I laid there with my arms behind my head, the covers pulled to my waist. I looked down at Lisa who was sleeping lightly on my chest, the covers just below her collarbone. How could I let myself do this? I specifically told myself not to as well. It's just...it's just that I get so weak around her. I can't make any decision. I shifted and shook her shoulder.
"Lis." She turned and sleepily smiled at me.
"Hey." She rubbed her eyes and gently kissed my chest.
"We gotta get back there. They're probably worried."
"Okay." I stood up and handed her the white two piece before returning to my side of the bed and sitting down, my head placed in my hands. When she was done, she looked over at me and placed her hand on my shoulder blade. "Your girlfriend."
"I know. I'm leaving back to Berlin after we finish at the beach. We don't speak of this. Not to anyone. Got it." I said deep and low, not taking my head from my hands.
"She has to know."
"No she doesn't. This is for both of our safety. Okay? She's the jealous type. If you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from me and her when we get back. Only work from now on." I clenched my jaw and stood. "Come on now. We should be getting back." We walked back without a word. And frankly, I was okay with that. I'm pissed. No, I'm furious. She fully knew I had a girlfriend, and she still went along with it. I held the bag as we walked back.
"Hey, where have you two been?" Griffin runs up, playfully shoving my shoulder.
"Just reminiscing on some old memories from when we were younger."
"Well you took all the booze." Lena cut in, snatching the bag from me. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my lighter and a pack of cigarettes from the bag before retreating to Griffins car. I jumped on the roof and lit a cigarette, taking a huge breath before letting it out in a cloud of smoke. Maybe half an hour later, I saw Lisa start to walk over.
"May I?" She picked up a cigarette and I lit it. I watched as she took a breath in and coughed. I lowly chuckled and showed her how. "How are you?"
"Well, I just cheated on my already pissed girlfriend with my ex who said she never loved me, so, I'd say it's all fine and dandy."
"YN-"
"Just leave it. I don't want to talk about it." I looked back at the purple sky as I continued to feel her gaze on my. I looked at her when I felt her look away. She looked like something out of an old film. She had her cigarette dangling from her perfectly shaped lips and her hair was pushed to the right side, creating a little hiccup on the top of her head.
"I feel you staring at me, you know."
"And I felt you staring at me. We're even now."
"What do you see in her anyways?"
"Sarah?"
"Yeah."
"Well, she was the only one there for me my whole life. You never cared, Lena and I stopped talking after we broke up, Griffin and I had a fight a couple years ago and stoped talking. She was the only one who was ever truly there. She helped me through some dark times. She helped me when no one else did. I guess you have to fall in love with your best friend at some point in your life. I just did a little later." She didn't speak after that. She just looked back at the cliff.
"Why'd you ever think about doing it?"
"Doing what?"
"Killing yourself."
"What do you mean?"
"I know you though about it. I would hear you at night." She just looked at me. I couldn't find my words. "Was it me? Was I the reason?"
"Uhh, I- I don't know." She was quiet again for a while.
"I'm sorry you know." I nodded and kept looking ahead. "About it all. The lying, the abandoning, the avoiding, the cheating, the seduction. I wish I could take it all back."
"I forgive you. I can't forget it. But I forgive you. This still doesn't change a thing though. From now on it's work only between us. No dating, no friends with benefits. None of it. I don't trust you enough."
"What can I do to make you trust me?"
"I'm still trying to decide that. I don't know if I can trust you again. You messed with my head Lisa. I'm never getting what I had back."
"Understood." We didn't talk the rest of the night. At least not much. We just sat on top of a car the wasn't ours and smoked until the sun rose again. I woke up to Griffin shaking me.
"Come on man, we have so much to do today."
"I'm heading back home. I've had enough adventure."
"What?! You've been here one day! Get you ass up and let's book you a hotel!" Great. He's drunk. I shoved him in the back seat, then woke Lisa. She sleepily trudged over to her and Lena's parents car. She told me last night that their parents still owned the house they grew up in and let them use the car because we, quote on quote, abandoned them and made them fend for themselves. I grabbed Griffins keys from him and followed Lena to his house. By the time we got there, he had passed out and was drooling all over the backseat. I rolled my eyes and carried him in, carelessly tossing him in his bed, changing, and joining the twins on his couch. We sat in an awkward silence until Lena spoke up.
"You two are boring. I'm going to the mall. Anyone want to join?"
"You try on everything you find even the slighted bit cute. And you come back with twenty bags of clothes you'll never wear. I'm staying."
"YN?"
"Sorry Len, you're a pest to shop with. I'm out."
"You both are lame." She tosses the keys in the air and catches them before walking out. Lisa and I remain silent, sitting with cringeworthy good posture.
"Okay, why are things so awkward between us?" She finally shouts, turning to look at me with pure annoyance across her face.
"Because it has to be that way."
"Why though?"
"Because you just let me fuck you when you knew I have a girlfriend."
"I was drunk."
"Not a valid excuse. And why don't you be about more understanding. I just cheated on the person I love more than anything. She's already pissed at me because you're here. I told her she shouldn't worry about you. Don't make me regret saying that more than I do now"
"Whatever. I'm heading to get some coffee. My head hurts. Come if you want." She angrily left, slamming the door behind her. I shook my head and drove down to the cliffs. I parked by the edge and climbed up on top. I lit a cigarette and just though.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
It was starting to get dark and the sky was a a deep pinky purple.
"Hey, mind if I join you?"
