just keep swimming | l.h.

2

WARNING: Mentioning of self harm and depression

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A few days later, hell aka school started again, so I got up early in the morning, brushed my wavy light brown hair and put on some nice clothes and a bit of make-up.

As usually, my best friend Michael came to pick me up. He was 2 years older than me but he actually was in my grade because well, let's say he's not the most clever guy I know.

Michael smiled at me and said "Hey Gabriella, how's it going?"

I sat down next to him and rolled my eyes "How often do I need to tell you that I prefer Bella?"

"I like your full name though" Michael pouted and I laughed a bit. Bella was the name my father always used to call me, it had been my nickname pretty much since I was born and I liked it way more than my actual name.

"You dyed your hair again" I changed the topic and ran my fingers through Michael's lilac hair.

Michael grinned and said "Yea, got bored of black"

-

After school ended, Michael visited his grandparents, so he sadly couldn't give me a ride home or hang out with me later.

It was a pretty warm day so I decided to go to the beach. Mum didn't like it when I went to the small beach near our house because there were barely any people, but I loved that beach and Dad used to take me swimming there a lot so I just grabbed my stuff and escaped to my favourite place ever.

I've always loved the sea, another thing I got from my Daddy. He loved the ocean and especially fish. Not to eat though, he loved them as animals. Maybe that's why "Finding Nemo" always used to be his favourite movie. I remember how the movie came out and I went to the cinema with Dad and my older brother James. My brother didn't like the movie that much but my dad and I completely fell in love.

To this day the movie meant a lot to me because it was one of the things my dad and I had this kind of bond over. Dad and I had always been so similar and he was my best friend - besides Michael obviously - so I guess i'm the one of the family who is suffering the most. Of course Mum and James were as miserable as I was when Dad died but they kinda got over it and moved forwards, which I just couldn't.

I'm still stuck in this black hole and I'm waiting for my Dad to pull me out of it even though I know this won't happen.

I looked at the waves of the ocean. They were high today, but I was a good swimmer so those waves didn't stop me. I quickly put off my shirt and my shorts, leaving me in just my bikini and showing off all the ugly scars and cuts on my thighs - for luck there was nobody in sight on the beach - and walked into the water slowly.

The salty water stung when it reached my thighs, the salt burned in the cuts like hell but I didn't even care, I just kept on walking into the water and when I couldn't walk anymore I started swimming. I was far out on the ocean when I suddenly felt really out of power and tired.

I knew that I had to get back to the beach somehow, but the waves got even stronger and higher. It wasn't much way left to the beach when I suddenly realized that there was a person standing on the sand. I couldn't make out the face of the person but he or she seemed to search for something in the water. While watching the person I didn't even realize that I was being floated out into the sea even more and I was just too weak to fight back against the waves. Maybe If I'd eat more and cut less I would be stronger, but as I said, I was stuck in the black hole of depression.

Suddenly my head was under water and I began to panic, there was water all around me and I was about to drown. I tried to calm myself and managed to get my head out of the water, and when I did I realized that there was no more person on the beach.

I took one last glance at the beach and I knew that I wouldn't make it out of the water on my own. It was too late, I would be drowning and I suddenly was totally okay with that, I didn't have much to loose anyway, so I just let myself sink into the deep blue ocean and soon my vision became black. The last thing I noticed before I blacked out was that something pulled on my arms and even though I wasn't really religious I thought that it was an angel which was taking me to heaven.

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A/N: So this chapter was a bit (too?!) dramatic but I thought I'd put it up anyway and I just wanted to let you know that I think I have some good ideas for this story, so it would mean a lot to me if you kept reading, voting, commenting and all that stuff! :) P.s: Don't worry it's not gonna be this dramatic/depressing all the time from now on and it will focus more on Luke and also the other 5SOS boys (especially Mike) xx