Wide Open Spaces

I'm So Hurt

Lindsey gets up from the booth, leaving their twins behind to look on. The anger evident in his eyes. Stevie jumped apart from Brock, watching as Lindsey came near, almost as if in slow motion.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he hissed, trying not to cause a scene.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" Stevie asked.

"I could ask you the same thing. Answer me."

"I kept calling her. I begged her to see me and I think I forced her into this." Brock said, before Stevie could even open her mouth.

"I asked Stevie" Lindsey said sharply. "I will deal with you in a minute"

"Listen, this was all my fault. Please don't be mad at her." Brock interjected again.

"What did I say?!" Lindsey's rage was building.

"I needed closure" Stevie told him quietly.

"Yeah, it looked so much like closure. Kissing some jerk who used you, abused you, talked shit about you and our kids. We're getting married, we have a 9 month old daughter and 14 year old twins." he said in a near whisper.

"I know" she said. It scared her when his voice got quieter instead of yelling. She knew she couldn't talk her way out of this one. She didn't even know why it happened.

"If you know, why did I catch you kissing some other guy."

"I don't know who kissed who." she says, tears falling down her face.

"Brock, I think you should leave before I do something I'll regret" Lindsey told him. He nodded and went to pay the bill. Lindsey watched him like hawk, following him with his eyes until he left.

"His truck is at our house" Stevie said.

"Jesus Christ...why Stevie?!" She stood silent for a minute and hung her head.

"I'm sorry" she said softly.

"What did he do that made you kiss him? Did he tell you he changed, and apologize for all the bad stuff he did to you? Did he do cute old fashioned things like open doors for you? Did he cry, Stevie?" She nodded. "He's playing you like a fiddle. He knows you like that shit. He fed you line after line and you believed him."

"I'm so stupid" she says, covering her face with her hands.

"You are not" he says, softening a little. "You have a big heart and you want to believe all the good in people. What he did to you- show you his sensitive side, make you think he's different, laying on the apologies and how he tried to defend you...yeah, maybe somewhere in his sick little mind he still loves you but he played you. I'm just lucky he didn't get anymore than a kiss"

"I wouldn't have slept with him" Stevie said, adamantly.

"I'd like to think you wouldn't have either" Lindsey bit the inside of his cheek. "Are you not fulfilled with me? I thought we were happy."

"We are happy. I am fulfilled."

"Happy women in relationships don't kiss other guys. Even if he did kiss you first, you didn't have to continue to kiss him and you certainly didn't have to kiss him like that." Lindsey stood with his hands on his hips, looking down at the floor.

"I'm sorry" she says again. "I love you, Lindsey"

"I love you too, Stevie. I always have and I always will. I've known you for the better part of my life. We have three gorgeous children. You're beautiful, smart, funny...I just don't know what you see in him. You chose him over me before"

"No I didn't"

"You did. You were going to marry him. You were going to fly to Dallas and make a new life with him there. Why am I so easy to forget?"

"You aren't, Lindsey, please don't do this"

"Why would you want to ruin a marriage before it has even began?"

"What do you mean? What are you saying?" she asks, looking up at him and he holds up a hand, silencing further questioning.

"Go to the car"

"Lindsey..."

"I said go to the car and you'd better hope lover boy is gone when we get there"

"Linds, baby..."

"Don't 'baby' me right now." His tone had changed. Though it was still quiet, the pain was in his voice. She didn't just anger him, she hurt him.

I'm so hurt
To things that you lied to me

Lindsey rolled his eyes "I need to get out of here" He jammed his hand in his pocket and took out his wallet. He tossed some money on the table, told the kids they were leaving and they gathered their things. 

I'm hurt
Way down deep inside me
You said your love was true
And we'd never, ever part
Now wants someone new
And it breaks, it breaks my heart
I'm hurt
Much more than you'll ever know

Stevie tried to reach for Lindsey's hand but he moved it away. Her tears continued to fall.

"Stupid fucking song" Lindsey said, a tear escaping his eye. "You and I were perfect, angel" He spoke to no one though it was aimed at Stevie.

Darling, I'm so hurt
Because I still love you so
But... but, even... even though you hurt me
Like nobody else could ever do
I would never ever hurt... hurt you

All four of them got into the car and the ride was silent. Upon arriving home, he was happy to find that Brock's truck wasn't in the drive. He opened the door for all of them and sent the kids to their room.

"Lindsey, I--"

"Don't speak" he tells her. She takes her cardigan off, as well as her boots. "The kids and I were worn out from our hike. We passed by this place and Callie was so taken with it, I immediately turned around and parked. We ordered milkshakes and burgers. We listened to music and we had a great time. Then what do I see out of the corner of my eye? My beautiful blonde wife-to-be in the arms of another man." Her tears returned and he watched them fall. "I love you so much, haven't I shown you that?"

"Yes. I love you too"

"Save it. I, I don't know if I believe that anymore."

"Don't say that"

"We recommitted, we had a baby, we got engaged...we are planning a wedding, Stevie. I'm still replaceable. You show me time and time again."

"You aren't replaceable."

"You seem to forget that we didn't even make it for two years after we got married the first time. You seem to forget that Miss 'I-don't-believe-in-marriage' once accepted a proposal from the man she kissed tonight. You seem to forget that you were going to move away from me and take my children."

"Stop"

"You also seem to forget that I loved you all those years, selflessly. You wouldn't let me truly be with you after we divorced. You gave me your body when I wanted your soul, Stevie. I wanted all of you. I wanted to be yours and you to be mine. I have cried so many nights over you"

"I did too"

"And for what? For me to lose you again when you decided to fall back into the arms of another man?"

"You haven't lost me"

"Maybe you were never really there to begin with" he told her. He listened to her cry, unable to look at her as he shot his gaze to the floor. "I'm going to bed. I can't do this anymore. Your choice if you want to join me or not" He turned his back to her and ascended the staircase. She watched him go, praying to God that her mistake wouldn't cause her to lose everything.