Wide Open Spaces

Strange

Stevie comes home very late. Lindsey hears the door close, the familiar thud of her boots in the entry way as she takes them off and lets them hit the floor. He smiles to himself, closing his eyes and going through her routine in his mind. He hears her little feet padding on the hardwood floor, humming a tune. If her hair is up, she's shaking it down now, tossing around her crinkled waves. If it's down though, she's putting it up to get ready to wash her face. Lindsey suddenly can't hear her anymore and he frowns slightly. No 'Sweet dreams, Linds'? It was odd but maybe she had a lot on her mind. Often she would forget and come to him later, feeling horrible for not talking to him when she got home. She was known for touching base with him, making sure they were still connected and working like the well-oiled machine they had been for over 13 years. As he lay in bed, his eyes became heavy and he drifted off to sleep for a little while. He had a hard time staying asleep that night though, looking at the clock and closing his eyes often only to wake up once more with the hands of the clock barely leaving the places they were previously. He sighed and sat up. Did he miss her? He hadn't heard her knock on his door. He gets up, pulls on a tee shirt as he had only been wearing pajama bottoms and walked down the long hallway into Stevie's realm.

Strange
Thought I knew you well
Thought I had read the sky
Thought I had read a change in your eyes
So strange
Woke up to a world
That I am not a part of
Except when I can play it's stranger

He passed her dogs asleep in the hall. Unusual, he thought again. Stevie always insisted they be with her, even when she and Lindsey had been married. The dogs had more of a place in her bed than he had these days. Maybe he could lay down with her for a while, that would definitely help him get some much needed rest. She would always do the same if she couldn't sleep, turning up at his door at unholy hours for a chat and cuddle. He knocked on her door and heard nothing behind it for a moment. Maybe she was asleep? The door was slightly cracked so he pushed it open. Lindsey's eyes go wide.

"Oh, uh, I didn't know she had company" he said, feeling awkward. There before him was her ripped, cowboy millionaire, Brock. They had obviously made up from the other night.

After all
What were you really looking for
And I wonder when will I learn
Blue isn't red
Everybody knows this

And I wonder when will I learn
When will I learn
Guess I was in
Deeper than I thought I was
If I have enough love for the both of us

"Shit!" the younger man says. He moves off the bed and goes to the door where Lindsey is frozen to the spot. "Jesus, is something wrong, man? You look kind of spooked" He looked over his shoulder and into the room where Stevie is sat in bed, covers pulled up over her seemingly bare chest, hair a mess, her lips plumper and pinker than usual. He knew this look all too well. They had been making love. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I...I just came to tell her goodnight."

"Oh. Well, goodnight" Brock offers.

"Goodnight" Lindsey says, turning away from the scene. The door shut behind him and he went back to his side of the house. He sat on the edge of his bed, processing what had just happened.

"Just stay"
You said "We'll build a nest"
So I left my life
Tried on your friends
Tried on your opinions
So when the bridges froze
And you did not come home
I put our snowflake under the microscope

After all
What was I really looking for
And I wonder
When will I learn
Maybe my wish
Knew better than I did

He is in thought for several minutes, only shaken from them by a knock on the door. He remained quiet, hoping whoever it was would go away.

"Lindsey, I know you're awake. You don't fall asleep that fast" a soft voice said. Still he remained quiet. "Your door isn't locked. I know it isn't. I am not afraid to open it on you"

He sighs, contemplating what he wants to do. He could let her open it and she will see him in this vulnerable state or he could take control and open it himself.

And I wonder when will I learn
When will I learn
Guess I was in
Deeper than I thought I was
If I have enough love for the both of us

"One" she counts. "Two..."

Lindsey opens the door, having wiped his tears on the hem of his tee shirt. "I'm not one of the kids. Don't count at me" he says.

"I'm sorry, I..." She suddenly wasn't feeling so brave now that she was in front of him.

"What are you doing here?"

"It wasn't what it looked like. I wanted to check on you"

"I'm fine. There is no need to worry about me"

"But are we fine, Linds?"

"Yeah"

"Are you sure? I'm sorry I didn't tell you he was going to be here. I didn't foresee any of this happening"

"Neither did I, Stevie" he says, swiping his toes through the high pile of the rug. No, he didn't foresee any of this. The divorce, the sudden deliberate attempt at separate lives, a boyfriend for Stevie and loneliness for himself. If anyone would have told him this is how they would end up, he would have called them a liar.

"Don't shut me out. I love you Lindsey, I want us to be okay"

He shakes his head. "You'd better get back. I'm sure he's waiting for you"

"Don't do this, baby" she says, touching his arm.

"I'm not your baby. Goodnight, Stevie" he says and he shuts the door.

So strange
Now I'm finally in
The party has begun
It's not like I can feel you still
But strange
What I will leave behind
You can call me one more time
But now I must be leaving

He puts his back against it, feeling awful about their entire situation. He felt even worse when he heard her inhale deeply, a soft whimpering coming from behind the door. He had made her cry. He hated this. He hated that he couldn't hold her. He hated that he couldn't kiss away those tears and make her show him that smile she had invented with him in mind. He hated that another man would comfort her and he hated that he was the one who hurt her just as much as he had loved her. He hears her quick footsteps falling away from him and he walks back over to the bed. He sits down, his head in his hands. How is he ever going to sleep now?

Guess I was in deeper than I thought I was if I had enough love for the both of us...