Ice Breaker.. Can I Get With You?

" I think it'd be best if we were just friends.. it's not you it's me. I mean I hoped I wouldn't have to do this... I just don't feel the same way anymore.. I know someday you'll find a guy and he'll love you like there is no tomorrow.. I promise. I'm sorry.. I'm just not that guy. I mean we both seen this coming, I mean I guess I should tell you now.. I cheated on you three times.. I felt bad but I just needed to figure out my feelings for you, and I'm moving in the fall so why wait until then right?"

 Yup, thats what my boyfriend.. or EX-boyfriend texted me! TEXTED ME! I was all excited for our two year anniversary but now not so much. He could go die in a hole for all I cared now. What an ass." I am definatly in need of some retail therapy or maybe i should go to the club? Forget the terrible ache in my cheast... yeah that's what i'll do." I thought.

As I walked down the hall in my house I wondered why I was alone.. usually Jenna or Kiana were around here drinking my milk or eating my food? Oh well I'll text them and find out I guess.

"Where are you guys?"-Payton<3Jesse. I should probably change my signature seeing as we are no longer together. I thought to myself. 

I changed everything. When I say everything I really mean EVERYTHING. I waited and waited for a reply but got no answer from either girl.. which i found completly weird. I soon found myself writing in a sketch book how i felt right now. 

"Thinking of easier times, thinking of easier days.

My heart is a fragile thing, not to be taken easily.

You used to make my heart sing, everything went breezily.

I miss talking to you, I miss making you laugh.

All you had to do is say Bye, now I want you to die."

That night I was alone... I literally had no one, so I did what I needed to do.. I cracked open a bottle of vodka and drank my pain away.

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I woke up to an annoying ringing sound that made my head pound twice as much. I reluctantly got up and found out the ringing was my phone. I answered just to be yelled at by none other than Kiana. She was yelling at me asking why I wasn't at school. 

Shit.

I forgot that it was Sunday and I got wasted by myself. I have offically hit rock bottom. I am a good girl.. to a point. I have never done anything to make me slut or whore but people labled me that just because Jesse thought he could get girls jealous by saying we got together multiple times. I'M A VIRGIN! I was really pissed about that but I quickly got over it, because I knew the truth and so did Jenna and Kiana. Those are the only two i really need to survive at my school. My school is filled with judgemental preps so I hated it. If i hadn't met Jenna and Kiana in grade 9 i probably would have died by now.. that's how mean kids are at my school.

Being Native didn't really help either. I know I have no control over my cultural background but you'd think people would get to know me before they automatically assumed i was a lazy, good for nothing drunk. Bunch of assholes I tell ya. I have a decent average at school but one subject I just can not get is Math, and of course thats a mandatory subject. I just all around hate school.. except gym. I LOVE gym but thats only because we do a hockey unit through out the winter. I am a big hockey fan! I don't play but thats only because the girls' team can't have contact or anything, and I'd try out for the guys team but they won't take a girl on the team. Sexsist coaches and players.

I got ready for school at an extremely slow pace. I spent like an hour in the shower just dreading having to see Jesse in the halls and to make matters worse we have all the same classes.. yay.. can't get any worse though. I mean I get to see Jenna and Kiana so thats a plus I guess. As I went out to my car I wondered how Jesse was taking all this.. I mean he broke up with me and screwed me over multiple times but he loved me... so he'd be upset to... right?

I pulled into the school parking lot to see Jesse making out with that slut Ally. I really hated her. She always tried to steal Jesse from me but failed.. miserably. To see them making out made my chest constrict in pain and i lost my breath.. I took deep breaths before getting out of my car and walking by.. as tears welled in my eyes I was suddenly pulled by my arm to a stop. I turned to see Jesse's gorgeous brown eyes looking at me like I was dieing. Looking into his eyes made the "forgeting him"  very difficult. I hope he didn't do this often.

"Can we talk?" Jesse asked as I dropped my gaze a tear sneeking it's way down my cheek.

"mhmm" was all I could say. I couldn't speak I knew my voice would fail and it would sound like a wisper.

"Look Payton I'm sorry. I didn't mean to text you the break up, but I just couldn't look at you knowing I was only gonna hurt you." He told me with sadness in his eyes, I sighed as I brought my gaze back to his. 

" I know..but you still hurt me worse by doing that.. " I tried but as I knew it was only a wisper which I don't think he caught, I hoped he didn't hear me.

I felt myself shaking as his hand was still grabbing my arm. I quickly yanked it away and ran off crying. Where the fuck were Jenna and Kiana?! I spent my lunch hour crying in the girls bathroom when I suddenly felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I grabbed it and saw a call from Jenna. I answered quickly feeling more tears well up in my eyes.

"h-hello.." I stuttered which meant I was about to break out in Sobs again.

"Payton! OMG I just seen Jesse with Ally! What the hell is going on?!" Jenna screamed

"He dumped me! That's whats going on! I am now crying my eyes out in a girls bathroom! with no one around not even my best friends!" I hung up before Jenna had a chance to say anything else.

I knew I was being childish ignoring calls from Kiana and Jenna and ignoring them in the halls, but in my defense I was ignoring everyone so I hoped they wouldn't take it to heart. I drove to my appartment building and decided to lay in bed and cry. After crying for what seemed like forever I got up, grabbed my sketch book and wrote another poem. 

" My heart has been broken, by none other than you.

Ripped to shreds and torn into two.

Who I thought you were was a lie.

You are a demon in an angel's disguise.

The author of my hearts demise.

You are a child, and my heart is your toy.

Well guess what? I'm done with you boy.

I cried my last tear, you ar no longer my hearts taker.

So goodbye... My sweet heart breaker."