Wide Open Spaces

You Don't Know How It Feels

It's been more than a week since the announcement of Stevie's pregnancy and he still hadn't mentioned his news to her. Mr. Hadley had been pushing for him to move back to San Francisco, taking over his position and appoint someone in charge of the Phoenix office. It's another big change and he doesn't want to do this to Stevie again. Years ago, they moved while she was pregnant with the twins and she was miserable. He knew she wouldn't take the news well and he was scared to approach her.

Dylan had been acting strangely since he was told about the baby and Stevie worried about him. The morning she tried to talk to him, he barely spoke and he had asked her to leave. She granted him space but it had been ten days and she knew something was really wrong. Stevie pulled on a tube top and a flowing skirt with flip flops to water the garden, needing to immerse herself in something so she wouldn't drive herself crazy. She was filling her watering can with the garden hose when a sound behind her made her jump and it slipped from her hands.

"I'm sorry I scared you" a voice said.

"No, no you're fine." she says. She turned the water off and turned around.

"Can we talk?" He asked and she nodded eagerly.

"Would you like to come to my room?"

"Sure" He takes her hand in his and they go back inside, sitting on the bed together.

"What's up, Dylan?"

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you"

"You haven't."

"I have, I've been avoiding you. You look different now and I know it's because of the baby. Callie and I were talking about it." She nods encouragingly, trying not to speak so he can get out his thoughts rather than get scared and retreat. "I know I acted like a jerk but don't forget about me, okay? When the baby comes, I know you will be busy and you can't hang out with me and Callie anymore"

"That's not true. I will still be there for both of you. You're my babies and I love you"

"I love you too" he says and tears fall down both of their cheeks.

She pulls him into her arms and kisses his wavy hair. "I will never, ever forget about you. You are my son and you are so special. Watching you grow has been my greatest joy and will continue to be for the rest of my life. We are not having this baby to replace you or your sister. I love all of my children equally"

"Really?"

"It's all true"

"I was so scared" he admits, burying his face in her long blonde hair.

"Don't shut me out, anymore." She looks into his eyes, pulling him back a little.

"I won't. I've heard you crying at night, mom. I hate that I'm the one who did that to you"

"It was a combination of things. Don't blame yourself."

"Can we start over?"

"No need. We are perfectly fine."

"Okay." He says, getting up from the bed.

"Can I have a kiss before you go?"

"Sure" He bends down to kiss her cheek and smiles at her.

"Come talk to me some time. I'm always here for you. I am never too busy"

"Alright" He gives her a weak smile and leaves the room. Stevie goes back out to the garden and lets herself cry. Her son confessed more than usual and he cried in front of her. They had both asked for another sibling in the past but she could tell Dylan hadn't really thought it through. Lindsey goes through the house looking for her, finally spotting her in the garden.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Your eyes are red and you look like you've been crying"

"Dylan thought I would forget about him" Stevie wept. "He's scared"

"Oh man" Lindsey said, wrapping his arms around Stevie. "We could never forget about them...they're much too loud for that"

Stevie playfully slapped him. "I'm being serious, Lindsey. It upset me"

"I know, I'm sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. I don't like seeing you like this. Is Dylan better since you talked to him? I assume you told him how important he and his sister are to us."

"I did and yeah, he is a little better it seems. He just needed reassurance."

"Is there anything I can do to help you feel better then?"

"No. I'll be fine. I'm just..."

"I understand" He embraces her one more time, kissing her crinkled waves. "I love you"

"I love you too" she says.

"Once the baby is here, he will love them so much."

"He's going to be a great big brother" Stevie said in agreement.

"Yes he will" Lindsey rests his chin on top of her head, swaying slightly. His mind is going a million miles a minute and Stevie can sense it.

"Your energy is making me nervous, is something going on?" She asks suddenly and all color drains from his face. She pulls back from him a little, wiping away her tears. "What's wrong?"

"I think we should talk."

"Oh no..."

"I spoke with Mr Hadley the day you told me we're expecting again."

"Okay?"

"He, he is giving me the main office and he wants me to appoint someone to replace me here"

"What does that mean?"

"It means we will be moving back to California. I've already accepted." Stevie stares at him, mouth agape. "Angel..."

"Are you serious? What about our kids?"

"Calm down"

"I will not calm down! You didn't even consult with me! Our life is here. Taking the kids to Dallas was out of the question but moving to San Francisco is fine?!" She backs away from him.

"Don't stress yourself out. Think of the baby"

"Don't you dare tell me to think about the baby when you spring something like this on me!" she shouts, pointing a finger at him.

"Besides, we would be moving as a family. Not just you and the kids and some cowboy jerk. You were deserting me!"

"Don't turn this around, Lindsey!"

"You're being unreasonable"

"I am not! I might have been fine if we were actually discussing this, y'know? But what I'm hearing, what you're telling me, is it's a done deal."

"I can't even talk to you right now..." he says. "You're letting your hormones get the best of you."

"This has nothing to do with hormones and everything with you being your old inconsiderable, asshole self!" He half-scoffs at her and she sighs heavily. She shakes her head, walking away completely frustrated with him and the entire situation.

"Well, that went great" he says to himself, sarcastically.