Long nights and street lights

Mr Nice-guy or Bad Boy?

I was trapped. I was happy, but it wasn't right. I was healthy, but it was so wrong. I couldn't live like this forever. I needed to make the decision I wasn't ready to make, the decision I didn't want to make.

I was convinced that I was bored with Connor. I was convinced that I couldn't go much longer with him. Probably only because he refused to have sex. The idea of coming home to Jake made my knees buckle. I was head over heels and for all the wrong reasons. I dreaded going back to Connor, so I happily walked with Jake to his apartment. We talked, drank and laughed. Our relationship was completely different to the one I had with Connor. 

Morning came and so did the time for me to face my fears, a.k.a. Connor. I left hastily, just in case I chickened and turned back. I slowly opened the front door, hoping he was still asleep. He wasn't. He sat on the couch, his head in his hands, obviously overthinking things. When he looked up, I could tell he hadn't slept a wink. He stood up without a word and hugged me. 

"I'm sorry, was it too soon?" He breathed into my shoulder. 

"No no. I mean yes it was too soon but don't be sorry." 

He pulled away. "Let me make you some breakfast." 

I smiled, nodded and went to shower. Shower time equalled thinking time for me. 

"Can you see who is ringing me please?" I called to Connor from the comfort of my warm shower. He didn't reply, so I kept showering without a care in the world. 

After I got out, I walked into the kitchen with a towel wrapped around me. I picked up my phone off the bench and there was a missed call from a private number and a text message saying: 

"Hey babe, I really enjoyed last night, let's do it again sometime x after you finish work?" 

I looked up at Connor. He didn't look at me, just kept cooking bacon on the frying pan. He hadn't seen it. 

"It was a private number." He said unsuspiciously. 

"Probably the police station. They've apparently found interesting evidence on my parents' case." He nodded and kept cooking. I tried to convince myself that he didn't know. 

I rang Jake back as soon as Connor left for work. 

"Come over, please." I begged into the phone. 

"Anything for you." He said and hung up. He made my head spin right round. I needed him in my life, I was convinced. The fact that we had to be secretive made it all the more sexier and I was young, I thought that was all I needed, a little fun. 

After that visit, he almost had me convinced, but I didn't want to hurt Connor. Turns out I didn't have to confess anyway. 

These visits became a daily tradition and not once did I doubt our meetings.

I was constantly laughing so hard I was choking. He always had a huge smile on his face. But our fun didn't last long. 

It was a warm summer morning, only 8:23am. Drinking coffee, listening to chill music and we had just showered. I sat at the kitchen table draped in his shirt, the buttons undone. We never had any doubts or fears. We were innocently and stupidly not expecting anything. We never had. 

The front door opened. 

"Babe I'm home." 

My brain, limbs and heart froze as if they could not process what had just occurred.