The Future of Camelot

What They Want, They Can't Have

"Mordred," she gasped. "I'm sure of it. He's alive, and with magic."

"Mordred?" Arthur repeated. "He's here?"

"Not here, but alive," Morgana told him. "The Sidhe told me."

"They told you?" asked Merlin. "They don't usually communicate with mortals."

"It was a riddle," Morgana admitted. "But I'm sure it's him!"

"Tell me exactly what they said," Merlin ordered. It was still fresh in Morgana's mind.

"'The one you loved but couldn't have, the one you sought but couldn't find, the one you helped but couldn't save.' It is him, I'm sure of it! I must find him!"

"I agree," said Merlin bitterly. "Find him, and kill him." Morgana looked at him in shock. "He killed Arthur!" Merlin shouted.

"Can you get Arthur's input on this before you use him as an example?" Arthur said. Merlin turned to him in confusion. "What happened to me wasn't all Mordred's fault. At least, I had some blame in it."

"Arthur, you clotpole, he killed you!" Merlin said, exasperated. "It was always his destiny to kill you, and he did."

"Destiny!" Morgana exclaimed. "Knowing one's destiny and trying to prevent it only makes it come true. You should know that, Emrys."

"Okay, I have a question," blurted out Gwaine, interupting Merlin's response. "Why does she call you Emrys?"

"It's what the Druids call me," Merlin said, not taking his eyes off Morgana. "You're right," he admitted. "I tried to prevent the future, and I only caused it to happen."

"You should have told me," Morgana hissed. "It could have been different. I would have been your ally, Emrys, and perhaps we could have convinced Arthur to make magic legal again. We would have had Morgause, and all the powerful magic people under our command. Mordred's love would never have been arrested or killed, and the world would have been much different."

Merlin knew how wrong many of his decisions had been. Inadvertently, he glanced towards Gaius. Although Gaius was his mentor and like a father to him, he had given Merlin some bad advice about Morgana and other things. Gaius didn't seem to notice.

"I know," he said to Morgana. "I'm sorry. But Mordred can't be trusted if we give him back his memories."

"I shouldn't have told you," she snapped, whirling around and heading towards the door. Merlin walked quickly past Gwen and Arthur to grab Morgana's arm. She turned to face him, looking at where his hand held her. He didn't let go.

"I'm just worried," he said. Morgana raised her head proudly and stared into his blue eyes with her green-grey ones.

"I trust him," she declared. "And I know he'll trust me. Give him a chance." She looked at the others' faces imploringly. Lancelot didn't know about Mordred. Gwaine looked as if he would accept his old friend. Percival seemed of a similar state of mind, but was a little more reserved. Gaius was simply watching everyone with an eyebrow raised. Gwen was obviously not ready to accept her husband's murderer, but her husband seemed of a different mind.

"I will," Arthur said.

"Arthur!" Gwen exclaimed. "Why?"

"Mordred was a fine knight who had his reasons for hating me. If there's one thing I know, it is that he loved Morgana." At this Morgana smiled gratefully at her brother. He didn't return the gesture, but what he said had been enough.

"Okay," said Merlin. "I'll help look for him. On one condition, though."

"What?" asked Morgana warily.

"He promises not to kill or harm any of us."

"Done."

0O0O0O0

"Where could he be?" Morgana groaned. She and Merlin were in the small flat Morgan had lived in. They had brought back enough people that they had to spread out among the houses. Gwen was traveling to find her brother with Arthur, and the knights had taken her flat. Merlin was the only one Morgana had trusted to stay with her, after Arthur, so he and Gaius were staying in her old flat.

"I really can't think," Merlin admitted. "Maybe we need a more powerful spell."

"I've given it all I can!" Morgana exclaimed, pushing her hair back out of her face in frustration. "We need a different spell."

"We've tried everything, Morgana!" Merlin wasn't even totally convinced that they had interpreted the Sidhe's words correctly. He'd heard countless prophecies over the years. None turned out exactly the way he had expected.

"No! I won't give up! It isn't over yet." Merlin knew that it was pointless to argue with Morgana when she was like this, so he kept quiet. Morgana appreciated his silence. It gave her hope. If she lost hope, then she would be alone. It was hope of Mordred that kept her alive and sane.

"We'll keep trying," Merlin told her gently. She inclined her head towards him, trying to hide the tears.

0O0O0O0

Arthur fell asleep on the train, leaning his head against Gwen's shoulder. He had only been back for a few days, and the wonderful feeling of having her husband back hadn't gone away. She didn't think it ever could.

The whistle blew, and Arthur jerked awake. He blinked bleary-eyed around himself, focusing on Guinevere. He smiled at her.

"Are we there yet?" he asked. Gwen laughed. "What?" Poor Arthur, she thought. For a man who had seen so much life, he had the spirit of a child sometimes. When he didn't need to worry about enemies and wars, he could be the silliest fellow.

"Are you alright?" Arthur asked.

"Of course," she assured him. "Just thinking funny thoughts."

"The best kind," he laughed. The train jerked to a stop. "Ready?" he asked.

They got off the train with a small overnight bag each and hailed a cab. Giving the cabbie instructions to Elyan's home, they settled in for a short ride. It turned out that he owned a jewelry store in Scotland that he lived on top of. It was a nice place, with a garden and a porch and little wind chimes. She could hardly imagine her brother the knight living here. 

Yet the man standing behind the counter in front of rows of beads and chains was beyond a doubt Guinevere's brother. To her and Arthur's surprise, it was Elyan who spoke first.

"Gwennie?"