Is it real ?

It's hard to get through this life, excuse me if I sing to the sky

Hellooo ! It took a bit more time than expected, but here is chapter 14 ! Did you guys see the second trailer ? It's amazing !! I can't wait for April ! So, while waiting for season 5 to come, enjoy this chapter :)

Info: The parts of this chapter that are put in italics are Went's memories.

It was d-day and h-hour. We were in Vancouver. Noah stayed at the Purcell's, with Anna and the kids. They needed to be looked after, and she was the only one not working on the show. The only solution was to separate the two fiancés, unfortunately.

This week, we were focused on work. The first day was like a family reunion, all the crew glad to see me breathing. We all went to eat together. It was a nice restaurant. A few people recognized us, so we took pictures with them and spent the rest of the night enjoying the family-like atmosphere.

Once Sarah and I arrived in our hotel room, we talked about the houses we could buy. We hesitated between two particular ones. The first one was near the ocean, but at the other side of the city. It was too far away from the Purcells. The other one was on a hill overlooking the ocean and near the Purcell's house. They both had enough bedrooms for our family, but the one on the hill had two more bedrooms. It would be useful if we had guests. We all preferred the second, but there was a huge price difference. The second one had all the advantages we could ask for, with a school nearby and everything we needed in proximity. We had to think about our family and the two new babies coming into our lives. We had to make the right decision. But not right now. We were far too tired, so instead we snuggled in our bed and watched a movie. We must have fallen asleep watching it, because in the morning the TV was still on. Those filming days were exhausting, but they also were life-changing. I love my work, but it is very self-centered, so we have to look into ourselves to transmit it on the screen, which is problematic for a depressed man like me. It was a day of self-research.

I had a day off. It was a day focused on the Sara and Mike situation, so they didn't need me.

I decided to go for a hike in the Mount Seymour Park. I used to hike a lot when I was on my own, but life happened and I became pretty busy for the last six months. No hikes, no time to think, no mental self-care. I needed it. I was too concentrated on living life to think about what I was going and where I was going.

This year, there was no snow. It was safer to go for hikes alone, which I did.

After two hours of walking, I found the perfect place to contemplate Life. I was on a lake shore. The water was translucent, the sky was cloudy, almost entirely white, and the green spruces were adding another color at the scenery. There was a slight breeze, making it easier to think. I sat on a rock and began throwing stones into the lake. I could only hear the sound of the stones falling in the water and the wind caressing the trees. It was peaceful.

« Now. The life situation. Right. » I said to myself, getting ready to think.

About six months ago, I was single, extremely single. I was getting out of a pit of despair. Apparently, nothing was fine. Now, out of the blue, I'm a boyfriend, a father of a ten year old and of two twins, who are yet to come. I had a car accident, I fell in a coma, I had one of the biggest fights of my life and I went to jail. In six months. Life is crazy.

I continued picking up stones and throwing them in the water.

I was gently climbing out of that big hole, depression, and I am still climbing out, but I am not out of that damned pit. I still have a long way to go and I don't want to lose my balance, to fall back at the bottom. The ghosts of my past were hunting me. I already made a lot of progress, but what if I lose who I am ? What if I have to re-do what I already did ? I cannot make my family suffer because I cannot take care of myself. I have to be the father that I can be. But how ?