What happens when one lover forgets, while the other is desperate for them to remember. True love lasts forever. But what if it doesn't? Tris survives the shooting in Allegiant - only to return and learn that the Tobias she knows and loves - did...
After walking Nita back to her apartment and then sprinting back to mine, I am actually out of breath when I arrive. I feel bad just leaving Tris alone in my apartment asleep. As soon as I walk in the door I realize that she has been awake for a while. She is sitting quietly on my couch and her hair is wet from a shower. I can see past her into my room, my bed has been made and the window blinds are now open.
"I hope you don't mind that I helped myself to a shower. The towels I used have been washed, and are in the dryer now..." her voice trails off softly. I instantly feel a knot in my stomach. I should not have left her alone for so long. She has yet to even make eye contact with me.
I clear my throat uncomfortably, "Um thanks, and you didn't have to wash them." And then there is silence between us. I rack my brain, trying to think of something to say to her. She is not making this easy on me either.
"What time are Zeke and the others set to arrive? Is my brother coming?" she finally asks, looking at my eyes for the first time. I can't help but stare back into hers. The photos Christina had given me didn't do her justice. Her eyes are incredible, filled with so many emotions when she looks at me. Beautiful, but also so insistent, which is overwhelming to say the least.
I glance at the clock in the room. "About two hours. Yes, I specifically asked Zeke to bring Christina, Cara and of course Caleb. Um, I haven't really thought this all through – it happened so fast..." She interrupts me and asks me to explain what this all is.
I sit down on the same couch, but at the other end, making sure to leave plenty of space between us. I take a deep breath and give her the high level on what my life has been like. She listens quietly, not saying a word or even showing emotion on her face. Everything from waking up with my memories gone, my rehabilitation, my new job (how I saw her on the cameras), my life here at the bureau...how I am also trying to mend fences with my old group of friends, especially Zeke. When I get to Zeke I mention how we have moved past the death of his brother Uriah... She gasps and suddenly her eyes are filled with tears.
"What?! Uriah really didn't make it? Oh my God." Tris cries gently as she places her face in her hands, in an attempt to cover her tears from me. I sit frozen in place, I don't know what to do. Part of me wonders if she will be angry with me, for my role in Uriah's death. I have never thought to ask Zeke how close Tris and Uriah were. It suddenly dawns on me from the information Zeke shared that Tris and Uriah were in the same Dauntless initiation class.
And then just as quickly she pulls herself together. "Sorry, that was just a shock. I am upset at myself for not even thinking to ask about Uriah, or how Zeke and Hana are doing. I knew what condition he was in the last day that...." She sighs and then get up to grab a tissue from the bathroom, wiping her tears and blowing her nose while in there. I see her breathe in and out to calm herself before she walks back over to the couch. Sitting even further away from me than before.
"Are you angry with me?" I whisper. I don't even know why the words stumbled out of my mouth. I look at her, waiting.
She pauses a moment before responding, "Mad about your involvement with the explosion that killed our friend?" while studying my face, and then continues firmly and with purpose, "No. Not at all. You and I made peace about that before...before all of this. I know you were deceived and it was not your intention to kill so many people. You aren't an evil person, at least the old you." Upon hearing her words, my mind immediately goes to Nita. I have a suspicion Tris was thinking about Nita as well as she makes her point. I look away, not wanting Tris to see the internal conflict written across my face.
"Are you angry with me about anything else then?" I push her on, Tris is no longer looking at me.
Tris moves closer to me on the couch, my eyes now following her every movement, "I love you Tobias. And I see in your face and your actions...that you don't love me anymore. You look at me like I am a complete stranger. You want to know if I am mad?" she whispers, tears gently slipping down her face.
I feel a lump grow in my throat, I feel...sorry for her, but that is all. She continues, "I am not mad, I am heart broken. Every moment that passes, and you are near me – but you don't love me, I feel myself die a little more on the inside. But to answer you, no – I am not mad at you. I am mad at the situation we find ourselves in."
"Tris... I don't know what to say. I can apologize, but I feel like that will just be an insult to us both. I don't have any memories of you, of anything. I just don't feel it." I say, as I see she is watching me closely.
"Are you willing to try?" she whispers to me, I jerk my head up and look at her questioningly. "Tobias, YOU are able to fight off serums, more so than the average person. You have done it before. I believe in you, I believe in my heart YOU are still in here." Tris places her hand on my heart while saying the word here. My heart begins beating furiously. Why am I so uneasy?!
"Tris....it has been months. I am sorry, but you need to make peace with this." I try to convince her while she moves her hand gently to my cheek. "Um Tris?" I say nervously.
"Let me try – please." She whispers. I frown, but finally nod my head in agreement. "Your love for me was able to break a simulation before, it can again." She continues.
The next moment she is sliding gently onto my lap, sitting across me and then gently kissing my mouth, one hand caressing the side of my face. She moves her other hand over mine and moves me to touch the curve of her hips. As if she has felt my hands hold her there a thousand times before.
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I am instantly reminded of our kiss we just shared last night – it was incredibly passionate, and I felt myself get really into it. But I know it was not because it was Tris – she was just able to turn me on by kissing me just the right way. I feel myself tense up. This is not what I want, it is not fair to her. I don't want to take advantage of her. I don't want to hurt her.
But I also don't want her. Not anymore.
She stops and frowns, "You aren't even trying, you don't even want to try to remember do you?! I can't believe this Four." She slides off of my lap, practically jumping off to get away from me.
"I am going by Tobias Johnson now actually. No one calls me Four." I mutter defensively. Tris actually lets out a laugh and moves even further away from the couch were I am still seated. Wrapping her arms around herself, she excuses herself to go to the bathroom without even looking at me.
