Work flirt. Destiel AU

29

We lay on the hospital bed together. I had my hand on the side of his head, wiping my thumb back and forth as he slept. It wasn't until an hour later, when i was drifting out of consciousness that he looked up at me properly. "I'm sorry." He said in the most broken voice i've ever heard.
"Shhh." I put my hand on his head, combing my fingers through his hair. "You don't have to apologize to me. It's okay baby." I looked at his face. He was crying. A lot.
"I." He hiccuped.
"Shhh." I kissed the top of his head. "It's okay that you don't understand your emotions all the time. It's okay to be scared." I rubbed his back.
"But i.. i almost died." He sniffled and looked at me.
"And that scared the shit outta me, Cas. Cause i love you more than i love myself. But you can't blame yourself." I said quietly.
"But it was a suicide attempt, Dean. It was all me." He said.
"No it wasn't. it was your disorder. It's okay. You're still here." I said.
"How come you're not angry?" He said.
"What good would that do?" I asked.
"I don't know." He answered truthfully.
"Can you at least tell me why?" I asked.
"I don't know. At Sam's i felt as though you, Anna and Matt were all doing well and did not need me to stick around." He muttered.
"You know full well that ain't true." I said. "We all need you. They need their dad. I need my Cas." I said. "The love of my life." I kissed his forehead.
"I need you as well Dean." He hugged me. "Keep me safe from myself." He muttered.
"Shh." I hugged him close.
"Shit. We have to work tomorrow." He started to sit up.
"No we don't. Sam called the school to tell them we had an emergency. It's okay, lie down." i said.
He sighed. "Where are the kids?" He asked.
"Stop worry baby. They're staying at Sam's tonight." I explained, rubbing his back.
"Are they upset?" He asked.
"They don't know." I said.
"Oh." He rested against me.
I held him all night. I didn't sleep, but he did. i looked at his bandaged arms and sighed.
In the morning he was discharged and we headed home.
At home, he went upstairs and i cleaned up the blood that was still on the floor. I wiped it down until it was spotless, then sighed heavily. My eyes were teary but he's the one that needs me so i can't be weak right now.
I walked upstairs and saw that he was passed out in our room. I tucked him in properly and kissed his forehead. I walked to the bathroom and took a shower. I stood under the water for a while, just staring at the drain. i don't know how long i was in the shower, but the water got cold, so it must've been a while. I stepped out and looked in the mirror. What would i have done if i lost him? I was so close to losing my one love. The love of my life. I would've had to be strong for my kids but i don't know if i would've been able to. I checked the time, it was noon. He usually takes his medication now, but i don't wanna wake him up. I walked back to our room with my towel around my waist.
He was sitting up in bed, reading. "Hey." I said.
He nodded in my direction. Again, I glanced at his bandaged arms. I had to change his bandages later, but right now he should be fine. I went to put some clothes on, really just boxers. I was gonna climb in bed with him and just cuddle. But he was watching me. "Y'okay man?" I asked.
"You look like uh.. shit." He chuckled.
"Thanks." I pulled up my boxers.
"Are you tired?" I asked.
I shrugged. "I guess." I got in bed.
"Well did you sleep?" He asked when i pulled the blanket up.
I shook my head.
"Why not?" He put his book down and laid beside me.
"Couldn't." I shrugged.
"Cause of me?" He frowned.
I shrugged again.
He sighed. "Im sorry." He cuddled into me.
"I almost lost you." I whispered.
He squeezed his eyes shut and held onto me. "I know. I'm really sorry." He hugged me.
"Did you... write a note?" I asked.
"Yeah.." He sighed. "It's on the fridge." He said.
I got up and went to go get it.
I read it. "Dear my family.
Anna, my beautiful angel. I'm so proud of the woman you're becoming. I've been in your life since you were 3. I remember your big green eyes staring at me like I was a stranger because I was. However, now you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'm sorry I can't be here to watch you become the woman you will be. I know you're going to be amazing. I love your optimism. No matter what you go through you're still our happy little girl and never fail to make me happy. I'm sorry I've put you through a tragedy but i do not know how else to be truly happy. Part of me wishes I could be there to watch you go on your first real date and walk you down the aisle when the time comes, and watch you be as happy as I am with daddy. But I can't. Not anymore. Please take care of him and your brother. I'm so sorry angel.
Matthew, the day we got you, the day we held you in our arms will forever be the day I remember the most vividly. I know you're still young and can't understand exactly what i am feeling. But I had to go. I wanted to be happy. This was the only way. You'll grow up to be the best man ever. You'll be almost as awesome as Spider-man, or Clark Kent, no doubt in my mind. I'm sorry you had to grow up without me. I'm sorry. But you'll hopefully come to understand eventually. I love you kiddo. Be strong for me.
Dean, I'm sorry I put you through this torture. I'm sorry I wasn't a better husband. I'm sorry I didn't listen and take my medication. I'm sorry. You're the person I love most in this world. You've been my only constant. My only true love. I've never felt as wanted as i do when i'm with you. But I'm sorry I have to go. I'll always be with you. But I can't do it anymore. Nothing in my life has ever made sense, but you. You're the family I chose. The family that wanted me as much as I wanted it. Never did I imagine myself here but I can't control it anymore and I've gotta go. Thank you for loving me and all my craziness. Thank you for taking care of me, I'm sorry I couldn't do the same. I know you. I know you're going to ignore your own feelings for our kids. But don't bottle it up. Please. For me. Be strong baby. I love you. I'm sorry.
Goodbye."
I read it, on my way up to our room. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him, sitting on the bed cross legged. "You apologized 12 times in this note. 12. And you didn't think it was a bad idea?" I frowned, putting the note on the desk.
"Dean." He sighed. "I... It wasn't me. I couldn't think straight." He said.
"Then take your fucking pills man." I said.
He jumped and stared at me, wide-eyed. "I.."
"Sorry. Just. What the hell would i have done without you?" I said, hating how weak my voice sounded.
"I'm sorry." He stared at me.
"My mom died when i was 4. I know how it feels to lose a parent, Cas. Why would you even think about putting our children through that?" I said.
"I wasn't thinking, Dean. That's what the problem is. I wasn't." He said.
"Cas, baby. I know you weren't thinking. But if you knew you needed to feel loved why didn't you call me sooner? Or ask me to stay when i drove you home?" I sat on the bed. I had tears in my eyes but I don't really care.
"Cause I wanted you to enjoy your time with your brother. You don't see him that often." He shrugged.
"But I care about your safety before a 'good time with my brother', Cas. I care more about how you're doing than hanging out with Sammy." I reached out to him and grabbed his hand.
He sighed. "I know. I know you care about me Dean. But my brain? My brain is fucked." He said. Again, he doesn't swear that much so this kinda took my aback. "My brain doesn't want you to love me." He said.
"Does your heart?" I asked.
"Yes." He nodded.
"Then let me care." I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed it tenderly. "Let me show you how much you mean to me." I said.
"You can't make my brain shut off, Dean." He let out a small sigh.
I kissed up his arm carefully. "Let me try." I whispered when i got to his neck.
He tilted his head slightly and tangled his fingers in my hair. "O-okay." He nodded, as i kissed down his chest. He wasn't wearing clothes, just boxers. So that made this easier.
I flicked my tongue over his nipple. He let out a high pitched noise/whine that made me chuckle.
He looked down at me as i left a trail of kisses down his chest.
"You're beautiful." I whispered, stopping when i got to the top of his boxers.
"Shut up." He blushed, as I worked my way back up to his lips. I put one leg between his legs and smirked slightly when i felt how hard he was.
He ground his hip against my thigh as i pressed my lips to his.
We've had plenty of sex. We've been married for years. But this felt different somehow. We made love, we fucked, had normal sex. But this felt like more. It almost felt like it was the first time all over again. I gently tugged his boxers down. I smirked, then kissed from his ankle up. When i kissed his inner thigh his breath twitched, and so did his dick.
I finally reached my destination and kissed the tip.
He let out a breath and seemed to fully relax at my touch. I took the tip in my mouth and looked up at him. He had his eyes closed and head against the pillow. I slowly moved my head down to take more of him into my mouth.
I wrapped my hand around what i couldn't fit in my mouth. "Ohhh.." He let out a low moan.
I smirked slightly. "Dean." He whispered, grabbing the sheets when i started to bob my head.
He was fully hard now, i squeezed the base so he wouldn't come in my mouth, but kept bobbing my head.
I slowly pulled my boxers down as I did this, stroking myself. He tugged at my hair slightly.
My phone started ringing. I thought about ignoring it, but it could be the kids. I pulled back, wiping my mouth and grabbed my phone off the side table. It was just Sam. He can wait.
I turned back to look at Cas who was watching me. "God. I love you." I whispered, climbing over him again. This time though i rolled our hips together.
I leaned down to kiss him. It was more like our mouths connected and we were both heavily breathing into each other's mouths. I moved up a bit more and ground my ass against him. "Mmm." He threw his head back. "Oh yeah." He said when i teased him by sliding down in him, but just the tip.
"Y'like that baby?" I put my hands against his chest.
He nodded, moving his hands to my hips. "More." He moaned.
"Be patient babe. I didn't y'know prepare myself" I said quietly.
He nodded slightly but i felt as though his mind was clouded with so much lust that he didn't realize what i said.
It's true that we haven't really had sex in a while. Not when the kids are home especially. So it's really quite rare.
"God dammit." I said when my phone started ringing again.
"Ignore it." He held me in place.
"But what if it's the kids?" I said.
"They will call back if it's important." He said. I nodded and moved against him a little more.
"Oh yes." He moaned, rolling his hips in rhythm with mine.
Eventually i got him fully inside me and threw my head back. Every time i ride him like this he almost always hits my prostrate and it's hard to control myself. I moved my hips quickly against him. "Oh fuck me." I moaned.
"Is that not what I am doing?" He asked.
"Shut up." I leaned down and kissed him.
There was a knock on our door and i let out a sigh against his lips.
"I'm close. Don't go." He moaned.
I nodded and bounced against him, biting my lip. "mm." I let out a breath.
He seemed to gain more energy and he started to thrust upwards to meet me.
He wrapped his hand around my cock and stroked it as i did this. I was so close.
"Dean?" There was a knock on our bedroom door. "Dean are you in there?" It was Sam i think.
I stopped moving against Cas. "uh.. y-yeah." I said, my voice sounding kinda hoarse.
"Can I come in? I have stuff for Cas." He said, the door knob turning.
"No!" Cas and i both said in unison.
He laughed. "Why?" I could almost hear his smirk.
"Fuck off. I'll be downstairs in a sec." I said.
I heard his laughter fade as he left. "Nothing else could kill the mood." I sighed.
I moved to get off. "He came into our house. It's his own fault. Just let me come." He held my hips.
I chuckled slightly. "Im not really feeling it anymore baby." I said.
He frowned. "Not even a bit?" He moved his hips. He knew exactly how to angle himself to hit my prostate.
I let out an involuntary moan. "O-okay maybe a bit yeah." I rolled my hips against him.
He squeezed my hips as i did that. That was a sign that he was close, when he squeezed me. I rolled my hips so he'd hit my prostate over and over again until i threw my head back and felt him come inside me. The face he makes after he comes is so hot i come almost as soon as he does every time.
And i did, i spluttered on his chest.
I got off him, and sighed happily. I looked over at him. He wiped some of my cum off his chest and liked his finger.
I chuckled and shook my head. I got up and cleaned him and myself up, "wanna come down to see Sam with me?" I asked.
He nodded. "Go. I'll be there soon." He sat up.
I nodded and put some pants on. I grabbed a red hoodie off the chair in our room, it was Cas' but i just threw it on as i headed downstairs to see Sam.
"So you just invite yourself into other people's houses and fridges?" I said, he was sipping a beer.
"Yep." He smiled at me. "You have sex hair." He commented, putting his beer on the table.
I ran my fingers through my hair. "Y'know. When people are married they're allowed to do what they want in their own houses." I chuckled.
"Never said you couldn't." He chuckled.
"Anyways why are you here, drinking my beer, exactly?" I asked.
As he was about to talk i heard the shower turn on. "Shit. Hold that thought." I ran upstairs.
"Cas." I walked into the bathroom as he was about to step into the shower.
"What?" He turned to look at me.
"You can't shower with the bandages." I said.
"Then how am i supposed to clean myself?" He frowned.
"Bath?" I said.
He sighed. "I hate baths." He said.
"Then wait until Sam leaves and i'll help you in the shower. You can't get the bandages wet." I said.
He sighed heavily and nodded, turning off the water. "Fine." He muttered. He pulled his clothes on.
I walked back downstairs.
I sat on the couch beside Sam and sighed. "How're you doing?" He asked.
"Fine." I mumbled.
"You sure?" He frowned.
"It's not me you should be worried about. Cas is the one that needs attention. I'm fine dude." i said.
He shook his head. "I know that that's not true.. but fine." He said.
"What's not true?" Cas sat on my lap.
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. "Doesn't matter" I smiled, kissing his shoulder.
He smiled at me.
"Y'know you guys have this air about you, especially after you have sex? It's a mystery how not everyone knows when you guys have fucked." Sam said.
I glared at him.
He coughed. "anyways, i brought you guys some stuff." He said, getting up and grabbing the bag he put down in the kitchen.
"Thanks Sammy." I smiled.
We went through the bag, he brought some food, not that we didn't have any but it was comfort food. He brought a teddy bear that had a note from Zeke. Cute. He brought a sweater Jessie made and a handbook that said "How to love someone with Bipolar disorder" Im assuming it was for me.
Cas was tired again so he just rested against me as Sam and i talked.
I rubbed Cas' back absently. He looked up at me as i talked and then he leaned up and nipped my ear. "I love you." He whispered.
I grinned. "I love you too." I whispered back. I checked the time. "We have to go get the kids in half an hour." I said.
"I have to get going anyways." Sam said, sitting up.
"Alright, see ya later Sammy," I said as he left.
"c'mon i'm gonna change your bandages." I sat to Cas, patting his shoulder.
"I-i can do it." He mumbled.
"No" I said. "Let me." I kissed his cheek.
"I still need a shower." He said.
"Then let's go take one."
We walked up the stairs. i washed his body for him and his hair, while also making sure he keeps his arms and bandages outstretched so he doesn't get them wet.
He was getting frustrated and tired with keeping his arms up. "I feel stupid." He muttered as i gently wash/massaged his back.
"Why?" I said quietly, rubbing the soap in.
"I should not have done that. I feel like a child that needs their father to take care of them. I feel like our kids. But i'm a grown man." He sighed. "But because i idiotically tried to commit suicide, i need to get 'daddy' to help me to do everything" He sighed.
"Not everything." I said. "Just washing and bandages." I whispered. "And pickin' up your broken pieces." I said quietly, guiding him back toward the water, but avoiding his arms getting wet. "Y'know, if you call me daddy again, i'll never be able to let our kids call me that anymore." I said quietly.
"Oh is that so?" He raised an eyebrow.
I nodded and kissed his lips. "What will they call you then?" He smirked slightly, "Daddy." He whispered.
"You asshole." I chuckled.
"I'm kidding. I won't call you daddy in a kinky way." He said. "Or will i?" He smirked.
"I feel like i'll know the difference between you callin' me daddy and the kids." I said, kissing his cheek.
"I feel like you will too." He smiled. After i helped him shower, he sat up on the counter as i changed and cleaned his bandages. I was trying not to cry. My beautiful Cassie, how could he do this to himself.
After i tied up the bandage, I patted his leg and cleared my throat. "We have to go get the kids." I mumbled.
"Are you alright?" He hopped off the counter and pulled on a hoodie.
"Fine." I nodded, walking down the stairs. He followed.
I got in the car. I was fine with driving now, so i did most of the driving. When i stopped the car at the school i got out and leaned against it so the kids would see me. Cas got out. "What's wrong? You have not said anything since we left." He said.
"'m fine Cas." I mumbled.
"Is it.. is it my arms?" He asked.
I sighed. "I said 'm fine." I waved when I saw Anna walk out of the school.
"Can we talk about this later?" Cas put his hand on my shoulder.
"Whatever man." I mumbled.
Soon after Matt was running towards the car.
"Hey." I frowned. "What happened ta you?" I kneeled in front of him, his face was red on the side, turning purple.
"Nothing daddy, im fine." He tried to get in the car.
"Matthew, you tell me what happened." I said.
"It's nothing daddy. I'll tell you at home." He got in the car.
I sighed and got in the car. Apparently i got lots to talk about at home.