to happen like this! I was supposed to be married, living in a house in LA or Santa Barbara and able to dedicate the time to being a mother.


My phone buzzes.


It's a text message from Tamra:


"Hey Katy, are you feeling well enough to come into work today? We need to make the adjustments for your costumes."


I let out a sigh of gratitude and relief. The doctor told me I had to stay off my feet for at least two days. It's been three days, and I'm dying to get back to work. Not necessarily for the work part, I mean I love what I do more than anything, but I definitely need to get some things off my mind.


Brad and Tamra come pick me up, since I can't drive because of my stupid ankle. The paparazzi are surrounding my house and asking all sorts of questions. I hold back the urge to cuss at them and flip them off by just ignoring them and hiding under my Chanel blanket.


The day at work goes really well. We get a decent amount of tasks done and head to a club later that night to relax.


Today was just the distraction I needed. I haven't been able to just go be me and hang out since the crash.


We get to the club and all sit up at the bar to order a drink.


The bartender asks me what I want and with a sudden realization, I remember I can't drink. Because I'm... Yeah.


I freeze and the color leaves my face. The bartender asks me again and then Johnny notices and asks if I'm okay.


Quickly, I shake it off.


"Yeah, sorry. I just remembered that I can't drink while I'm still recovering from a concussion."


That's true, although it wasn't the reason I was thinking of.


I began to feel sick and ask to be taken home. I can tell my friends are concerned, but I blame it all on recovering from the accident.


As I lie in bed watching the hours go by on the clock, I just think about what could have been and what should have been.


I roll over and look at the time.


6:00 AM


Shit! I haven't slept at all! Whatever, I'm just going to tell Tam I can't come in today on account of 'my head and ankle hurt.'


After over thinking about my situation, a sick feeling comes over me again. But not a morning sickness, more like a sickness of the realization that this isn't going to go away.


Imagining all these alternate situations and things that my life should be at right now won't change the fact that I'm... I'm...


God! I can't even say it! I. Am. Pregnant! I, Kathryn, am pregnant, dammit! And I need to deal with it!


Suddenly the nausea overcomes me as I jump up and hop to the bathroom to throw up in my toilet.


Yup, that one was probably morning sickness.


While lying on the floor of my bathroom I try to think of the the simplest way to tell people. What am I supposed to tell my family? My friends? My team? My fans?


The more I think, the more my head hurts. Then an idea hit me.


I can make this go away. I can make this like it never happened. No one would know! This problem can disappear!


I put on some clothes that no one would recognize me in, sneak out of my house so no one notices me and take the bus to the downtown clinic.


I know what I need to do.