unbearable feelings (a kuroko no basket fanfiction)

08

Reina's pov

She's sick but yet she looks like she wasn't, I wanted to know what was behind the mask she wore but at the sametime I don't want to. Seeking for her atention seem easy but seeking for her realself seem hard, the smile she made was always fake as her mismatched eyes seem to reflect her loneliness and sadness she've held back but a moment she reveal her sadness she hid it as soon as it appeared. I wonder how can she be so strong yet at the sametime so fragile

"Alice, I was wondering but why do you always stays in the library?"

I asked only to make the snow hair chuckle, like any normal girls would do I want her to fall for someone because even if her life is short she is still a normal human that wants attention

"If you want to know then come with me during lunch, I'll tell you the reason"

She said before she smiled and left, god what's wrong with her? Does she realy want to make me feel more currious more than enough???

As soon as lunch break started I went to the library and sat where she usualy sit since Alice wasn't here yet, I look out from the window only to see the basketball club was practicing that made me wonder why she always look at them but only to relise

"Did you find your answer Reina?"

"A-Alice... yeah, s-somehow. But are you okay with this? You do relise that no matter what you can't just stay here and look from afar"

Alice chuckled before she shook her head lightly

"I'm satisfied with this distance because... I want him to find the one he love even if I have to make him hate then its alright as long as goodbye isn't painful for him"

"You're too selfish"

I stated and I know who she like even by just  oticing her small gestures she made when she was with the infamous Kise Ryouta

"I know"

"You'll only regret it you know"

I warned as a sudden pain filled my chest, I'm sorry but I too like the same person with you

"I won't, I won't regret it if he were to like you because... I know the two of you will be a great couple"

She smiled

Again with that painful and forced smile of hers, I hate this side of her but I also hate the me who like the same person as she does. I never once talked to the blonde but I can't help to fell for his kind and friendly side that he held almost the same kindness that Alice held, I'm such a bad person

"You're so stupid"

"I know, but I don't want to see his pain even if I have to make him hate me so much, even if he were to wish I disapear from him... I will never want to see his pain as long as I'm breathing, I'll make sure to keep him smilling"

She's so unfair, so unfair that I want to hit her so hard, how can she care so much for others but she'll break herself until she have nothing more to break in her?! How can she say something like that so easily?... it hurts me to think that I have the same feelings with her but I seem to misunderstood something, her feelings are much stronger than mine and I'm almost scared to tell her my feelings.

"But, I know you also like him"

So direct yet so kind

"Thats why, I want you to be with him"

You're so unfair

You're too blindingly bright

Yet why do you don't seem to care of yourself?

So unfairly bright yet

So unfairly lonely and in pain

"You're so unfair! Why can't you just tell him abo-"

"No, I don't want to. Because I know he'll be mad and cry and if that were to happen, I can't forgive myself"

Alice said with that same painful smile of hers, why can't she smile normaly?

Alice's pov

It hurts but I'm alright with this, I know Reina liked Ryou. After being with her for the whole month seem to be enough for me to know the person she likes but I too was quite shocked that she liked Ryou, haha so stupid of me, ofcourse many will fell for him either for his face or personality, he's quite charming by his own way so sad for me to leave him sooner or later.

"Alice, I'll makesure to give him all the  love that you wanted to even if you die... I'll keep on giving hin all the love you want to give until my last breath... so, don't smile so painfuly"

"Thank you, but you should just show him how your-"

"No! You never smiled for real, you always takecare of others, your pure kindness realy irritates me so much! So!... so just let me show him how much you love him"

Stupid Reina, a month is long yet short but its enough for the two of us to know each others a little despise I hate the fact that I will have to bid goodbye for her sooner or later

"Thank you... but promise me to stop your actions when I die, I hate to see you show my love since he might misunderstood you"

"I... p-promise"

I can feel my lips curled up to a smile for the first time after years, maybe for the first time ever after I left to America. I wonder how's Tatsuya doing and the others too...

I want to tell them but at the sametime I don't want to

Because I treasure them too much...