Operation Centuria: The First 25

Day 22: SANTA CLAUS ("Theory of Everything Wonderful") by Pauline Navarro

I love roses, especially the blue ones that I only encounter in my dreams.

I love my white flower-patterned pillowcase that smells like babies and home.

I love my mom’s way of cooking spaghetti even if she adds and subtracts a few ingredients from the original recipe.

I love receiving little hints from God, saying that he has a great plan for me.

I love waking up without even being bothered by my alarm.

I love the silence every 12:00 in the morning.

I love seeing my virtual computer families advancing in their career.

I love when my best friends post a status about corny things.

I love pigs, the stuffed ones.

I love hearing a baby laugh.

I love getting lost in Neverland, Twenty-thousand Leagues under the Sea, Stark industries and different high schools because of reading.

I love spoiling the story of a book or movie by reading the wikipedia plot.

I love singing and recording my voice.

I love making the world more beautiful with my camera and my pen.

I love crying late at night as I watch a not-so-dramatic scene of a comedy movie.

I love seeing my sisters and brother gather in one place and just talk the whole evening.

I love seeing my parents cuddle and say cheesy pick-up lines.

I love feeling loved by God.

These past few days, I’ve been under a lot of stress. People are always pushing me to my limits. Problems pop in my life just when I don’t need them to. I can do the things I want to do but I don’t do them… because life says I can’t. I wake up and I ask myself, “What the heck am I doing with my life?”

Sometimes, I’d just pretend that every bad thing is gone so that I won’t drive myself crazy. I would put on a smile, a pseudo smile so that the people around me wouldn’t worry. 

But then this morning, I couldn’t stop the darkness from closing in.

3 AM. No one was awake but me. I couldn’t sleep anymore. Even at night, my fears haunted me… the restlessness got to me. I just wanted to… I didn’t really know what to do.

Voices… I heard voices. The might’ve been all in my head. I’m not sure. But the voices… they were very clear. They were very loud. 

Your father’s back to the way he was again- three cups and five sticks every morning.

It must be so easy for you. You’re just perfect like that.

I bet I could beat you this time.

That’s going be be 100 dollars.

Can you please pass that article already?

I’m really sorry. Just finish that project and I’ll print it for you.

I can’t handle your sisters anymore. What’s the use of intelligence if they have such rotten attitude?

Shut up. I wish they would all shut up.

It feels so hard to be on the brink of making it or breaking it and having the red button in my hands. Can’t I just be instantly happy? Can’t everything just be instantly wonderful?

And then I did the only thing I could do. I prayed.

I prayed for strength and guidance. I prayed for air. I prayed for a hug from God. I believed in Him. I trusted Him. I surrendered to His will. 

I welcomed God in my life and I finally acknowledged that I just couldn’t do everything on my own.

From then on, I started feeling happier. I started believing that the days that would follow would be wonderful days. I did so because I knew that God would make them wonderful for me… because I knew that God loves me.

That’s how everything became wonderful in my eyes.

My theory is this: When you believe that everything is wonderful, it will be so. It is just like believing that Santa Claus is real every December.