Disremembered (Fourtris story)

Chapter: 25 Getting It All Out There

Chapter: 25 Getting It All Out There

*Tris POV*

We walk in silence towards my new apartment, what is supposed to be my new home. At this point in time, I don't feel like I really have a home. Things have been so crazy for so long, non-stop turmoil. And then the pain hits me, throughout all of it – Tobias was my constant. Even when things were rough between us, in my heart I knew he was still mine. And we had each other.

I think about that night in Amity that feels like a lifetime ago.

"Nothing else is all right." He whispered to me, I close my eyes and remember how it felt to have him so close. And then he promised me, "But we are." And then I kissed him, and he kissed me back. Our urges were so strong, but I chose to slow us down that night. He was always so good to me. He is a gorgeous man, and he could have anyone. But he has always wanted me, just me. He supported me and my fear of intimacy – and he made me feel loved and special. Never once pressuring me or making me feel bad for wanting to go slow. I remember sobbing that night, and he was there. He knew just what to say to me. He told me he loved me, right before I had fallen asleep. And now, I regret not having said it back in that moment. As he wouldn't remember that now, my regret is not for him, but for me. I wish I had said it in that moment, because it would have been the truth.

Thinking about that night as we walk through the halls– is a reminder to me. How much I have lost.

And then suddenly we are standing in front of my new apartment. I am excited to see what is on the other side of this door. So are my friends, as they tell me to hurry up and let us in.

All I can say is wow, the apartment is beautiful. Beautifully furnished, bright and open. There are two bedrooms off of the open living area which has the living room, dining room, kitchen and a small office area in a den. It is incredible.

I can tell my friends are impressed too. As they are squealing and running around. I just sit back laugh. For the first time in a while... I feel grateful. I am so happy to be alive, safe and most importantly surrounded by people that do love me. I look at each of them: Cara...the fact that she was able to forgive me, for taking Will away. It is a testament to how good of a person she is at her core. I have also noticed a little something possibly going on between Cara and my brother. Extra glances, smiles.... Could it be? I smile to myself, I would love to see them both happy. And Caleb does look very joyful, too. And then of course Christina, my best friend. I need to speak to her, alone.

"Cara, would you mind bringing me the new clothes Christina bought me today, and then you can get anything you both need for the sleep over from your apartment too?" I ask sweetly. Cara immediately agrees. And then I add, "Caleb, I want to have a word alone with Christina – would you mind keeping Cara company?"

A huge grin spreads across Caleb's face, and he nods yes. Cara is smiling and blushing now too.

As soon as they leave, I sigh and turn to Christina. She is already sitting on the couch waiting for me to join her.

"Ok, let's do this. I can tell you want to know everything, right?" she asks. She does know me so well.

I nod and sit down. I am ready. "Lay it on me. All of it."

Christina explains to me what happened when she and the others returned to bureau – the complete chaos, and then seeing Cara who broke the news to them. I feel myself choke up when she tells me in great details what both she and Four went through. How he suffered. How Caleb suffered. And I am suddenly overcome with sadness. But I ask her to continue.