A smile can cover up a lot

Chapter 9

{Ethan}
It was about 9 when I woke up. I heard the door creak open. I look up and saw Gen.

"Good morning Ethan. I made you breakfast."
"Oh you didn't have to.. Thank you."
"No problem. C'mon get up."
I  remembered I didn't have a shirt on so I knew she would be able to see my cuts. I didn't want her to see them.
"I'll come in about 5 minutes."
"Come now, while it's still hot."
She pulled off my covers and I tried covering my cuts. She took my arm trying to pull me up.
She finally got me up and saw them.

"Oh Ethan I'm so sorry I didn't know. Was this why you didn't wanna get up?"
"I just didn't want you to see them, I'm insecure about them because I feel like they make me look even more weak than I already am."
"Don't think that. Come on let's go and eat."
"Let me put on a shirt."
I put on a plain white long sleeved shirt.
"Good morning." Jared told me.
"Morning."
I sat down and I didn't really eat. I had an apple and coffee.

"Ethan eat, don't be shy!"
"I'm not really hungry."
"C'mon you didn't have dinner last night I bet you're starving."
She told me putting food on my plate.
Jared looked at me for a solid minute confused. I needed him to stop so I forced myself to eat.
"So Ethan, you wanna come with me to the studio?"
"I actually wanna stay here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I'll see you guys tonight. Bye!"

Gen sat down next to me.
"Does he know about them?"
"Who?"
"Your brother?"
"Yah.. I mean I think."
"How did he find out?"
"When I tried to killed myself I was shirtless. He probably saw. I wanna ask him, but let's say he doesn't know he'll make in to an even bigger deal."
"He is making it into a big deal because he loves you. Why don't you let anyone help you?"
"I don't know... I really don't. I wanna give you an answer but I don't have one."
"I don't think anyone does when it comes to depression."
"I'm just gonna go to the room.. I wanna be alone."
I went in to the room and stared at the ceiling.
Gen came in saying
" i will be taking Thomas and Shepard to the park wanna come? Get some fresh air?"
"No I'm fine. I'm gonna stay here."
*****
{now it is 7 pm}
Jared came home and we had dinner. Gen made Chinese food.
"Ethan you haven't eaten anything. Why aren't you eating?"
"Yah Ethan." Jared said swallowing the rest of his noodles "eat, c'mon don't be shy."
"I really don't want. thank you."
I just drank my cup of water.

Dinner was finished and I went to my room.
I pulled up my sleeves and ran my fingers along all my cuts.
I sighed.
**************
{Jared}
I peeked through the crack of Ethan's door for a bit. I saw him looking at his scars. I wonder what he's thinking.

I went to the living room and sat next to Gen.
"Why do you think he isn't eating?"
"What if he's starving himself?"
I looked up and thought that, that's a big possibility.
"Should I go talk to him?"
"I think you should."
I went to Ethan's room. He was shirtless and staring at his scars.
"Hey Ethan."
"Hey"
"Listen Ethan..?"
"Yah..?"
"Listen, I know you're going through depression, and I know there is a lot of weight on your shoulders. But, you gotta eat."
He didn't say anything.
"Ethan..?"
"Yah."
"Did you hear me?"
"Yeah but.."
"No Ethan, no buts you have to eat and I want you to start now!"
"Okay.."
"I'm gonna watch you eat."
"Alright."
"Good. Come, let's go get you some food."
**********
{Ethan}
I sat at the dinning table. Jared heated up some food for me. He placed a plate in front of me PACKED with food.
"All of it..?"
"Every single bite."
I started to eat. It didn't feel so good, but I finished it.
"Good, thank you Ethan."
I gave him the plate and ran upstairs to the bathroom. I was in front of the toilet. I was about to stick two of my fingers in my mouth but Jared came.
**********
{Jared}
Ethan! What are you doing."
I didn't answer. I started to cry.
"I'm fat!"
"No, you're not!
"Yes I am! I look horrible!"

"Ethan.." I gave him a hug. "You're not okay? You're not."

"I'm ruining your life now! Oh my god all I'm good for is messing things up!"

"Ethan how are you ruining my life?"
I asked pulling away from the hug.

"I tried to get away from one person because I was ruining their life. Now I'm doing it  to another person. You barely get to see your family and I'm here ruining it for you because you have to watch over me! What am I doing?! I'm so stupid sometimes!"
I took him back in for a hug.

"You are not! Listen to me you are not ruining my life. You never ruined Grayson's. The only life you're ruining is your own because you think you can't fight this! You can Ethan. I believe that you can."

"No I cant. I just wanna end it already."

I pulled away from the hug, put my hands on both his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.

"Ethan don't you ever say that! Do you hear me? You are a fighter not a quitter!"

He tried to stop crying and wiped his tears away.

"You're feeling better?"
"Yah" he said sniffling.
"Okay, wash your face."

We went downstairs and Ethan went straight to the guest room.

"What happened?" Gen asked me.

"He said he would eat."

"Did he."

"Yeah."

"So what's the problem."

"He went upstairs to the bathroom trying to throw it up because he thinks he is fat."

"You're lying."

"He thinks he is ruining my life because he is here."

"He isn't though!"

"I know but that's what he thinks."
***********
{Ethan} {it is now 3 am}
I'm still not asleep. I'm thinking about how I'm ruining everything. I decided that I'm gonna go home. Right now.
I wrote a note saying that said I was leaving. Just as I opened the door. I heard someone come downstairs. I quickly ran back. Good thing I did it was gen. I saw her walking toward the guest room so. I quickly went into the bed and made believe I was sleeping.
She went back up and I ran out the door."
"This is gonna be a long walk."