Wide Open Spaces

I'd Do Anything

Lindsey sits on his bed, listening to a mix tape Stevie had made him years ago. He never listened, he didn't want to hear the awful words that would come out of the CD player. Were they as malicious and mean as he had been to her? He wasn't sure. The songs were obviously dated but they expressed it all. The next song came on and it made him stop. It was upbeat and very teen pop-punk in sound but the words...

Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you
All the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I wrote this letter
In my head
'cause so many things
Were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be
The one last chance
To make you understand

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'cause I know
I won't forget you

Why would she want to hold him and love him and worry about him forgetting her when she's the one who broke it off? He had been so awful to her and treated her so badly but she still loved him. His heart broke as it had a million times before and he felt like an idiot for crying over a Simple Plan song.

Together we broke
All the rules
Dreaming of dropping out
Of school
And leave this place
And never come back

So now maybe after all
These years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

This could be the one last
Chance to make you
Understand

And I just can't let you
Leave me once again yeah

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'cause I know
I won't forget you

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Na na na, na na na
And I'd do anything for you
Na na na, na na na na.....

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you
In the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
To fall asleep with you
With you yeah
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
'cause I know
I won't forget you!

He let the cd finish and turns off the stereo. "Fuck" he says to himself. "I have to talk to her" He gets up and walks through to Stevie's room. The door is shut and he can hear her crying behind the door. "Stevie" he says as he knocks.

"Please go away, Lindsey. I can't take anymore"

"Let me see you, we have to talk"

"We've done more than enough" she says with a sniff.

"If you don't let me in, I'm opening it."

"Don't, Lindsey. I'm not in the mood" she says, trying to sound tough but it doesn't work. He takes his chances and open the door. She's curled up on her bed surrounded by tissues. Her hair is stuck to the sides of her face by the tears and he instantly feels horrible. "What did I tell you?"

"I'm sorry"

"Save it"

"No, Stevie, I won't save it" he says firmly, sitting down on her bed and she sits up a little. "I don't ever want to make you cry or make you feel lesser than. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to do any of the things I've ever done again. I listened to your mix tape"

"After all these years?" She asks and he nods. "Why?"

"I wanted to punish myself for making you feel this way. I was shitty to you back then and I'm not much better now. I wanted to know how you felt and music is always our truest form of communication."

"So what did you think?"

"It killed me, Stevie, but I got it."

"You did?"

"Loud and clear"

"You know everything then. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to get divorced, I just felt like it was the only way. I didn't even want to break up, I just wanted us to go back to the way we were. Things got heated and nasty and I wanted it all to stop. I filed for divorce behind your back and I know it was wrong. I should have discussed it but I didn't. I thought you'd understand that I just wanted the old us. I wanted us to be beautiful and perfect and happy again. I loved you...the wounds are still fresh and open."

"I hate seeing you with him, Stevie"

"I know"

"My wounds are just like yours."

"I'm so lost. I need time."

"Stevie, we don't really have time. Soon, you will be going to be buying a house with Brock and marrying him. And I will be here, as always."

"Don't say it like that"

"It is what it is. When you find a place, don't let me be the last to know"

"You won't be."

"Brock and I don't see eye to eye but I want to be there for both of you and the kids in anyway I can."

"You're too good to me"

"You deserve the world, Stevie. I just want you to see that for yourself."

"Will you lay with me?" She asks.

"No" he says, shaking his head. "I would love to but it's too hard. You're not mine."

He leaves her and she begins to cry all over again. She lays back down, her body aching from the tension. "I will always be yours" she whispers but he doesn't hear.