LostMyHead// Matty Healy.

This Must be My Dream

Ava's POV:

I woke up almost 3 hours after I went to bed at the sound of Caden calling my name. It couldn't have been but 7am or so when he began to ask over and over again, "Avie where are we? Where's daddy? This doesn't look like home." He was a smart kid and I can't tell if it's because he's had to grow up faster than most kids or just him naturally. He basically understood almost everything that was happening in his own way and I almost wish he didn't because maybe the ignorance would make him feel a bit happier. That's always what hurts me the most is knowing this young soul still can ache like his. Of course he still laughs and smiles like any other kid and yeah he's still happy most of the time. But he has little episodes you could call it where he remembers everything at once and just cries until he can't cry anymore. I just want to do everything to make sure everything can be okay so he doesn't ever have to worry about anything.

He was now just laying across my lap looking up and me as I sat up in bed with my back against the headboard. He was just laying quietly, not asking his questions anymore so I went to go check my phone. There was an unsaved number that left a text saying 'Moring love, hope you slept well- Matty xo.' I smiled as I typed up a little response, 'Morningg, what has you up at the crack of dawn'

'I can never get very much sleep. But any chance I could see you today?' Just the thought of getting to see him today made me a little excited. There was just something in that charming smile that made him so hard to say no to.

'Yeah ofc, you can stopped in for a bit if you want.' What was I doing? I need to stay focused on getting to an actually place me and Caden can stay. But just a little fun on the way wouldn't hurt would it? Its been so long since I've had a real fun time and Matty just seems like he brings good times with him.

'Sounds fun, Ill be there. Im gonna bring breakfast, any suggestions?'

'Im not picky so its up to you, I can pay you back if you need'

'Negative, im not taking your money. Ill be there with waffle house in like 30 mins. Send ur room numba plss'

I smiled and did so then put my phone down. I started playing with Cade's silky dirty blonde hair as he looked like he was zoned out. After a few minutes, he snapped out of it an looked up at me with this desperate look in his deep blue eyes. I felt alittle panicked as I waited for him to say whatever he thought up,

"Avie... where's mommy...?" He said with his breath shaking. I looked at him in sheer confusion for a second and he gave me the same look. Our mother passed away from breast cancer when he was only 2. It was the hardest loss we faced and I would do anything to have her back here with me if I could. She was the only thing that held our family together. After she was gone, that's when everything turned. That's when my dad really lost it.

"Cade what do you mean? You know what happened.. Mommy's with the angels now." I tried to say as gently as possible. He has this thing where he forgets some things that I think he wants to forget and not think of but it always comes back. All the sudden, he sat up with his lip quivering just staring at me until he let out a loud heart wrenching cry. I quickly tried to pull him into a hug feeling my heart start to hurt a little at the sight of him. He sobbed into my shirt as I rubbed little circles on his back and tried to sing some of his favorite songs. He didn't seem to calm down even in the slightest.

"And why did daddy hate us? He was so mean! He didn't love us!" He cried out as his shoulders shook from his cries. I felt my eyes start to water as I pulled him into a tighter hug. I hate that he had to see what my dad would to do me most of the time and that he would always get yelled at. My dad wasn't much of a dad at all once my mom was gone. I don't think I ever heard him once say to Caden that he loves him.