transitions ✓

part 1

CALEB

"why does that girl look like a boy?"
"that's not a girl you idiot, it's a he-she!"
"that boy has boobs!"
"she looked so stupid with short hair!"

"caleb honey, are you okay?" my mother asked as i sat in the car. i nodded my head quickly and took a deep breath. i really wasn't ready for school, i knew i had to come out and i didn't want to. i didn't want to come out to strangers, people who i didn't know. the same exact people i'd have to socialize with. i was so lost in thought, i didn't notice my mother snapping her fingers until she spoke up once more.

"remember, if going back to school for senior year was a mistake we'll just home school you again okay, son?" my mom said as she rested her hand on my shoulder.

"okay mom." i said with a small smile. i unbuckled my seat belt and opened my door. "this was a mistake." i mumbled quietly on my way in.

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"class, this is our new student caleb smith. caleb why don't you say a few words about yourself please?" the literature teacher, mrs. mann, asked.

hi i'm caleb and i'm a trans boy. i thought to myself. i shouldn't do it. i don't need to come out, no one will care. but.. i can't stop now.

"hi i'm caleb smith and..." i trailed off not knowing what to say, "and i am a t-trans boy, a-and i have successfully started testosterone." i said proudly. it was hard, yes, but it had to be done.

my teacher gave me a slight smile and all the kids started laughing. the color drained from my face in fear that my eighth grade year would repeat itself.

"you're not a real boy you imbecile! a flat chest doesn't make you a boy, you'll always be a female!"

i quickly looked over at my teacher giving her a pleading look. "so, you're not a real boy?" a student shouted out and at that moment, i wanted to lock myself away. i shouldn't have said anything.

"trans boys aren't real boys. you'll always be a girl!"

i wanted to leave, any place but this classroom would be the greatest place ever. "now now class, that is no way to treat our student. you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. trans boys are boys too." i relaxed once the class calmed down and i smiled to myself, my teacher was great. if this continued i might've just died.

"caleb, you may sit next to," the teacher trailed off as she took a look at her seating chart. "ah you can sit next to micah!" she said proudly and pointed to a kid in the back.

i walked towards the seat quickly, sitting down and setting my bag next to me. my attention was focused on my hands, i didn't want to listen to the people talking or even look at them. i know i would just assume that it would be about me. "so, you're trans?" i turned my head to the soft voice i heard and let out a small, "yes."

"i am too, but my mom would never encourage it or even "allow" it i guess." micah quietly said and i smiled resting my hand on his. no wonder she sat me next to him.

"i can help you get through this, we can get through this together."

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this story is a little different from what i usually write. i know a lot of trans boys and even trans girls so i got inspired.

ive also been doing a lot of research on transgender surgery and testosterone and chest binders.

xoxo a