Falling Walls (III)

Chapter 41

All the way up the stairs I followed Tom, who still held my hand and pulled me behind him. I wasn't sure how to take his reaction and at times I considered that maybe he misunderstood. But really, how could he?

My nausea had shrunk to a tiny tingle deep inside and I was actually feeling slightly silly about the entire situation. It may have been that I had hidden such a big secret from Tom for the past twenty-four hours, or just my insecurity about his reaction and my desperation. Most likely though it would have been both.

When the door shut behind us, reality sank in. I was treading on ice, I knew it, but I've had enough of being careful. I was pregnant because we both decided to go for it.  We should be celebrating this instead of me tiptoeing around. I had done that with the twins.  This time, I had promised myself, would be a joyful pregnancy with no - well at least only little - worries. So if Tom couldn't deal with it, too bad for him, I told myself, while we passed the full breakfast trolley in our room. The smell was divine and I now craved for the yogurt and fruit on it. But Tom didn't even seem to notice the trolley.  He sat down on the lounge and pulled me down beside him.  He made eye contact for the first time since leaving the restaurant and held my glance while handing me silently a piece of the bread. I took it, waiting for him to start his interrogation, without taking a bite of the bread. Tom's eyes moved up and down my body length. I could tell he was waiting for me to start explaining, while I was waiting for his question. I was being childish, and I knew it.

"I'd die for some yoghurt and fruit, darling." And I was still avoiding a straight to the point explanation. Tom's brows raised and to my surprise he played along.
"A craving?" A smile played around his lips but didn't stretch out. His eyes were sparkling playfully. Was he maybe thinking about something else, something I was missing?
"Quite possibly?"
Tom got up and shortly after returned with a large bowl of fruit and yoghurt. He sat down beside me, took the bread off me and handed me the bowl. It tasted delicious. Spoon after spoon I filled up on my breakfast with Tom watching me, that amused smile still playing around his lips.
"What's the story with the bread?" Tom finally asked me. In between mouthful of yoghurt I told him, "It's my new thing."
The smile suddenly disappeared from his face, a serious expression replacing it.
"Just tell me, please," he pleaded. He looked desperate. While I finished chewing the piece of orange in my mouth, I took pity on him.  This was it. I put down the breakfast bowl. My hands felt empty and I could feel the sweat on the inside of my palms.

"I'm pregnant.  We're going to have a baby." The room was silent.  No sound, no movement.  Only Tom staring at me.  Only me staring at Tom. And then finally, Tom broke the silence.
"I'm going to be a dad?" He sounded unsure, careful.
I nodded my head.
When Tom jumped up, my heart beat at double speed.  He took my hand, pulled me up and kissed me long, until I found myself up in his arms, my legs around his waist. He continued to kiss me, laughing, laying me down onto the lounge. Carefully, Tom lifted my top, running his hand over my bare tummy, slowly up and down, again and again. Tom took a deep breath, like he was going to say something, but then didn't.  His eyes followed the smooth movement of his hand.

"Do you think I'll be a good dad?" Tom didn't look at me when asking but kept his glance fixed on his hand.
Tom was sitting next to the lounge on the floor, his head cradling against my neck. My fingers found their way into his hair, mirroring his strokes on my tummy.

"Tom, you already are a good dad. You are the best, and you will be amazing with this baby."

"But I don't know how to be a dad. I don't even know how to be a son." My poor Tom. This morning must have been overwhelming for him.

"You don't need to know.  You just follow your heart. So far, it's been leading you pretty well."
Tom's hand came to a halt. He lifted his head and then my tummy was showered in hundreds of kisses before I was rewarded with the brightest smile.