Mercy; Shawn Mendes

36. Flashbacks

"I didn't want to relive it, but I had to."

•••

Shawn.

After Brian helped me clean up the house I laid on the floor. I looked up at the ceiling feeling my brain wander off. I didn't feel like doing anything.

"So are you going to tell me how all of this happened? Or are you just going to lay there all day?" I heard my friend ask.

I sighed before closing my eyes, "I never noticed how comfortable the ground was."

"Shawn stop being stupid and tell me what happened. One minute I see you guys all loving then the next I come back here to find that mess." He said sounding irritated with how I was acting.

I don't blame him if he was like this I'd get agitated as well. But I didn't want to tell Brian, I wanted to forget. I didn't want to face the reality of living this night over.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I say, okay I was acting like a dumbass but I meant it.

He rolled his eyes, "You know what Shawn you're being a complete prick. You pushed her away because you couldn't fucking admit you loved her. And if you want to push everyone because of your own mistake."

He told me off, I opened my eyes and looked at him. He looked genuinely upset and that's when I knew he was right. I sighed and sat up.

"You're right...so you might want to get something to drink because well that's the only way I'm getting through this mess." I say as I sit back against the couch.

Brian shakes his head before getting up and disappearing into my kitchen. I sat there with my legs stretched out on the ground in front of me and looking down at my hands. Besides the cuts from the glass I looked at the necklace in my hand. Her necklace.

I then seen Brian walk back in with two shot glasses and tequila. He set them down on the table and sat on the couch.

"Okay start from the beginning." Brian said as he filled the shot glasses.

I sighed, "Okay..."

•••

Earlier that day

We had just arrived at the party and in all honesty I didn't want to be there. I knew why I had to show up and I appreciated Veronica for looking out and keeping my thoughts and actions in check.

By the way she looked tonight, wow. I hadn't seen anyone look so perfect than she did. I really was falling for this girl, the fact that I even said those cheesy thoughts in my head about her showed me enough.

Every time we met someone or said hello her face would brighten up with that smile. God I was obsessed with her smile and her laugh was contagious. I was in love and that scared me.

It scared me because I was never this guy. I never wanted to be because of this girl. She had my heart and complete crushed it. To the point where I didn't want to feel that pain again. So I became who I was, a guy who slept around. Had one night stands and never called back.

I lived in fear of falling in love again. I thought I lost my heart those years ago and as cheesy and cliche as it might sound. Veronica made me realize I didn't lose it. Every time she entered the room my heart would quicken and my palms would get sweaty.