Fragile - tracob

1.0

Jacob squeezed the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning a shade of white. He left out a shaky breath, trying to calm his anger. He felt horrible for leaving Troye, but he knew if they stayed together any longer something worse might happen and Jacob didn't want that. Not like last time.

Somehow Jacob found himself driving out far of town, he didn't know where is mind was leading him, but once he started to see the trees he knew exactly where he was going. Jacob slightly loosened his grip, feeling a little bit at ease away from the new town he had moved to that already was making him want to leave. He came here to escape everything, but just as he thought he could, the one thing he was escaping comes back into his life.

Jacob's mind went to the previous events that happened last night with Connor. He tried to will the images away, but they were engraved in his memory, unable to be forgotten. Jacob had never even had sex with a guy, nor had ever had feelings for one. He was confused as to why he decided to kiss Connor and have sex with him. Maybe it was the fact Jacob was intoxicated by the thought of someone actually wanting him, maybe it was the hot breathes mixed with pure lust and fiery heat, that fueled his desire he couldn't pin point the reasonings why.

"I'm not gay." He mumbles to himself, quickly trying to dismiss the thought from his mind. He parked the car in front of the cliff, that over looked the town. He didn't know why but this place seemed to help him think when he was having trouble thinking about things. Jacob sits on the edge of the rock, his feet dangling below. Others would tell him he's crazy for sitting there so close to the edge, but Jacob would tell them he wasn't crazy he just wasn't afraid of falling from the cliffs edge.

He pulled out a cigarette from his leather jacket pocket, twirling it in his fingers. Jacob knew it was stupid to carry around the pack in others eyes, but to him he liked carry it around, it was a piece of him that he'd never get back.

"Why am I confused?" He asked himself tears brimming at his waterline. Jacob wasn't someone who liked to show his emotions, he preferred to keep them masked from the people around him. He couldn't show them he actually was in pain. Remembering what happened last time he did Jacob refuses to let anyone in again.

He brings the cigarette up to his lips, sighing softly. He missed the smoke cloud of the cigarette that would fill his lungs.

Jacob's thoughts went back to Connor, the boy he had left behind in hopes of escaping. But of course things never go his way and Connor happened to live here now. Jacob couldn't help but regret sleeping with his best friend. Jacob knew soon enough he'd have to talk to Connor though. He didn't want to, but it was the only sense of clarity he had.

"I am not gay." He says to himself again but this time he's practically shouting it at the sky, closing his eyes tightly. Jacob was starting to regret coming here because all this was doing was making him more and more confused. Jacob was most confused about his sexuality and both Troye and Connor.

Jacob stood up, dusting off his pants, he had to talk to someone. The only person he knew would understand and wouldn't judge him for his thoughts. He got into his car, grabbing his phone from the pocket of his jacket. He dug through his glove department for the slip of paper that contained the number Tyler had given him. Jacob huffs in annoyance unable to find the slip. He reached into the side pocket of his jacket, feeling a piece of paper graze his fingers. He looked over the slip and left out a sigh of relief.

Jacob debated with his subconscious rather he actually should call the number or not. He knew Tyler said to call anytime but what if he's already annoyed with him? Jacob rolled his eyes at himself, punching the numbers into his phone. He hesitated for a few seconds before tapping the call button. Tyler doesn't hesitate to let the phone ring twice.