LostMyHead// Matty Healy.

Antichrist

Ava's POV:

I couldn't catch any sleep last night at all. The hours would just keep passing by and I would just lay there staring harder and harder at the chipped white paint on the ceiling. Finally at about 3am I got sick of counting how many spots I saw on the dingy ceiling as Matty snored loudly next to me, so I got up to make myself some tea. The house was pin drop quiet and all that could be hear was the clicking of the stove. I sighed as I pulled myself onto the counter to sit. I just sat, swinging my feet as I thought about how my life was about to change. So many times when I was about to totally give up on everything and end it I always remembered my Caden. How I could never leave him. I always pictured myself to be the one to watch him walk to the bus on his first day of school or be the one to see him bring home his first report card. Or be the one he told about his day all through the time at the dinner table. I've practically been a mother to him I feel like I deserve to see those moments. But there was nothing I could do to change this. This was the end of the road and I was going to have to say goodbye to my only family in less than 10 hours.

I hopped down from the counter when the tea kettle made its squeal noise and poured my glass. As it began to steep, I searched for a piece of paper and pen. Quickly, I felt my fingertips brush against some in the nearest cabinet. I walked over to the table with my tea and paper and pulled out a chair. While the tea cooled, I began to scribble out some thoughts in the form of a letter.

'Dear Caden, my world and my whole heart,

Where ever you are, whatever you are doing. I want you to know I am so proud of you. You are such an unbelievable strong boy and you never let anyone tell you otherwise. You're one of the smartest kids out there and I'm sure soon you'll be on to finding the cure to cancer. Don't let anyone stop you from your dream- ever. Mom always said that and I know she'd want you to know the same. Also know that she loved you so very much and don't think otherwise. Life has a strange way of working but I promise all of this will lead up to something amazing. You deserve all of the joy in happiness in the world. Where ever you end up, I hope you're laughing. That laugh that would make a smile always sneak onto my face. But more importantly, I hope you're doing what makes you happiest. Never let anything get in the way of you and what makes you happy. That is you're number one priority always.

I love you endlessly. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. You were the best thing that could have ever happened to my life and I'm so thankful for that. There won't come a minute that I'm not thinking about you so please call me when you can. I can't promise things will get easier but I can promise things will get better.

It all is nothing but up from here.

Love, Avarina'

I felt only a few solemn tears roll down my cheeks as I wrote my basically goodbye note. He may not understand it now- hell he might- but I wanted this to be something he kept with him even when he was older just to really get to process it and remember he had a sister her loves him so dearly. I folded in up and tried to make a mental note to put that in his bag in the morning. Besides that, my night just consisted of trying to suppress thoughts and a shitty cup of black tea.

Morning rolled around and I was still just sitting at the table with my head down when Matty walked in. He gently put a hand on my back as he sat in the car next to me. His curls were all a mess and he was in just some plain looking pajama pants. His bags were so bad you would think he didn't get any sleep either, he almost looked as sad as I'm sure I did.

"Morning love." He murmured as he pulled me into a soft hug.

"Morning." I mumbled as I laid my head back on the table. I felt him start to run a hand through my messy hair,